Re: [trill] RtgDir review: draft-ietf-trill-aa-multi-attach-03
Mingui Zhang <zhangmingui@huawei.com> Wed, 29 July 2015 01:26 UTC
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From: Mingui Zhang <zhangmingui@huawei.com>
To: Michael Richardson <mcr+ietf@sandelman.ca>, "rtg-ads@tools.ietf.org" <rtg-ads@tools.ietf.org>, "draft-ietf-trill-aa-multi-attach.all@tools.ietf.org" <draft-ietf-trill-aa-multi-attach.all@tools.ietf.org>, "trill@ietf.org" <trill@ietf.org>
Thread-Topic: RtgDir review: draft-ietf-trill-aa-multi-attach-03
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Date: Wed, 29 Jul 2015 01:26:16 +0000
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Subject: Re: [trill] RtgDir review: draft-ietf-trill-aa-multi-attach-03
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Hi Michael, We really appreciate you review! I will reshape the introduction to make it simple. The issues being pointed out are fair. I think I can address them with a new version. Thanks, Mingui > -----Original Message----- > From: Michael Richardson [mailto:mcr+ietf@sandelman.ca] > Sent: Sunday, July 26, 2015 8:51 AM > To: =?utf-8?Q?=E2=80=8Brtg-ads?=@tools.ietf.org; > draft-ietf-trill-aa-multi-attach.all@tools.ietf.org; trill@ietf.org > Subject: RtgDir review: draft-ietf-trill-aa-multi-attach-03 > > > Hello, > > I have been selected as the Routing Directorate reviewer for this draft. The > Routing Directorate seeks to review all routing or routing-related drafts as they > pass through IETF last call and IESG review, and sometimes on special request. > The purpose of the review is to provide assistance to the Routing ADs. For > more information about the Routing Directorate, please see > http://trac.tools.ietf.org/area/rtg/trac/wiki/RtgDir > > Although these comments are primarily for the use of the Routing ADs, it would > be helpful if you could consider them along with any other IETF Last Call > comments that you receive, and strive to resolve them through discussion or by > updating the draft. > > Document: draft-ietf-trill-aa-multi-attach-03.txt > Reviewer: Michael Richardson > Review Date: 2015-07-25 > IETF LC End Date: N/A > Intended Status: Proposed Standard > > Summary: > > This document is basically ready for publication, but could benefit from some > simplication of language. The forest is often lost for the inline details of the > trees. The world would not end if it was published as is. > > > Comments: > > Given that the introduction precedes the glossary, it is very TLA heavy. > I wonder if the Introduction could be simplified, or if it is even necessary to say > so much so precisely. > > Terms that stood out without definition: clumps. > (I suspect that this is a TRILL core term) > > Minor Issues: > > I find that the english is rough in places, perhaps a some words or half > sentences obvious to the authors is missing. e.g. last paragraph before section > 4. Sentences seem needlessly long. > > If I were implementing in an Agile setting, I'd be writing multiple user stories > per sentence. Consider the development manager trying to reconcile tickets > back to parts of the document. > > I'd rather that more periods and more new paragraphs were used to explain > things. I don't consider this an english issue, rather an issue of too many > nested ideas: > (A (and also B (except C (unless D))) then E) > > I think the document was started with the idea of trying to explain why Option > C has been chosen by walking the reader through all the choices, and > comparing them. Yet, that actually isn't what is happening: the options are > not well enough explained to understand the path not taken. Either say less > about options A and B, or say more. > > I found section 5 (meeting design goals), while dense, to be very well written > and presented. Kudos. > > No major issues found. > > > > -- > Michael Richardson <mcr+IETF@sandelman.ca>, Sandelman Software Works > -= IPv6 IoT consulting =- > >
- Re: [trill] RtgDir review: draft-ietf-trill-aa-mu… Alia Atlas
- Re: [trill] RtgDir review: draft-ietf-trill-aa-mu… Mingui Zhang