Re: [trill] RtgDir review: draft-ietf-trill-aa-multi-attach-03

Mingui Zhang <zhangmingui@huawei.com> Wed, 29 July 2015 01:26 UTC

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From: Mingui Zhang <zhangmingui@huawei.com>
To: Michael Richardson <mcr+ietf@sandelman.ca>, "rtg-ads@tools.ietf.org" <rtg-ads@tools.ietf.org>, "draft-ietf-trill-aa-multi-attach.all@tools.ietf.org" <draft-ietf-trill-aa-multi-attach.all@tools.ietf.org>, "trill@ietf.org" <trill@ietf.org>
Thread-Topic: RtgDir review: draft-ietf-trill-aa-multi-attach-03
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Date: Wed, 29 Jul 2015 01:26:16 +0000
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Subject: Re: [trill] RtgDir review: draft-ietf-trill-aa-multi-attach-03
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Hi Michael,

We really appreciate you review! 

I will reshape the introduction to make it simple. The issues being pointed out are fair. I think I can address them with a new version.

Thanks,
Mingui

> -----Original Message-----
> From: Michael Richardson [mailto:mcr+ietf@sandelman.ca]
> Sent: Sunday, July 26, 2015 8:51 AM
> To: =?utf-8?Q?=E2=80=8Brtg-ads?=@tools.ietf.org;
> draft-ietf-trill-aa-multi-attach.all@tools.ietf.org; trill@ietf.org
> Subject: RtgDir review: draft-ietf-trill-aa-multi-attach-03
> 
> 
> Hello,
> 
> I have been selected as the Routing Directorate reviewer for this draft. The
> Routing Directorate seeks to review all routing or routing-related drafts as they
> pass through IETF last call and IESG review, and sometimes on special request.
> The purpose of the review is to provide assistance to the Routing ADs. For
> more information about the Routing Directorate, please see 
> http://trac.tools.ietf.org/area/rtg/trac/wiki/RtgDir
> 
> Although these comments are primarily for the use of the Routing ADs, it would
> be helpful if you could consider them along with any other IETF Last Call
> comments that you receive, and strive to resolve them through discussion or by
> updating the draft.
> 
> Document: draft-ietf-trill-aa-multi-attach-03.txt
> Reviewer: Michael Richardson
> Review Date: 2015-07-25
> IETF LC End Date: N/A
> Intended Status: Proposed Standard
> 
> Summary:
> 
> This document is basically ready for publication, but could benefit from some
> simplication of language. The forest is often lost for the inline details of the
> trees.  The world would not end if it was published as is.
> 
> 
> Comments:
> 
> Given that the introduction precedes the glossary, it is very TLA heavy.
> I wonder if the Introduction could be simplified, or if it is even necessary to say
> so much so precisely.
> 
> Terms that stood out without definition: clumps.
> (I suspect that this is a TRILL core term)
> 
> Minor Issues:
> 
> I find that the english is rough in places, perhaps a some words or half
> sentences obvious to the authors is missing. e.g. last paragraph before section
> 4.  Sentences seem needlessly long.
> 
> If I were implementing in an Agile setting, I'd be writing multiple user stories
> per sentence.  Consider the development manager trying to reconcile tickets
> back to parts of the document.
> 
> I'd rather that more periods and more new paragraphs were used to explain
> things.  I don't consider this an english issue, rather an issue of too many
> nested ideas:
>          (A (and also B (except C (unless D))) then E)
> 
> I think the document was started with the idea of trying to explain why Option
> C has been chosen by walking the reader through all the choices, and
> comparing them.  Yet, that actually isn't what is happening: the options are
> not well enough explained to understand the path not taken.  Either say less
> about options A and B, or say more.
> 
> I found section 5 (meeting design goals), while dense, to be very well written
> and presented. Kudos.
> 
> No major issues found.
> 
> 
> 
> --
> Michael Richardson <mcr+IETF@sandelman.ca>ca>, Sandelman Software Works
> -= IPv6 IoT consulting =-
> 
>