Re: [babel] draft-ietf-babel-information-model Shepherd Review

"STARK, BARBARA H" <bs7652@att.com> Wed, 09 October 2019 15:55 UTC

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From: "STARK, BARBARA H" <bs7652@att.com>
To: "'Donald Eastlake'" <d3e3e3@gmail.com>, "'Babel at IETF'" <babel@ietf.org>
CC: "'babel-chairs'" <babel-chairs@ietf.org>, "'draft-ietf-babel-information-model@ietf.org'" <draft-ietf-babel-information-model@ietf.org>
Thread-Topic: draft-ietf-babel-information-model Shepherd Review
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Date: Wed, 9 Oct 2019 15:55:07 +0000
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Subject: Re: [babel] draft-ietf-babel-information-model Shepherd Review
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Thanks for the review! Detailed acknowledgement in-line with <bhs>.
I’ll be posting an updated draft imminently. It will also include the IANA Considerations section from your other comment.
Barbara

From: Donald Eastlake <d3e3e3@gmail.com>;
Sent: Sunday, October 06, 2019 4:39 PM
To: Babel at IETF <babel@ietf.org>;
Cc: babel-chairs <babel-chairs@ietf.org>;; draft-ietf-babel-information-model@ietf.org
Subject: draft-ietf-babel-information-model Shepherd Review

Hi,

I think this draft is in pretty good shape. I have a suggested alternative abstract and a few minor editorial comments as below.

Abstract: I'd like to suggest the alternative wording below.

This Babel Information Model provides structured data elements for a Babel implementation reporting its current state and may allow limited configuration of some such data elements. This information model can be used as a basis for creating data models under various other data modeling regimes.

<bhs> Done, but with minor change: “various data modeling regimes” instead of “various other data modeling regimes” (because no “first” data modeling regimes is described to be “other” than).

Editorials: see below.
Section 1, 1st paragraph, remove last set of parentheses.
<bhs> Done
Section 1, 2nd paragraph, remove first set of parentheses.
<bhs> Done
Section 1, 2nd paragraph, last sentence, "may" -> "MAY".
<bhs> Done
Section 1.2, in list, insert "(true or false)" after "Boolean".
<bhs> Done
Section 2, in list of items not required to be read-only, for MAC-keys, "use" -> "used" twice.
<bhs> Changed “use”->”key used” (I found the “used” by itself to be ambiguous as to whether the subject of the verb was the parameter or the key)
Section 3.8, in babel-key-use-verify, "comparing an incoming packet" -> "comparing with the MAC in an incoming packet".
<bhs> Done

Thanks,
Donald
===============================
 Donald E. Eastlake 3rd   +1-508-333-2270 (cell)
 2386 Panoramic Circle, Apopka, FL 32703 USA
 d3e3e3@gmail.com<mailto:d3e3e3@gmail.com>