Re: [secdir] SECDIR Reveiw of draft-ietf-hip-dex-11

[Donald Eastlake <[e-mail]>]

Your welcome.
(There is a typo in my review "SHOUD" -> "SHOULD".)

Thanks,
Donald
===============================
 Donald E. Eastlake 3rd   [phone] (cell)
 2386 Panoramic Circle, Apopka, FL 32703 USA
 [e-mail]

On Tue, Jan 21, 2020 at 3:49 AM Eric Vyncke (evyncke) <[e-mail]> wrote:
>
> Thank you Donald for your review, it is very much appreciate.
>
> I will let the authors reply about the review
>
> Regards
>
>
> -éric
>
> On 21/01/2020, 05:19, "iesg on behalf of Donald Eastlake" <[e-mail] on behalf of [e-mail]> wrote:
>
>     I have reviewed this document as (a very late) part of the security
>     directorate's ongoing effort to review all IETF documents being
>     processed by the IESG.
>
>     The summary of the review is Ready with Nits.
>
>     Sorry to get this review in so late but, while approved by the IESG,
>     the draft is still in revised draft needed state so this may do some
>     good. On the security front, although the draft is pretty complex and
>     I am not that familiar with HIP, I did not see any significant
>     security issues that were not already called out in the draft. So I
>     concentrated on possible editorial issues.
>
>     Editorial:
>
>     Section 1.1, 3rd paragraph, page 5. Delete "However," a the beginning
>     of the 2nd sentence. It doesn't make sense.
>
>     Section 2.3, Definitions should be in alphabetic order.
>
>     Section 2.3: It seems to me that people who are puzzled about what
>     something means are most likely to be puzzled by the acronym. So I
>     would put the acronym first, where there is an acronym or acronym-like
>     term to use, then the expansion in parenthesis or in the body of the
>     definition. This done for a couple of entries like CMAC and CKDF but
>     most are the other way.
>
>     Section 3 last paragraph and Section 12.10 5th bullet: "to use" -> "use of"
>
>     I think OGA  and KEYMAT should be in the Definitions list and KEYMAT,
>     which I assume just is short for "keying material", should be expanded
>     on first use in Section 6.3. Alternatively, you could just replace all
>     occurrences of KEYMAT with "Keying Material".
>
>     Section 5.3.2, page 23. The first sentence of the first paragraph
>     starting on that page has problems. Maybe "chose" should be "choses"
>     but I'm not sure:
>       "The DH_GROUP_LIST parameter contains the Responder's order of
>        preference based on which the Responder chose the ECDH key contained
>        in the HOST_ID parameter (see below)."
>
>     Appendix A, first sentence, "allows to identify" -> "allows identifying"
>
>     Appendix B, "IEDG" -> "IESG"
>
>     Appendix B, around the middle of page 51, right after the line
>     beginning with "Section 6," there are three line with a blank line
>     before and after. I found this confusing at first. I suggest those
>     three line also be indented.
>
>     Appendix B, page 52, "SHOUDS" -> "SHOUDs"
>
>     Thanks,
>     Donald
>     ===============================
>      Donald E. Eastlake 3rd   [phone] (cell)
>      2386 Panoramic Circle, Apopka, FL 32703 USA
>      [e-mail]
>
>
>