[sipcore] Copy edits for draft-ietf-sipcore-rfc4244bis-callflows-04
worley@ariadne.com (Dale R. Worley) Thu, 11 July 2013 19:46 UTC
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To: sipcore@ietf.org
Subject: [sipcore] Copy edits for draft-ietf-sipcore-rfc4244bis-callflows-04
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Thanks to Shida for revising draft-ietf-sipcore-rfc4244bis-callflows!
This is a bunch of copy-edits to
draft-ietf-sipcore-rfc4244bis-callflows-04. Section pointers are
marked with "*" at the left margin. Discussion items are marked with
"." at the left margin. All copy-edits are displayed in "diff"
format.
All of my copy-edits to draft-ietf-sipcore-rfc4244bis-callflows-03
have been resolved, excepting any that may be repeated below
* Section 3.1. Sequentially Forking (History-Info in Response)
. In message F11, the text "index=1.2.1" appears twice.
F11 486 Busy Here home -> example.com
SIP/2.0 486 Busy Here
Via: SIP/2.0/TCP proxy.example.com:5060;branch=z9hG4bKx5st
Via: SIP/2.0/TCP 192.0.2.3:5060;branch=z9hG4bK4321
From: Alice <sip:alice@example.com>;tag=sr3dds
To: Bob <sip:bob@example.com>;tag=55rdds
Call-Id: 12345600@example.com
History-Info: <sip:bob@example.com>;index=1
History-Info: <sip:bob@192.0.2.4?Reason=SIP%3Bcause%3D302>;\
index=1.1;rc=1
History-Info: <sip:office@example.com?Reason=SIP%3Bcause%3D408>;\
index=1.2;mp=1
History-Info: <sip:office@192.0.2.5?Reason=SIP%3Bcause%3D408>;\
- index=1.2.1;index=1.2.1;rc=1.2
+ index=1.2.1;rc=1.2
History-Info: <sip:home@example.com>;index=1.3;mp=1
History-Info: <sip:home@192.0.2.6>;index=1.3.1;rc=1.3
CSeq: 1 INVITE
Content-Length: 0
* Section 3.6. PBX Voicemail Example
. In message F7, it appears that the Reason values 480 in index 1.3
and 1.3.1 are both incorrectly changed to 408, because the value 480
is used in the preceding message (which is the first appearance of
1.3 and 1.3.3).
F6 INVITE Example.com -> VM
INVITE sip:vm@192.0.2.6;target=sip:bob%40example.com;cause=480\
SIP/2.0
Via: SIP/2.0/TCP proxy.example.com:5060;branch=z9hG4bK4523
Via: SIP/2.0/TCP 192.0.2.3:5060;branch=z9hG4bK42t2
Max-Forward: 69
From: Alice <sip:alice@example.com>;tag=kkaz-
To: Bob <sip:bob@example.com>
Supported: histinfo
Call-Id: 12345600@example.com
CSeq: 1 INVITE
History-Info: <sip:bob@example.com>;index=1
History-Info: <sip:bob@192.0.2.5?Reason=SIP%3Bcause%3D302>;\
index=1.1;rc=1
History-Info: <sip:carol@example.com;cause=480?Reason=SIP%3Bcause%3D\
408>;index=1.2;mp=1
History-Info: <sip:carol@192.0.2.4;cause=480?Reason=SIP%3Bcause%3D\
408>;index=1.2.1;rc=1.2
History-Info: <sip:vm@example.com;\
target=sip:bob%40example.com;cause=480>;\
index=1.3;mp=1
History-Info: <sip:vm@192.0.2.6;\
target=sip:bob%40example.com;cause=480>;\
index=1.3.1;rc=1.3
Contact: Alice <sip:alice@192.0.2.3>
Content-Type: application/sdp
Content-Length: <appropriate value>
F7 200 OK VM -> Example.com
SIP/2.0 200 OK
Via: SIP/2.0/TCP proxy.example.com:5060;branch=z9hG4bK4523;\
received=192.0.2.101
Via: SIP/2.0/TCP 192.0.2.3:5060;branch=z9hG4bK42t2
From: Alice <sip:alice@example.com>;tag=kkaz-
To: Bob <sip:bob@example.com>;tag=3dweggs
Supported: histinfo
Call-Id: 12345600@example.com
CSeq: 1 INVITE
History-Info: <sip:bob@example.com>;index=1
History-Info: <sip:bob@192.0.2.5?Reason=SIP%3Bcause%3D302>;\
index=1.1;rc=1
History-Info: <sip:carol@example.com;cause=480?Reason=SIP%3Bcause%3D\
408>;index=1.2;mp=1
History-Info: <sip:carol@192.0.2.4;cause=480?Reason=SIP%3Bcause%3D\
408>;index=1.2.1;rc=1.2
History-Info: <sip:vm@example.com;\
- target=sip:bob%40example.com;cause=408>;\
+ target=sip:bob%40example.com;cause=480>;\
index=1.3;mp=1
History-Info: <sip:vm@192.0.2.6;\
- target=sip:bob%40example.com;cause=408>;\
+ target=sip:bob%40example.com;cause=480>;\
index=1.3.1;rc=1.3
Contact: <sip:vm@192.0.2.6>
Content-Type: application/sdp
Content-Length: <appropriate value>
* Section 3.7. Consumer Voicemail Example
. In message F4, index 1.1, there is a '>' that is doubled. In F5,
index 1.1, this '>>' is turned into '>">'. In F6, index 1.1, it is
again '>>'. In message F7, index 1.1, it is shown correctly as '>'.
. In message F6, index 1.2.2 has the portion "index=1.2.2;mp=1.2" on a
separate line that does not start with whitespace. As such, it is not
a continuation of the previous header line. What was probably
intended was that that line was the tail of the preceding line, which
now contains just a semicolon.
. In message F6, index 1.2 has "Reason=...408", but the fork
descendant from 1.2 has not terminated yet. This Reason parameter
should be on index 1.2.1 instead. F7 needs the same fix on index 1.2,
although index 1.2.1 is correct.
. In message F6, the URI in index 1.2.2 probably needs a "cause=408"
parameter. This isn't absolutely certain, as the target of the URI is
a service whose exact interface is unspecified, but it seems like
adding "cause" would be the best practice re RFC 4458. The same
change would then be needed in message F7. The "cause=408" parameter
would then probably be carried over into the URI of index 1.2.2.1 (in
both F6 and F7). In any case, the "cause=408" *header* parameter in
message F6, index 1.2.2.1 is incorrect.
. In message F6, index 1.2.2.1, the "rc" parameter should be 1.2.2
rather than 1.3.
F4 INVITE Example.com -> Carol
INVITE sip:carol@192.0.2.4 SIP/2.0
Via: SIP/2.0/TCP proxy.example.com:5060;branch=z9hG4bK24s5
Via: SIP/2.0/TCP 192.0.2.3:5060;branch=z9hG4bK42t2
Max-Forward: 69
From: Alice <sip:alice@example.com>;tag=kkaz-
To: Bob <sip:bob@example.com>
Supported: histinfo
Call-Id: 12345600@example.com
CSeq: 1 INVITE
History-Info: <sip:bob@example.com>;index=1
History-Info: <sip:bob@192.0.2.5?Reason=SIP%3Bcause%3D302\
- %3Btext%3D%22Moved%20Temporarily%22>>\
+ %3Btext%3D%22Moved%20Temporarily%22>\
;index=1.1;rc=1
History-Info: <sip:carol@example.com>;index=1.2;mp=1
History-Info: <sip:carol@192.0.2.4>;index=1.2.1;rc=1.2
Contact: Alice <sip:alice@192.0.2.3>
Content-Type: application/sdp
Content-Length: <appropriate value>
F5 180 Ringing Carol -> Example.com
SIP/2.0 180 Ringing
Via: SIP/2.0/TCP proxy.example.com:5060;branch=z9hG4bK24s5;\
received=192.0.2.101
Via: SIP/2.0/TCP 192.0.2.3:5060;branch=z9hG4bK42t2
From: Alice <sip:alice@example.com>;tag=kkaz-
To: Bob <sip:bob@example.com>;tag=setss3x
Supported: histinfo
Call-Id: 12345600@example.com
CSeq: 1 INVITE
History-Info: <sip:bob@example.com>;index=1
History-Info: <sip:bob@192.0.2.5?Reason=SIP%3Bcause%3D302\
- %3Btext%3D%22Moved%20Temporarily%22>">\
+ %3Btext%3D%22Moved%20Temporarily%22>\
;index=1.1;rc=1
History-Info: <sip:carol@example.com>;index=1.2;mp=1
History-Info: <sip:carol@192.0.2.4>;index=1.2.1;rc=1.2
Contact: <sip:carol@192.0.2.4>
Content-Type: application/sdp
Content-Length: <appropriate value>
F6 INVITE Example.com -> VM
INVITE sip:vm@192.0.2.6;target=sip:carol%40example.com SIP/2.0
Via: SIP/2.0/TCP proxy.example.com:5060;branch=z9hG4bKbbg4
Via: SIP/2.0/TCP 192.0.2.3:5060;branch=z9hG4bK42t2
Max-Forward: 69
From: Alice <sip:alice@example.com>;tag=kkaz-
To: Bob <sip:bob@example.com>
Supported: histinfo
Call-Id: 12345600@example.com
CSeq: 1 INVITE
History-Info: <sip:bob@example.com>;index=1
History-Info: <sip:bob@192.0.2.5?Reason=SIP%3Bcause%3D302\
- %3Btext%3D%22Moved%20Temporarily%22>>\
+ %3Btext%3D%22Moved%20Temporarily%22>\
;index=1.1;rc=1
- History-Info: <sip:carol@example.com?Reason=SIP%3Bcause%3D408>;\
+ History-Info: <sip:carol@example.com>;\
index=1.2;mp=1
- History-Info: <sip:carol@192.0.2.4>;index=1.2.1;rc=1.2
+ History-Info: <sip:carol@192.0.2.4?Reason=SIP%3Bcause%3D408>;index=1.2.1;rc=1.2
- History-Info: <sip:vm@example.com;target=sip:carol%40example.com>\
- ;
- index=1.2.2;mp=1.2
+ History-Info: <sip:vm@example.com;target=sip:carol%40example.com;cause=408>\
+ ;index=1.2.2;mp=1.2
- History-Info: <sip:vm@192.0.2.5;target=sip:carol%40example.com>\
- ;cause=408;index=1.2.2.1;rc=1.3
+ History-Info: <sip:vm@192.0.2.5;target=sip:carol%40example.com;cause=408>\
+ ;index=1.2.2.1;rc=1.2.2
Contact: Alice <sip:alice@192.0.2.3>
Content-Type: application/sdp
Content-Length: <appropriate value>
F7 200 OK VM -> Example.com
SIP/2.0 200 OK
Via: SIP/2.0/TCP proxy.example.com:5060;branch=z9hG4bKbbg4
Via: SIP/2.0/TCP 192.0.2.3:5060;branch=z9hG4bK42t2
From: Alice <sip:alice@example.com>;tag=kkaz-
To: Bob <sip:bob@example.com>;tag=3dweggs
Supported: histinfo
Call-Id: 12345600@example.com
CSeq: 1 INVITE
History-Info: <sip:bob@example.com>;index=1
History-Info: <sip:bob@192.0.2.5?Reason=SIP%3Bcause%3D302\
%3Btext%3D%22Moved%20Temporarily%22>\
;index=1.1;rc=1
- History-Info: <sip:carol@example.com?Reason=SIP%3Bcause%3D408>;\
+ History-Info: <sip:carol@example.com>;\
index=1.2;mp=1
History-Info: <sip:carol@192.0.2.4?Reason=SIP%3Bcause%3D408>;\
index=1.2.1;rc=1.2
- History-Info: <sip:vm@example.com;target=sip:carol%40example.com>;\
+ History-Info: <sip:vm@example.com;target=sip:carol%40example.com;cause=408>;\
index=1.2.2;mp=1.2
- History-Info: <sip:vm@192.0.2.5;target=sip:carol%40example.com>;\
+ History-Info: <sip:vm@192.0.2.5;target=sip:carol%40example.com;cause=408>;\
index=1.2.2.1;rc=1.2.2
Contact: <sip:carol@192.0.2.5>
Content-Type: application/sdp
Content-Length: <appropriate value>
Dale
- [sipcore] Copy edits for draft-ietf-sipcore-rfc42… Dale R. Worley
- Re: [sipcore] Copy edits for draft-ietf-sipcore-r… Shida Schubert