Re: [auth48] AUTH48: RFC-to-be 9478 <draft-ietf-ipsecme-labeled-ipsec-12> for your review

[Madison Church <[e-mail]>]

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Thank you,
RFC Editor/mc

> On Sep 12, 2023, at 3:50 PM, [e-mail] wrote:
> 
> Authors,
> 
> While reviewing this document during AUTH48, please resolve (as necessary) the following questions, which are also in the XML file.
> 
> 1) <!-- [rfced] Please note that the title of the document has been updated as
> follows. Abbreviations have been expanded per Section 3.6 of RFC 7322
> ("RFC Style Guide").
> 
> Original:
>   Labeled IPsec Traffic Selector support for IKEv2
> 
> Current:
>   Labeled IPsec Traffic Selector Support for the    
>   Internet Key Exchange Protocol Version 2 (IKEv2) -->
> 
> 
> 2) <!-- [rfced] Please review whether any of the notes in this document
> should be in the <aside> element. It is defined as "a container for 
> content that is semantically less important or tangential to the 
> content that surrounds it" (https://authors.ietf.org/en/rfcxml-vocabulary#aside). -->
> 
> 
> 3) <!-- [rfced] May we rephrase the following sentence for readability?
> 
> Original: 
>   That is, the IKE implementation might not have any knowledge of the
>   meaning of this selector, other than as a type and opaque value to
>   pass to the SPD.
> 
> Perhaps: 
>   That is, the IKE implementation might not have any knowledge regarding
>   the meaning of this selector other than recognizing it as a type and
>   opaque value to pass to the SPD. -->
> 
> 
> 4) <!-- [rfced] We are unable to parse the following sentence, particularly
> "start and end address/port match". Please let us know how we can update
> this text for clarity.
> 
> Original: 
>   If multiple Security Labels are allowed for a given IP protocol,
>   start and end address/port match, the initiator includes all of
>   the acceptable TS_SECLABEL's and the responder MUST select one 
>   of them.
> 
> Perhaps: 
>   If multiple Security Labels are allowed for a given IP protocol, such
>   as a start and end address/port match, the initiator includes all the
>   TS_SECLABELs that are acceptable, and the responder MUST select one of 
>   them. -->
> 
> 
> 5) <!-- [rfced] We have clarified and rephrased the following sentence to limit
> the repetition of the word "first". Please let us know any objections.
> 
> Original: 
>   If the initiator does not support this, and wants to prevent the
>   responder from picking different labels for the TSi / TSr payloads, 
>   it should attempt a Child SA negotiation with only the first Security 
>   Label first, and upon failure retry a new Child SA negotiation with 
>   only the second Security Label.
> 
> Current: 
>   If the initiator does not support this and wants to prevent the
>   responder from picking different labels for the TSi/TSr payloads,
>   it should attempt a Child SA negotiation and start with the first 
>   Security Label only. Upon failure, the initiator should retry a 
>   new Child SA negotiation with only the second Security Label. -->
> 
> 
> 6) <!--[rfced] Please confirm that you would like to point to this reference
> even though there is a note stating that it was withdrawn as of
> October 2015 (see the warning at
> <https://csrc.nist.gov/pubs/fips/188/finals>).
> 
> Current:
>   [FIPS188]  National Institute of Standards and Technology (NIST),
>              "Standard Security Label for Information Transfer", FIPS
>              PUB 188, September 1994,
>              <https://csrc.nist.gov/publications/detail/fips/188/
>              archive/1994-09-06>.--> 
> 
> 
> 7) <!-- [rfced] Terminology
> 
> a) The following terms appear to be used inconsistently, so we updated the
> text to reflect the latter forms. Please let us know of any objections.
> 
>  traffic selector -> Traffic Selector
>  Traffic Selector type -> Traffic Selector Type
>  TS Payload -> TS payload
>  TSi/TSr Payloads -> Tsi/TSr payloads
> 
> b) We notice instances of "Security Label" vs. "security label". We
> assume that the lowercase form is used when referring to security
> labels in general and the capitalized form is used when referring to 
> the opaque byte stream of at least one octet. Please review this
> term in the running text and let us know if any instances need
> updating for consistency.-->
> 
> 
> 8) <!-- [rfced] Abbreviations/Acronyms
> 
> a) We note that "MLS" is expanded as "Multi-Level Secure (MLS)" in RFC 5570 and 
> "Multilevel Systems (MLS)" in this document. Would you like to update the 
> expansion to match RFC 5570 (option i)? If you do not want to update it to match, 
> should the abbreviation be plural (option ii)?
> 
> Perhaps:
> i)  Historically, security labels used by Multi-level Secure (MLS) systems
>    are comprised of a sensitivity level (or classification) field and a
>    compartment (or category) field, as defined in [FIPS188] and
>    [RFC5570]. 
> or 
> 
> ii) Historically, security labels used by Multilevel Systems (MLSes) are
>    comprised of a sensitivity level (or classification) field and a
>    compartment (or category) field, as defined in [FIPS188] and
>    [RFC5570]. 
> 
> b) We note that Section 1.2 defines two uses for the term "Traffic Selector"
> (one with no abbreviation and one with the abbreviation "TS"). To make
> abbreviations consistent, we suggest using "TS" after the first introduction
> of the term where appropriate. Are there instances throughout the document
> where we should not abbreviate this term (e.g., only abbreviating the term
> where it modifies a noun, such as Traffic Selector Type)? -->
> 
> 
> 9) <!-- [rfced] Please review the "Inclusive Language" portion of the online 
> Style Guide <https://www.rfc-editor.org/styleguide/part2/#inclusive_language>
> and let us know if any changes are needed. Note that our script did not flag 
> any words in particular, but this should still be reviewed as a best practice. -->
> 
> 
> Thank you.
> 
> RFC Editor/mc/kc
> 
> 
> On Sep 12, 2023, at 1:49 PM, [e-mail] wrote:
> 
> *****IMPORTANT*****
> 
> Updated 2023/09/12
> 
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> Files 
> -----
> 
> The files are available here:
>  https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9478.xml
>  https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9478.html
>  https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9478.pdf
>  https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9478.txt
> 
> Diff file of the text:
>  https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9478-diff.html
>  https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9478-rfcdiff.html (side by side)
> 
> Diff of the XML: 
>  https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9478-xmldiff1.html
> 
> The following files are provided to facilitate creation of your own 
> diff files of the XML.  
> 
> Initial XMLv3 created using XMLv2 as input:
>  https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9478.original.v2v3.xml 
> 
> XMLv3 file that is a best effort to capture v3-related format updates 
> only: 
>  https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9478.form.xml
> 
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> Thank you for your cooperation,
> 
> RFC Editor
> 
> --------------------------------------
> RFC9478 (draft-ietf-ipsecme-labeled-ipsec-12)
> 
> Title            : Labeled IPsec Traffic Selector support for IKEv2
> Author(s)        : P. Wouters, S. Prasad
> WG Chair(s)      : Yoav Nir, Tero Kivinen
> 
> Area Director(s) : Roman Danyliw, Paul Wouters
> 
> 
>