Re: [auth48] AUTH48: RFC-to-be 9547 <draft-iab-ws-environmental-impacts-report-03> for your review

[[e-mail]]

Authors,

While reviewing this document during AUTH48, please resolve (as necessary) 
the following questions, which are also in the XML file.

1) <!-- [rfced] Please review the guidance for IAB documents
<https://www.rfc-editor.org/materials/iab-format.txt> and let us know what
changes are needed.

For example, boilerplate text in the Abstract and Introduction appear to
be missing and author names are listed with organizations in the header.
-->


2) <!-- [rfced] Colin, please confirm whether you would like your middle 
initial to appear in the document header and authors' addresses section.  
It appears in this document, but your name is more commonly listed in RFCs 
without your middle initial. 

document header: C. S. Perkins
author's address: Colin S. Perkins
-->    


3) <!-- [rfced] For clarity, may we update "background" to "premise"?  In 
addition, please consider the update to the last sentence.  

Original:
   The background for the workshop was that Internet communications and
   applications have both environmental costs and benefits.  ... 
   Of course, the Internet can  equally well act as an
   enabler for increasing physical goods consumption, for instance,
   through easing commerce.

Perhaps:
   The premise for the workshop was that Internet communications and
   applications have both environmental costs and benefits.  ...
   On the other hand, the Internet can equally well act as an
   enabler for increasing physical goods consumption, for instance,
   by facilitating commerce.
-->


4) <!-- [rfced] "Presentations held during the discussions" reads oddly.  
Please consider whether the suggested udpate is more clear. 

Original: 
   Presentations held during the discussions can be found from the IETF
   Datatracker at https://datatracker.ietf.org/group/eimpactws/
   meetings/.

Perhaps: 
   Presentations and related materials from the workshop are available from
   the IETF Datatracker <https://datatracker.ietf.org/group/eimpactws/meetings/>.
-->


5) <!-- [rfced] For readability, may we update this sentence as follows? 

Orignal:
   The discussion at the IETF will continue after the workshop, both
   around specific proposals as well as general discussion on a new
   mailing list, the e-impact list ([e-mail]). 

Perhaps:
   After the workshop, the IETF will continue to discuss general topics
   and specific proposals on a new mailing list, the e-impact list
   ([e-mail]).
-->


6) <!-- [rfced] May we update this sentence as follows?

Original: 
   Some improvements addressing specific situations are being discussed
   at the IETF, such as the Time Variant Routing (TVR) proposal that can
   help optimize connectivity with systems that are periodically on or
   reachable (such as satellites).

Perhaps:
   The IETF is discussing improvements for specific situations, such as 
   the Time Variant Routing (TVR) proposal, which can
   help optimize connectivity with systems that are periodically on or
   reachable (such as satellites).
-->


7) <!-- [rfced] RFC 7540 has been obsoleted by RFC 9113.  We have replaced 
RFC 7540 with RFC 9113. Please let us know any objections.

Original:
   Indeed, some recently
   finished protocols such as HTTP/2 have already chosen to use this
   technique [RFC7540].

Current:
   Indeed, some recently
   finished protocols such as HTTP/2 have already chosen to use this
   technique [RFC9113].
-->


8) <!--[rfced] For clarity, may we update "overall system carbon footprint"
as follows?

Original:
   For all improvements, the importance of metrics was frequently
   highlighted to ensure changes lead to a meaningful reduction in
   overall system carbon footprint.

Perhaps:
   For all improvements, the importance of metrics was frequently
   highlighted to ensure changes lead to a meaningful reduction in
   the overall carbon footprint of systems.
-->   


9) <!-- [rfced] What are virtual meetings a common example of?  Are they an 
example of where the carbon footprint can be reduced?  

Original:
   Note that while virtual meetings are a common example, it is
   important to consider different use cases, some of which may not be
   as obvious to us human users as meetings are.

Perhaps:
   Note that while shifting to virtual meetings is a common example of how 
   the carbon footprint could be decreased, it is important to consider 
   different use cases, some of which may not be as obvious to us human 
   users as meetings are.
-->


10) <!-- [rfced] May we update this sentence for clarity?  Are these groups 
already discussing metrics, or are they venues where metrics may be 
dicussed in the future? 

Orignal:
   *  IETF activities on specific technologies are already ongoing or
      starting, such as metrics discussed, for instance, at the NMRG
      research group [NMRG] or the OPSAWG working group [OPSAWG], or the
      new Time Variant Routing (TVR) working group [TVR].

Perhaps:
   *  IETF activities on specific technologies are already ongoing or
      starting; for example, metrics are being discussed in the NMRG
      research group [NMRG], the OPSAWG working group [OPSAWG], and the
      new Time Variant Routing (TVR) working group [TVR].
-->


11) <!-- [rfced] We have updated this sentence as follows for readability.  
Please review to ensure the that intended meaning has not been changed and 
let us know if udpates are needed. 

   *  Help initiate research activities that address some of the issues,
      such as broader gathering and sharing of measurement data,
      analysis of this data and looking at business related issues such
      as the impact of peering or advertising impacts sustainability.

Current: 
   *  Help initiate research activities that address some of the issues,
      such as broader gathering and sharing of measurement data,
      analysis of this data, and examination of business-related issues,
      such as how peering or advertising impacts sustainability.
-->


12) <!-- [rfced] Because the list is introduced as an example, may we 
remove "for instance" within the bulleted item? 

Original:
   Such influence on security may come in different forms.  For
   instance:

   *  A mechanism that makes, for instance, energy consumption
      information available may be susceptible to tampering or providing
      false information.  ... 
-->


13) <!-- [rfced] Note that we have added Michael Welzl as an author, 
as his name appears on the document <https://www.iab.org/wp-content/IAB-uploads/2023/12/Clemm-Westphal-Tantsura-Ciavaglia-Odini_Challenges-and-Opportunities-in-Green-Networking.pdf>.  Please let us know any 
corrections. 

Original:
   *  Alexander Clemm, Cedric Westphal, Jeff Tantsura, Laurent
      Ciavaglia, Marie-Paule Odini : "Challenges and Opportunities in 
      Green Networking" [ClemmB]
-->


14) <!--[rfced] We note that there are discrepancies between the program 
committee members listed in Section 8 and those listed at
<https://www.iab.org/activities/workshops/e-impact/>. In this document, 
Colin Perkins is listed as a program committee co-chair and "Jiankang Yao, 
CNNIC" is not listed. Should these be made consistent?
-->


15) <!--[rfced] FYI, the original URL listed for [NMRG] returned a 404 
error. We have updated that URL to be <https://www.irtf.org/nmrg.html>.
    
Original:
   [NMRG]     IRTF, "Network Management Research Group (NMRG)", IRTF
              Research Group, see https://irtf.org/nmrg , March 1999.

Current:

   [NMRG]     IRTF, "Network Management Research Group NMRG", IRTF
              Research Group, March 1999,
              <https://www.irtf.org/nmrg.html>.
-->


16) <!-- [rfced] In the "IAB Members at the Time of Approval" section: 
Looking at the most recent workshop RFCs published by the IAB, the list of IAB Members does not typically include organizations.  We have removed them from this section.  Please let us know if changes are needed. 
-->


17) <!-- [rfced] FYI - We have added expansions for the following 
abbreviations per Section 3.6 of RFC 7322 ("RFC Style Guide"). Please 
review each expansion in the document carefully to ensure correctness.

Artificial Intelligence (AI)
Key Performance Indicator (KPI)
Standards Development Organization (SDO)
-->


18) <!-- [rfced] Please review the "Inclusive Language" portion of the 
online Style Guide <https://www.rfc-editor.org/styleguide/part2/#inclusive_language> 
and let us know if any changes are needed.

In addition, please consider whether "traditional" should be updated for
clarity. While the NIST website
<https://www.nist.gov/nist-research-library/nist-technical-series-publications-author-instructions#table1> 
indicates that this term is potentially biased, it is also ambiguous.  
"Tradition" is a subjective term, as it is not the same for everyone.
-->


Thank you.

RFC Editor



On Feb 9, 2024, at 7:44 PM, [e-mail] wrote:

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Updated 2024/02/09

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--------------------------------------
RFC9547 (draft-iab-ws-environmental-impacts-report-03)

Title            : Report from the IAB Workshop on Environmental Impact of Internet Applications and Systems, 2022
Author(s)        : J. Arkko, C. S. Perkins, S. Krishnan
WG Chair(s)      : 
Area Director(s) :