[core] Genart last call review of draft-ietf-core-yang-cbor-15

Peter Yee via Datatracker <noreply@ietf.org> Sun, 21 March 2021 01:15 UTC

Return-Path: <noreply@ietf.org>
X-Original-To: core@ietf.org
Delivered-To: core@ietfa.amsl.com
Received: from ietfa.amsl.com (localhost [IPv6:::1]) by ietfa.amsl.com (Postfix) with ESMTP id 744433A10A7; Sat, 20 Mar 2021 18:15:17 -0700 (PDT)
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="utf-8"
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit
From: Peter Yee via Datatracker <noreply@ietf.org>
To: <gen-art@ietf.org>
Cc: core@ietf.org, draft-ietf-core-yang-cbor.all@ietf.org, last-call@ietf.org
X-Test-IDTracker: no
X-IETF-IDTracker: 7.27.0
Auto-Submitted: auto-generated
Precedence: bulk
Message-ID: <161628931741.12906.14218382588913943918@ietfa.amsl.com>
Reply-To: Peter Yee <peter@akayla.com>
Date: Sat, 20 Mar 2021 18:15:17 -0700
Archived-At: <https://mailarchive.ietf.org/arch/msg/core/nedP-VxARmayIN9aLfyfyctm2l4>
Subject: [core] Genart last call review of draft-ietf-core-yang-cbor-15
X-BeenThere: core@ietf.org
X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.29
List-Id: "Constrained RESTful Environments \(CoRE\) Working Group list" <core.ietf.org>
List-Unsubscribe: <https://www.ietf.org/mailman/options/core>, <mailto:core-request@ietf.org?subject=unsubscribe>
List-Archive: <https://mailarchive.ietf.org/arch/browse/core/>
List-Post: <mailto:core@ietf.org>
List-Help: <mailto:core-request@ietf.org?subject=help>
List-Subscribe: <https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/core>, <mailto:core-request@ietf.org?subject=subscribe>
X-List-Received-Date: Sun, 21 Mar 2021 01:15:18 -0000

Reviewer: Peter Yee
Review result: Ready with Nits

I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area
Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed
by the IESG for the IETF Chair.  Please treat these comments just
like any other last call comments.

For more information, please see the FAQ at

<https://trac.ietf.org/trac/gen/wiki/GenArtfaq>.

Document: draft-ietf-core-yang-cbor-15
Reviewer: Peter Yee
Review Date: 2021-03-20
IETF LC End Date: 2021-03-17
IESG Telechat date: Not scheduled for a telechat

Summary: This seems like a straightforward encoding specification draft. While
I did not check to see that the example encodings were correct, they appeared
logical to the eye. Really, the only thing I have to offer is a small set of
nits that mildly improve the readability of the document. [Ready with nits]

Major issues: None

Minor issues: None

Nits/editorial comments:

General:

Ensure that “i.e.” is followed by a comma.

Specific:

Page 4, “child” term: insert “or” before “an action output”.

Page 4, “item” term: append a comma after submodule.

Page 5, section 3, 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: append a comma after “input”.
Change the first “and” to “or” (before “action output”).

Page 5, section 3, 3rd paragraph, 2nd sentence: consider inserting “a” before
“SID”. Append a comma after “nodes”. Change the “and” to “or”.

Page 5, section 3, 5th paragraph, 1st sentence: change “and” to “or”.

Page 5, section 3, 6th paragraph, 1st sentence: change the first “node” to
“nodes”. Append a comma after “name”.

Page 8, section 3.2, 6th bullet item: append a comma after “submodules”.

Page 8, section 3.3, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: change “string” to “strings”.
Change “as” after “similar” to “to”.

Page 8, section 3.3, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “to SIDs” to “with
SID”.

Page 11, section 4.2, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: consider aligning the
capitalization and pluralization of terms in this sentence with the usage in
the Abstract. Append a comma after “inputs” (or “input” if you change this
sentence to match the Abstract).

Page 22, 1st paragraph following the bullet items, 2nd sentence: change comma
after to either a period or a semicolon.

Page 26, section 5.1, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change the comma to a
semicolon. Insert “to” before “the CBOR”.

Page 27, section 5.2, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change the comma to a
semicolon. Insert “to” before “the CBOR”.

Page 29, 1st paragraph: change “a” before “’mtu’” to “an”.

Page 35, section 6.10: delete the comma after “identityref”. Insert “as” before
both “a YANG Schema” and “a name”.

Page 35, section 6.10.1, 2nd sentence: consider changing “as” to “used for”.

Page 36, section 6.11, 2nd paragraph: change “a” to “an” before “’is-router’”.

Page 37, section 6.12, 2nd paragraph following the bullet items: insert “a”
before “CBOR”.

Page 39, 3rd paragraph: would it make more sense to change “Schema nodes
member” to “Schema node members”?

Page 39, 2nd bullet item, 2nd sentence: insert “the” before “top”. Change
“follow” to “followed”.

Page 41, section 6.13.2, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: I believe “analogous”
makes more sense than “analogical” in this sentence:

Page 43, section 8, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “of” to “to”.