Re: [dispatch] Comments on draft-vanelburg-dispatch-private-network-ind-02

The proposed abstract is fine with me.

My main concern was not to make it longer and the proposal meets that concern.

Keith

> -----Original Message-----
> From: dispatch-bounces@ietf.org [mailto:dispatch-bounces@ietf.org] On
> Behalf Of Mayumi Ohsugi
> Sent: 09 September 2013 07:31
> To: dispatch@ietf.org
> Subject: Re: [dispatch] Comments on draft-vanelburg-dispatch-private-
> network-ind-02
> 
> Hi Dale,
> 
> Thank you for the review and comments on
> draft-vanelburg-dispatch-private-network-ind-02.
> 
> I agree that the abstract needs a statement
> telling what the header means.
> 
> I will correct the abstract as you proposed.
> 
> Thanks,
> Mayumi
> 
> 
> (2013/08/30 23:26), Dale R. Worley wrote:
> >> From: "DRAGE, Keith (Keith)" <keith.drage@alcatel-lucent.com>
> >>
> >> I also think the abstract is long enough as it is and your proposed
> >> sentence can be inferred from the text, sufficiently for
> >> bibliographies and so on to identify what the document is about. To
> >> include what you want, what would you delete?
> >
> > I'd say that everything in the abstract can be inferred from the text,
> > but the point of an abstract is that you should be able to read it
> > without reading the text and yet know what the text is about.  I think
> > you've been thinking about PPNI long enough that you don't notice that
> > its purpose isn't obvious to the naive reader.
> >
> > In regard to the size of the abstract, certainly you could omit
> > sentence 4, "The indication also distinguishes traffic from one
> > private network from another private network." as that would be
> > redundant after adding my proposed sentence between sentences 1 and 2.
> > If that isn't sufficient, I would propose removing sentence 2, "The
> > use of ...", as that is pretty much common to all P- headers (and is
> > stated in detail in section 1.2), and isn't as important as describing
> > what the header is *for*.
> >
> > So I propose this as an improved abstract:
> >
> >      This document specifies the SIP P-Private-Network-Indication
> >      P-header used by the 3rd-Generation Partnership Project (3GPP).
> >      The P-Private-Network-Indication indicates that the message is
> >      part of the message traffic of a private network, and identifies
> >      that private network.  A private network indication allows nodes
> >      to treat private network traffic according to a different set of
> >      rules than the set applicable to public network traffic.
> >
> > Dale
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> >
> 
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