[Gen-art] Gen-art last call review of draft-ietf-pkix-rfc5272-bis
Elwyn Davies <elwynd@googlemail.com> Mon, 05 September 2011 07:25 UTC
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Date: Mon, 05 Sep 2011 08:27:09 +0100
From: Elwyn Davies <elwynd@googlemail.com>
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To: General Area Reviwing Team <gen-art@ietf.org>, draft-ietf-pkix-rfc5272-bis.all@tools.ietf.org, Russ Housley <housley@vigilsec.com>
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Subject: [Gen-art] Gen-art last call review of draft-ietf-pkix-rfc5272-bis
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I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at <http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>. Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments you may receive. Document: draft-ietf-pkix-rfc5272-bis-05 Reviewer: Elwyn Davies Review Date: 5 September 2011 IETF LC End Date: 29 August 2011 (sorry) IESG Telechat date: (if known) - Summary: Probably ready with nits. I cannot trace one of the added pieces of ASN.1 in the body into the appendix but this may be a problem with my understanding of ASN.1. There is also one possible missing cross reference between the updated base RFCs Major issues: Minor issues: Nits/editorial comments: General: The TBDs for the OIDs in the body are not linked to the numbered TBDs in the ASN.1 appendices, General: There are a number of acronyms (e.g., RA) that are defined in the base (to be updated) RFCs. I think the definitions (and derivations) probably need to be duplicated here (in a separate terminology section?) Thus may be irrelevant if the document is merely going to be used as instructions for updates to the base RFCs. General: There are a number of places where there are instructions embedded in alleged new sections. The distinction could be improved by adding (say) 'New Text starts here:' General: There are a few places where it would be desirable to use non-breaking hyphens to avoid ASN.1 names being split across lines. Abstract/s1: It would be useful to give a summary of the general areas of the deficiencies. Presently its not clear why one might want to read this doc. This is probably a summary of ss2.1, 3.1 and 4.1) [Note for s2.3, para 2: Presumably the change from referencing s6.3.1.3 to s6.1.3 is an appropriate correction of a typo in the original.] s2.6, para 2: > This control is designed to > be used in a couple of different cases where an RA has done some > additional processing on the certificate request such as key > generation and needs to respond with both the original response > message from the certificate issuer as well as in the response the RA > is generating. This seems a bit offhand. Is it sufficient to accurately to define where it is used? s2.6: I don't see the ASN.1 for id-cmc-responseBody in the Appendix. Is this a bug? s2.11: Is the port referred to here the same as the one being allocated in s3.1? If so it would probably be helpful to have a reference to the updated RFC 5273.
- [Gen-art] Gen-art last call review of draft-ietf-… Elwyn Davies