[Gen-art] Gen-ART LC review of draft-ietf-trill-channel-tunnel-09

"Peter Yee" <peter@akayla.com> Sat, 02 July 2016 06:33 UTC

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From: "Peter Yee" <peter@akayla.com>
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Date: Fri, 1 Jul 2016 23:33:52 -0700
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Subject: [Gen-art] Gen-ART LC review of draft-ietf-trill-channel-tunnel-09
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I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft.  The General Area Review
Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed by the IESG for
the IETF Chair.  Please treat these comments just like any other last call
comment.  For background on Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at
<http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>

Document: draft-ietf-trill-channel-tunnel-09
Reviewer: Peter Yee
Review Date: July 1, 2016
IETF LC End Date: July  1, 2016
IESG Telechat date: July 7, 2016

Summary: This draft is basically ready for publication as a Proposed
Standard, but has some nits that should be fixed before publication. [Ready
with nits]

This draft extends TRILL RBridge Channels so that they can transmit
additional, tunneled message types.  Security services for RBridge Channel
messages can be provisioned via RFC 5310 authentication and/or DTLS.  The
draft is well-written and easy to understand in the larger TRILL context.

Major issues: None

Minor issues: None

Nits:

General:

For cases of "[RFC5310] Based authentication" to "[RFC5310]-based
authentication".  Watch for one instance of "RFC 5310 Based" as well.

Specific:

Page 3, Section 1, 1st paragraph, last sentence: delete the comma following
"link".

Page 4, "HKDF" definition: Change "Hash based" to "HMAC-based".

Page 4, "MTU" definition: add a period at the end of the definition for
consistency.

Page 4, "Sz" definition: change "Campus wide" to "Campus-wide".

Page 6, 1st full paragraph, 1st sentence: suggest changing "RBridge Channel
Extension Protocol" to "Extended RBridge Channel Protocol" as this is the
usage throughout the rest of the document.

Page 8, Section 3.1, 3rd sentence: insert "tunneled" before "data".  I hope
this will help clarity when referring back to Figure 2.4 which includes
"Tunneled Data".

Page 8, Section 3.2, 1st sentence: append "(tunneled data)" after "payload".
This is done for the same reason, although I'm not recommending doing this
for all further occurrences of "payload" in other sections as I hope the
connection is made by that point.

Page 12, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: change "link local" to "link-local".

Page 12, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change "These constructed addresses"
to "A constructed address".

Page 14, Section 4, 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: change "use" to "used".

Page 14, Section 4, 3rd paragraph, 1st sentence: change "DTLS based" to
"DTLS-based".

Page 14, Section 4, 4th paragraph, 2nd sentence: change "data accessible" to
"data-accessible".

Page 15, 1st partial paragraph, last sentence: insert "the" before
"output-derived".

Page 16, 1st bullet item: change "or" to "on".

Page 17, 1st paragraph: delete the comma after "keying".

Page 18, 2nd full paragraph, last sentence: change "secuirty" to "security".

Page 20, Section 6.2, 1st paragraph: change "a" to "an".

Page 21, Section 7, 3rd paragraph, 2nd sentence: delete "processing of".  Or
change "processing" to "process".