[Gen-art] Gen-art review of draft-ietf-crisp-iris-dchk-06.txt
Elwyn Davies <elwynd@dial.pipex.com> Sat, 10 February 2007 17:38 UTC
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Date: Sat, 10 Feb 2007 17:38:51 +0000
From: Elwyn Davies <elwynd@dial.pipex.com>
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Cc: Ted Hardie <hardie@qualcomm.com>, sanz@denic.de, IETF Discussion <ietf@ietf.org>, andy@hxr.us
Subject: [Gen-art] Gen-art review of draft-ietf-crisp-iris-dchk-06.txt
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I have been selected as the General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) reviewer for this draft (for background on Gen-ART, please see http://www.alvestrand.no/ietf/gen/art/gen-art-FAQ.html). Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments you may receive. Document: draft-ietf-crisp-iris-dchk-06.txt Reviewer: Elwyn Davies Review Date: 10 February 2007 IETF LC End Date: 21 February 2007 IESG Telechat date: (if known) - Summary: The document itself maybe nearly ready for IESG apart from a few editorial nits (see below). However there are a couple of issues with associated documents that might upset this situation. 1. The DCHK schema is allegedly a proper subset of DREG2 which is 'defined' in an expired draft (and this revision of RFC 3982 isn't mentioned in the crisp charter). So the wg needs to decide if DCHK is intended to work only with DREG2 or whether it can also work with DREG - and if so whether any backwards compatibility is needed. If the former the wg and authors need to ensure that DREG2 progresses (and that DCHK remains a subset of DREG2) or change DCHK to reference the existing DREG and ensure that it is a subset of DREG. 2. The crisp LWZ protocol which is referenced is the subject of a major DISCUSS in the IESG and has not progressed recently. The authors and wg also need to decide if the reference to LWZ is essential to the progress of this document - it could possibly be substituted by appropriate weasel words about using a 'lighter weight' protocol if one is defined. Caveat: I haven't checked the XML schema in detail or checked that it *really* is a subset of the DREG2 schema. Comments: Editorial ========= Abstract:Expand IRIS acronym. s1: Expand DREG2 acronym. s1. para 2:s/status of domain/status of domain names/ s1, last para: s/effecient/efficient/ s3: Probably good to use the expanded from of DCHK in the section title. s3.1.1: Caption of <domain> example display: it looks as if XML escapes didn't get substituted. I suspect that this may be to do with using XMLmind to edit the doc. XMLmind recognizes XML metacharacters and substitutes entities in attributes and text outside CDATA segments. So if you input < in (e.g) an attribute, the saved text will be &lt;. s3.1.1, several bullets: 'period at' doesn't make sense. I think you mean 'duration of grace period at' in each case. s3.1.1.1, <description> bullet: I think the 'must' should be a 'MUST'. _______________________________________________ Gen-art mailing list Gen-art@ietf.org https://www1.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/gen-art
- [Gen-art] Gen-art review of draft-ietf-crisp-iris… Elwyn Davies