[Gen-art] Gen-ART review of draft-ietf-pcp-dhcp-09

[Christer Holmberg <[e-mail]>]

I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at < http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>.

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Document:                              draft-ietf-pcp-dhcp-09.txt

Reviewer:                               Christer Holmberg

Review Date:                          22 March 2014

IETF LC End Date:                1 April 2014

IESG Telechat date:               N/A



Summary:                               The document is almost ready for publication. I do have a minor issue, and some editorial change suggestions, that the authors may want to address.

Major issues: -

Minor issues:



Q1_A:

The Abstract (and, later, also the Introduction) says: "The use of DHCPv4 or DHCPv6 depends on the PCP deployment scenario."

I think this is a little unclear. Would it be possible to add some extra text, describing in what type of scenarios the mechanism is applicable?



Nits/editorial comments:



Q2_1:

The Introduction says:

"This specification assumes a PCP server is reachable with one or multiple IP addresses.  As such, a list of IP addresses can be returned in the PCP server DHCP option."

Is that text needed? The document describes how DHCP can be used to return PCP server IP addresses. If there are no PCP servers, no IP addresses should be returned :)



Q3_1:

The Introduction says:

"This specification allows returning one or multiple instances of the PCP server DHCP option. This is used as a hint to guide the PCP client when determining whether to send PCP requests to one or multiple PCP servers.  For guidelines on how a PCP client can use multiple IP addresses and multiple PCP servers, see [I-D.ietf-pcp-server-selection]."

Is the 2nd sentence needed? Why not say:

"This specification allows returning one or multiple instances of the PCP server DHCP option. For guidelines on how a PCP client can use multiple IP addresses and multiple PCP servers, see [I-D.ietf-pcp-server-selection]."



Q4_2:

The Terminology says:

"DHCP client (or client)" and "DHCP server (or server)".

As the document describes two types of clients (DHCP clients and PCP clients) and two types of servers (DHCP servers and PCP servers) I think the draft text should always explicitly indicate which type of client/server is referred to. I.e. the text should never say "client" or "server", but always indicate whether it's DHCP or PCP. Most of my subsequent comments are related to that.



Q5_3_2:

In section 3.2, I suggest to change the section name to "DHCPv6 Client Behavior".



Q6_3_2:

In section 3.2, I suggest to say "To discover one or more PCP servers...".



Q7_3_2:

In section 3.2, I suggest to say "The DHCPv6 client MUST be prepared..."



Q8_3_2:

In section 3.2, please add a reference to "IPv4-mapped IPv6 address".



Q9_4_2:

See my comments, Q5, Q6, Q7 and Q8, but replace "DHCPv6" with "DHCPv4" :)



Regards,

Christer