[Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-p2psip-drr-10.txt (resent)
Francis Dupont <Francis.Dupont@fdupont.fr> Wed, 02 October 2013 11:15 UTC
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From: Francis Dupont <Francis.Dupont@fdupont.fr>
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Date: Wed, 02 Oct 2013 13:14:54 +0200
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Subject: [Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-p2psip-drr-10.txt (resent)
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I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at <http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>. Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments you may receive. Document: draft-ietf-p2psip-drr-10.txt Reviewer: Francis Dupont Review Date: 20130927 IETF LC End Date: 20130930 IESG Telechat date: unknown Summary: Almost Ready Major issues: None Minor issues: the title and the abstract must get an explicit expansion of the RELOAD acronym, e.g., the title shoud be: An extension to REsource LOcation And Discovery (RELOAD) protocol to support Direct Response Routing Nits/editorial comments: - proposed changes to the title and to the abstract (both page 1) - ToC page 2 and 10 page 13: Acknowledgements -> Acknowledgments - IMHO Authors' Addresses should be in the body so before the Appendix - 2 page 3 in Publicly Reachable: closed system -> closed network - 3.1.2 page 6 (in fact more for the RFC Editor): Figure 2 label should be in the same page than the figure itself (or with other words please avoid silly page breaks). - 3.2.1 page 6: the responding peer receives a response... if I am not fully lost it should be a request, not a response? - 5.1 page 8 (4 times): e.g. -> e.g., - 5.2 page 9: I trust you (and the WG) for the delays... - 8 page 13: drat -> draft (and IMHO document is far more appropriate as it will be published as an RFC before this draft :-). - 11.2 page 14: add a reference to RFC 6887 (and see below). - A.1 page 16: endpoint- independent -> endpoint-independent - A.1 page 16: even it doesn't provide a direct way of getting the external assigned address (but read 11.6) PCP [RFC 6887] must be added to UPnP-IGD and NAT-PMP. If you need some words, one can consider PCP as a far more complete version of NAT-PMP. BTW the "test address" comment applies too to PCP. Regards Francis.Dupont@fdupont.fr PS: my checker complains about standalone (-> stand-alone), inline (?, please ignore), publically (-> publicly?, this should be addressed, even by the RFC Editor, as it occurs many times), etc.
- [Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-p2psip-drr-10.txt … Francis Dupont
- Re: [Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-p2psip-drr-10.… Gonzalo Camarillo
- Re: [Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-p2psip-drr-10.… Jari Arkko