[Gen-art] Gen-art LC review of draft-ietf-manet-rfc6779bis-05

[Elwyn Davies <[e-mail]>]

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Document: draft-ietf-manet-rfc6779bis-05.txt
Reviewer: Elwyn Davies
Review Date: 2016/05/06
IETF LC End Date: 2016/05/16
IESG Telechat date: (if known) -

Summary: Ready with a couple of editorial nits.

Major issues: None

Minor issues: None

Nits/editorial comments:

The suggestions for the Abstract, s1 and s1.1 are intended to clarify 
the relationship to RFC 7466 in the introductory text (the later 
comments in the MIB itself are more than adequately clear about this!)
Abstract:
OLD:
    In particular, it
    describes objects for configuring parameters of the Neighborhood
    Discovery Protocol (NHDP) process on a router.
NEW:
    In particular, it
    describes objects for configuring parameters of the Neighborhood
    Discovery Protocol (NHDP) process on a router.  The extensions
    described in this document adds objects and values to support the
    NHDP optimisation described in RFC 7466.
END

s1:
OLD:
    In particular, it describes objects for configuring
    parameters of the Mobile Ad Hoc Network (MANET) Neighborhood
    Discovery Protocol (NHDP) [RFC6130] process on a router.
NEW:
    In particular, it describes objects for configuring
    parameters of the Mobile Ad Hoc Network (MANET) Neighborhood
    Discovery Protocol (NHDP) [RFC6130] process on a router.  The 
extensions
    described in this document adds objects and values to support the
    NHDP optimisation described in [RFC7466].
END
s1.1:
It might be worth adding a list of the changes since it is short and 
they are a bit buried:
I think they are:
  - Addition of objects nhdpIib2HopSetN2Lost and 
nhdpIfPerfCounterDiscontinuityTime.
  - Addition of extra value (notConsidered) to nhdp2HopNbrState.
  - Revised full compliance state.

s4:  We don't normally leave IPR statements in finished documents - 
Probably best to leave a RFC Editor instruction to delete the section 
before publication.

s7.3, para 2: The referent of 'this table' is not totally clear:
s/this table/the nhdpInterfaceTable/

s8, top of page 13 - DESCRIPTION below CONTACT INFO, last para:
OLD:
             This version of this MIB module is part of RFC 6779; see
             the RFC itself for full legal notices."
NEW:
             This version of this MIB module is part of RFC xxxx; see
             the RFC itself for full legal notices."

s10, para 1:  There are weasel words here:

> A fuller discussion of MANET network
>     management use cases and challenges will be provided elsewhere.
Has this now happened?  If so a reference would be desirable. Otherwise 
maybe
    A full discussion of MANET network
    management use cases and challenges is beyond the scope of this 
document..