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Re: [Gen-art] Genart last call review of draft-ietf-dnssd-prireq-04

Alissa Cooper <alissa@cooperw.in> Wed, 04 March 2020 14:38 UTC

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From: Alissa Cooper <alissa@cooperw.in>
In-Reply-To: <158109060108.11593.18381186607321338415@ietfa.amsl.com>
Date: Wed, 04 Mar 2020 09:38:13 -0500
Cc: General Area Review Team <gen-art@ietf.org>, draft-ietf-dnssd-prireq.all@ietf.org, last-call@ietf.org, dnssd@ietf.org
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To: Robert Sparks <rjsparks@nostrum.com>
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Subject: Re: [Gen-art] Genart last call review of draft-ietf-dnssd-prireq-04
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Robert, thanks for your review. Authors, I see that the changes have been applied — thanks. I entered a Yes ballot.

Alissa


> On Feb 7, 2020, at 10:50 AM, Robert Sparks via Datatracker <noreply@ietf.org> wrote:
> 
> Reviewer: Robert Sparks
> Review result: Ready with Nits
> 
> This is a combined genart and secdir last-call review.
> Please treat these comments just like any other last call comments.
> 
> Document: draft-ietf-dnssd-prireq-04
> Reviewer: Robert Sparks
> Review Date: 2020-02-07
> IETF LC End Date: 2020-02-12
> IESG Telechat date: Not scheduled for a telechat
> 
> Summary: Ready (but with nits) for publication as an Informational RFC
> 
> This document provides a set of high-level requirements for a DNS-SD
> privacy exptension, and discussion motivating those requirements.
> 
> Comment:
> It might be good to call out in the discussion that while it is intended
> to be thorough, it's not possible to be exhaustive.
> 
> Nits (editorial, in document order):
> 
> The last sentence of the first paragraph of the introduction is complex.
> Consider breaking it apart.
> 
> In the introduction at "When analyzing these scenarios in Section 3.2",
> did you mean Section 3.1?
> 
> In the first sentence of 3.2 at "the scenarios in Section 2", did you
> mean Section 3.1?
> 
> At the first sentence in 3.4.4, at "online" did you mean "on-link"?
> 
> The statement in the second paragraph of section 4 is perhaps too strong.
> Consider changing "will lead" to "are intended to lead".
> 
> The item numbering in sections 4.1 and 4.2 are messsed up.
> 
> The intent of the next to last paragraph in 4.1 and the last paragraph in 4.2
> could be made more clear. I suggest something like: "When listing and resolving
> services in current DNS-SD deployments".
> 
> 
> 
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