[Gen-art] Gen-ART review of draft-ietf-multimob-pmipv6-source-08
"Black, David" <david.black@emc.com> Fri, 21 March 2014 15:48 UTC
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From: "Black, David" <david.black@emc.com>
To: "schmidt@informatik.haw-hamburg.de" <schmidt@informatik.haw-hamburg.de>, "shgao@bjtu.edu.cn" <shgao@bjtu.edu.cn>, "hkzhang@bjtu.edu.cn" <hkzhang@bjtu.edu.cn>, "mw@link-lab.net" <mw@link-lab.net>, "General Area Review Team (gen-art@ietf.org)" <gen-art@ietf.org>
Date: Fri, 21 Mar 2014 11:48:04 -0400
Thread-Topic: Gen-ART review of draft-ietf-multimob-pmipv6-source-08
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Cc: "Brian Haberman (brian@innovationslab.net)" <brian@innovationslab.net>, "multimob@ietf.org" <multimob@ietf.org>, "ietf@ietf.org" <ietf@ietf.org>
Subject: [Gen-art] Gen-ART review of draft-ietf-multimob-pmipv6-source-08
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The -08 version of this draft addresses all of the nits noted in the Gen-ART review of the -07 version. The -08 version is ready for publication as an Experimental RFC. Thanks, --David > -----Original Message----- > From: Black, David > Sent: Sunday, February 16, 2014 10:23 PM > To: schmidt@informatik.haw-hamburg.de; shgao@bjtu.edu.cn; hkzhang@bjtu.edu.cn; > mw@link-lab.net; General Area Review Team (gen-art@ietf.org) > Cc: Black, David; multimob@ietf.org; Brian Haberman > (brian@innovationslab.net); ietf@ietf.org > Subject: Gen-ART review of draft-ietf-multimob-pmipv6-source-07 > > I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on > Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at > > <http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>. > > Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments > you may receive. > > Document: draft-ietf-multimob-pmipv6-source-07 > Reviewer: David L. Black > Review Date: Feb 16, 2014 > IETF LC End Date: Feb 24, 2014 > > Summary: This draft is basically ready for publication, but has nits that > should be fixed before publication. > > This draft describes multicast support for proxy mobile IPv6. It assumes > significant understanding of multicast and specifically the PIM-SM protocol. > > Nits/editorial comments: > > -- Introduction, 3rd paragraph > > Remove the word business from the following text, please: > > Such approaches (partially) follow > the business model of providing multicast data services in parallel > to PMIPv6 unicast routing [I-D.ietf-multimob-handover-optimization]. > > -- 4.3.1 > > The fact that PIM-SM has three phases could be made somewhat clearer here. > Suggestion: > > OLD > The granularity of mobility-related routing > locators required in PIM depends on the complexity (phases) of its > deployment. > > The following information is needed for all three phases of PIM as > defined in [RFC4601]. > NEW > The granularity of mobility-related routing > locators required in PIM depends on the complexity (specific phase) > of its deployment. > > For all three phases of PIM deployment (see [RFC4601]), the following > information is needed. > > Also, is "deployment" the right word to describe the phases? It implies > that not all of the phases need to be present in an implementation or > used, even if applicable. > > -- 4.3.2 - 4.3.4 > > I would also suggest including the names of the phases from RFC 4601 in > these section titles, e.g.: > > 4.3.2. Operations of PIM in Phase One (RP Tree) > > -- idnits > > idnits 2.13.01 found an unused reference and a couple of drafts that > have been updated: > > == Unused Reference: 'RFC2236' is defined on line 1047, but no explicit > reference was found in the text > > == Outdated reference: A later version (-02) exists of > draft-ietf-multimob-fmipv6-pfmipv6-multicast-01 > > == Outdated reference: A later version (-07) exists of > draft-ietf-multimob-handover-optimization-06 > > Thanks, > --David > ---------------------------------------------------- > David L. Black, Distinguished Engineer > EMC Corporation, 176 South St., Hopkinton, MA 01748 > +1 (508) 293-7953 FAX: +1 (508) 293-7786 > david.black@emc.com Mobile: +1 (978) 394-7754 > ---------------------------------------------------- >
- [Gen-art] Gen-ART review of draft-ietf-multimob-p… Black, David
- Re: [Gen-art] Gen-ART review of draft-ietf-multim… Jari Arkko