[Gen-art] GEN-ART review of draft-ietf-ntp-dhcpv6-ntp-opt

Sean Turner <turners@ieca.com> Tue, 11 August 2009 23:14 UTC

Return-Path: <turners@ieca.com>
X-Original-To: gen-art@core3.amsl.com
Delivered-To: gen-art@core3.amsl.com
Received: from localhost (localhost [127.0.0.1]) by core3.amsl.com (Postfix) with ESMTP id 529383A68F2 for <gen-art@core3.amsl.com>; Tue, 11 Aug 2009 16:14:45 -0700 (PDT)
X-Virus-Scanned: amavisd-new at amsl.com
X-Spam-Flag: NO
X-Spam-Score: -2.599
X-Spam-Level:
X-Spam-Status: No, score=-2.599 tagged_above=-999 required=5 tests=[BAYES_00=-2.599]
Received: from mail.ietf.org ([64.170.98.32]) by localhost (core3.amsl.com [127.0.0.1]) (amavisd-new, port 10024) with ESMTP id z8aQyrVMggHp for <gen-art@core3.amsl.com>; Tue, 11 Aug 2009 16:14:44 -0700 (PDT)
Received: from smtp107.biz.mail.re2.yahoo.com (smtp107.biz.mail.re2.yahoo.com [206.190.52.176]) by core3.amsl.com (Postfix) with SMTP id D0AA93A682D for <gen-art@ietf.org>; Tue, 11 Aug 2009 16:14:39 -0700 (PDT)
Received: (qmail 73592 invoked from network); 11 Aug 2009 23:06:23 -0000
Received: from unknown (HELO thunderfish.local) (turners@96.231.126.205 with plain) by smtp107.biz.mail.re2.yahoo.com with SMTP; 11 Aug 2009 23:06:23 -0000
X-Yahoo-SMTP: qPTWNAeswBAtDTSn9GKlmmL3C90ke7grn_5n9To-
X-YMail-OSG: lGnB6XQVM1kaU5KLVApnNjWUIbdQg8o3lIwuHKZ.I7CIscrM3JFETANC9ebDNCabyl6B1UNfmtF2DzYapbeN73723Dk1aG_azzNJhsqw2KtPi2k4yw2SoT6h_qEI.8FeAB4hgwjid5DsprayLmkStYTmWEMu.cbgw6S9Nn22RHJDbvdK0gSvCaND13JtIZHB5TJA2C2hCr3vdB4KEeKKYMbH9Hi_ptthB6tHDh6Hx4TEiYSjN3lB3kszsK9VDJKmwAvLur1wLQj5k00HDkX2duNbmfoyo.MYgKU5Y5iriCh3yw9N7iVIVub9ocVr45oIpzilo67VxbBZx2NlNLqr.SrdGPHxSImT2bb2sDVaTdfP
X-Yahoo-Newman-Property: ymail-3
Message-ID: <4A81F96E.8040200@ieca.com>
Date: Tue, 11 Aug 2009 19:06:22 -0400
From: Sean Turner <turners@ieca.com>
User-Agent: Thunderbird 2.0.0.22 (Macintosh/20090605)
MIME-Version: 1.0
To: General Area Review Team <gen-art@ietf.org>, draft-ietf-ntp-dhcpv6-ntp-opt.all@tools.ietf.org
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="ISO-8859-1"; format="flowed"
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit
Subject: [Gen-art] GEN-ART review of draft-ietf-ntp-dhcpv6-ntp-opt
X-BeenThere: gen-art@ietf.org
X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.9
Precedence: list
List-Id: "GEN-ART: General Area Review Team" <gen-art.ietf.org>
List-Unsubscribe: <https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/gen-art>, <mailto:gen-art-request@ietf.org?subject=unsubscribe>
List-Archive: <http://www.ietf.org/mail-archive/web/gen-art>
List-Post: <mailto:gen-art@ietf.org>
List-Help: <mailto:gen-art-request@ietf.org?subject=help>
List-Subscribe: <https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/gen-art>, <mailto:gen-art-request@ietf.org?subject=subscribe>
X-List-Received-Date: Tue, 11 Aug 2009 23:14:45 -0000

I have been selected as the General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) reviewer
for this draft (for background on Gen-ART, please see
http://www.alvestrand.no/ietf/gen/art/gen-art-FAQ.html).
Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments
you may receive.

Document: draft-ietf-ntp-dhcpv6-ntp-opt-04.txt
Reviewer: Sean Turner
Review Date: 2009-08-12
IETF LC End Date: 2009-08-17
IESG Telechat date: 2009-08-27

Summary: This draft is basically ready for publication, but has nits
that should be fixed before publication.

Comments:

I think an "obsoletes" document needs to include a section/appendix that
summarizes what changed.  It makes it much easier to figure out what
changed.

This is probably nitpicking but I prefer to have the introduction be the
1st paragraph (the RFC editor might require it).  I suggest making
Section 2 Section 1, Section 1 Section 2, Section 2.1 Section 3, and
renumbering of the Sections accordingly.

In section 4: r/To to enable/To enable