Gen-ART LC review for draft-ietf-l3vpn-end-system-04
"Peter Yee" <peter@akayla.com> Tue, 09 December 2014 08:08 UTC
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From: Peter Yee <peter@akayla.com>
To: draft-ietf-l3vpn-end-system.all@tools.ietf.org
Subject: Gen-ART LC review for draft-ietf-l3vpn-end-system-04
Date: Tue, 09 Dec 2014 00:08:41 -0800
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I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at <http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq> Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments you may receive. Document: draft-ietf-l3vpn-end-system-04 Reviewer: Peter Yee Review Date: Dec-8-2014 IETF LC End Date: Dec-8-2014 IESG Telechat date: TBD Summary: This draft is basically ready for publication as a Standards Track RFC, but has some nits that should be fixed before publication. [Ready with nits.] This draft documents a novel means of using XMPP to signal VPN route information between VPN Forwarders and End-System Route Servers for use with BGP IP VPNs. It discussed the requirements on each entity using the scheme. Major issues: Minor issues: Nits: General: Use a comma after i.e. and e.g. General: Data center doesn't require a hyphen. Neither does virtual machine. Wi-Fi does, however. Page 3, definition of End-System, 1st sentence: change "which" to "whose". Page 4, 4th paragraph, last sentence: replace "recur to" with "rely upon". Page 6, 3rd paragraph, 1st sentence: delete "then". Page 10, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: delete redundant "the". Page 10, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change "mac-" to "MAC ". Change "a IEEE" to "an IEEE". Page 11, figure: this figure needs a caption with a figure number. That will force an increment of all of the following figure numbers as well. Page 16, 1st paragraph after XML, last sentence: change "convinience" to "convenience". Page 16, 2nd paragraph, 3rd sentence: replace the period with a comma and change the following "Even" to lower case to join the following clause to the sentence. Page 17, 4th paragraph, 2nd sentence: replace "detemined" with "determined". Replace "an" with "a". Page 17, 5th paragraph, 2nd sentence: replace "mapps" with "maps". Page 18, Section 8, 4th paragraph, 1st sentence: change "a XMPP" to "an XMPP". Page 19, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change "attachement" to "attachment". Page 20, 1st full paragraph, 1st sentence: I'm not certain, but would inserting "the" before "host" help? Or how about a host number after "host"? Page 20, 7th paragraph, 2nd sentence: change "Assuming" to "Assume".
- Gen-ART LC review for draft-ietf-l3vpn-end-system… Peter Yee
- RE: Gen-ART LC review for draft-ietf-l3vpn-end-sy… Adrian Farrel