secdir review of draft-garcia-simple-presence-dictionary-06
Barry Leiba <leiba@watson.ibm.com> Tue, 09 October 2007 16:57 UTC
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Date: Tue, 09 Oct 2007 12:57:01 -0400
From: Barry Leiba <leiba@watson.ibm.com>
To: miguel.garcia@nsn.com, jon.peterson@neustar.biz
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Cc: secdir@mit.edu, iesg@ietf.org, ietf@ietf.org
Subject: secdir review of draft-garcia-simple-presence-dictionary-06
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I have reviewed this document as part of the security directorate's ongoing effort to review all IETF documents being processed by the IESG. These comments were written primarily for the benefit of the security area directors. Document editors and WG chairs should treat these comments just like any other last call comments. I have no issues with this document's content nor with its security considerations -- it all seems fine. A couple of editorial nits, though, while I'm here: Introduction, paragraph 2: "Typically, presence documents can contain large bulks of data." That sounds awkward. Either "large chunks of data" (if you mean discrete "bulks") or "a large amount of data" (if you just mean that there's a lot there) is better. At the top of page 6, "it is typically prepended by the '<' and '>' signs, such as in '<foo>'." That should be "surrounded by". Throughout, all instances of "is comprised of" should be either "comprises" or "is composed of". The word "comprises" means "is composed of", and that's the correct usage (though it's a *very* common error, even among most native English speakers). Barry -- Barry Leiba, STSM, Internet Messaging Technology (leiba@watson.ibm.com) http://www.research.ibm.com/people/l/leiba http://www.research.ibm.com/spam _______________________________________________ Ietf mailing list Ietf@ietf.org https://www1.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/ietf