Re: [MMUSIC] Review of draft-ietf-mmusic-4572-update-11
Christer Holmberg <christer.holmberg@ericsson.com> Wed, 25 January 2017 18:43 UTC
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From: Christer Holmberg <christer.holmberg@ericsson.com>
To: Elwyn Davies <elwynd@dial.pipex.com>, "gen-art@ietf.org" <gen-art@ietf.org>
Thread-Topic: Review of draft-ietf-mmusic-4572-update-11
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Date: Wed, 25 Jan 2017 18:43:16 +0000
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Subject: Re: [MMUSIC] Review of draft-ietf-mmusic-4572-update-11
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Hi Elwyn, >That's all fine. Re s4, para 2: First, i realised I missed another instance of 'new' in the abstract. >I think that 'the' is correct in the new [sic] version in both places. It's pernickety but when it was >'a new' what you have is shorthand for "a new protocol identifier to be called 'TCP/TLS'..." (an >addition to the existng list) whereas because the identifier is no longer new we now have "the protocol >identifier [named] 'TCP/TLS'...". My suggestion was to drop “new”, but to keep “a”: “a protocol identifier, 'TCP/TLS', which…” But, I’m fine using “the” :) Regards, Christer Sent from Samsung tablet. -------- Original message -------- From: Christer Holmberg <christer.holmberg@ericsson.com<mailto:christer.holmberg@ericsson.com>> Date: 25/01/2017 13:40 (GMT+00:00) To: Elwyn Davies <elwynd@dial.pipex.com<mailto:elwynd@dial.pipex.com>>, gen-art@ietf.org<mailto:gen-art@ietf.org> Cc: draft-ietf-mmusic-4572-update.all@ietf.org<mailto:draft-ietf-mmusic-4572-update.all@ietf.org>, ietf@ietf.org<mailto:ietf@ietf.org>, mmusic@ietf.org<mailto:mmusic@ietf.org> Subject: Re: Review of draft-ietf-mmusic-4572-update-11 Hi Elwyn, Thanks for your review! See inline. Nits/editorial comments: >s1, para 2: s/TLS protocol/The TLS protocol/ (as per RFC 4572) I will fix as suggested. >s4, para 2: s/a new protocol identifier/the protocol identifier/ (it >isn't new any more) I am happy to remove ³new², but doesn¹t ³a² still sound better than ³the²? >s5.1: Suggest s/m- line/"m" line/ for consistency with s3.4 I will replace with single quotes (Œm¹), for consistency with s3.4 and s4. >s5.1, para 1: s/e.g./e.g.,/ I will fix as suggested. >s5.1, para 4: s/that each used certificate matches/that each >certificate used matches/ I will fix as suggested. >s5.1, para 5: s/each used certificate matches/each certificate used >matches/ I will fix as suggested. >s8, para 5: ' This specification creates a new IANA registry named >"Hash Function Textual Names".' >The registry is no longer new. Perhaps s/creates a new IANA >registry/takes over the IANA registry from RFC 4572/ I suggest: "This specification takes over the IANA registry named "Hash Function Textual Names², that was created in RFC 4572. It will not be part of the SDP Parameters.² Regards, Christer
- [MMUSIC] Review of draft-ietf-mmusic-4572-update-… Elwyn Davies
- Re: [MMUSIC] Review of draft-ietf-mmusic-4572-upd… Christer Holmberg
- Re: [MMUSIC] Review of draft-ietf-mmusic-4572-upd… Elwyn Davies
- Re: [MMUSIC] Review of draft-ietf-mmusic-4572-upd… Christer Holmberg
- Re: [MMUSIC] [Gen-art] Review of draft-ietf-mmusi… Jari Arkko