[OPSAWG] Genart last call review of draft-ietf-opsawg-yang-vpn-service-pm-12

Elwyn Davies via Datatracker <noreply@ietf.org> Mon, 10 October 2022 11:53 UTC

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From: Elwyn Davies via Datatracker <noreply@ietf.org>
To: gen-art@ietf.org
Cc: draft-ietf-opsawg-yang-vpn-service-pm.all@ietf.org, last-call@ietf.org, opsawg@ietf.org
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Date: Mon, 10 Oct 2022 04:53:36 -0700
Archived-At: <https://mailarchive.ietf.org/arch/msg/opsawg/pvI61vt8iPIfLR9rBv9JRYppKfs>
Subject: [OPSAWG] Genart last call review of draft-ietf-opsawg-yang-vpn-service-pm-12

Reviewer: Elwyn Davies
Review result: Ready with Nits

I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area
Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed
by the IESG for the IETF Chair.  Please treat these comments just
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Document: draft-ietf-opsawg-yang-vpn-service-pm-12
Reviewer: Elwyn Davies
Review Date: 2022-10-10
IETF LC End Date: 2022-10-04
IESG Telechat date: Not scheduled for a telechat

Summary:  Ready with a few minor nits.  Apologies for the rather late delivery.

Major issues:

Minor issues:

s4.4:  The following text appears in the section on 'Percentile Parameters':

      Setting a percentile to
      0.00 indicates the client is not interested in receiving
      particular percentile.

Given the discussion of configurable items in Section 6 it would be helpful to
mention that these items and other items marked 'rw' and with names ending in
'?' can be configured rather than just saying 'Setting'.

Nits/editorial comments:

General: The document contains a lot of VPN terminology and network types using
acronyms such as CE, PE etc.   Some of these are defined in Sections 2/2.1 but
a pointer to a document that defines the VPN technology (such as RFC 4026)
would be helpful.

s1:  The abbreviations PE, CE and P are used here before their definitions in
s2.  I guess they had better be expanded on first use.

s2.1: The references for definitions of MPLS, OWAMP and TWAMP introduced in s3
would be usefully noted here.

s3, para 3: s/involved devices/devices involved/

s3.1, para 1: s/Some applications/Some applications,/

s4.1, para before Fig 4, sentence 1: s/VPN Network PM YANG module/the VPN
Network PM YANG module/

s5: There are 3 instances of 'into 0.0' in the percentile definitions of
augment "/nw:networks/nw:network/nt:link" that should be 'to 0.0'.

[OPSAWG] Genart last call review of draft-ietf-op… Elwyn Davies via Datatracker
Re: [OPSAWG] Genart last call review of draft-iet… Wubo (lana)
Re: [OPSAWG] [Gen-art] Genart last call review of… Lars Eggert