Re: [Rats] Lars Eggert's No Objection on draft-ietf-rats-architecture-21: (with COMMENT)

[Michael Richardson <[e-mail]>]

Lars Eggert via Datatracker <[e-mail]> wrote:
    > # GEN AD review of draft-ietf-rats-architecture-21

> CC @larseggert

Although I tried the ietf-comments script, it didn't work for me.
Also the references produced all seemed off in various ways.  Certainly the
paragraph numbers did not really line up.  Also many comments are too terse
for me to understand, and the context didn't work out.

I've uploaded your comments to:  https://github.com/ietf-rats-wg/architecture/issues/436
The fixes are at: https://github.com/ietf-rats-wg/architecture/pull/437

    > This document uses the RFC2119 keyword ['SHOULD'], but does not contain the
    > recommended RFC8174 boilerplate.

    > I don't think you need to add the boilerplate, simply rephrase the sentence
    > so it is more clear that you are in fact citing RFC4086 here?

We started with 2119 boilerplate.  I have reword to:
} When generating keys off-device in the factory or in the device the use of
} a Cryptographically Strong Sequence ({{?RFC4086, Section 6.2}}) needs consideration.

but I'm not sure I've weased out of SHOULD here.

    > ### Inclusive language

    > Found terminology that should be reviewed for inclusivity; see
    > https://www.rfc-editor.org/part2/#inclusive_language for background and more
    > guidance:

    > * Terms `native` and `natively`; alternatives might be `built-in`,
    > `fundamental`, `ingrained`, `intrinsic`, `original`

A review of "native extension" tells me that it's the correct term where used.

    > #### Section 2.6, paragraph 2
    > ```
    > uthenticator. Relying Party: Any web site, mobile application back-end, or s
    > ^^^^^^^^
    > ```
    > Nowadays, it's more common to write this as one word.

"this", being "back-end"... okay.

    > #### Section 3, paragraph 2
    > ```
    > em component, device is often used as a illustrative synonym throughout this
    > ^
    > ```
    > Use "an" instead of "a" if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g.
    > "an article", "an hour".

done.

    > #### Section 3, paragraph 4
    > ```
    > l messages shown in Figure 1. Section Section 4 provides a more complete def
    > ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    > ```
    > Possible typo: you repeated a word.

Kramdown did it!

    > #### Section 3.2, paragraph 4
    > ```
    > -entity can be called an Attester. Among all the Attesters, there may be onl
    > ^^^^^
    > ```
    > Do not mix variants of the same word ("among" and "amongst") within a single
    > text. (Also elsewhere.)

I don't get this comment.

    > #### Section 3.2, paragraph 5
    > ```
    > final Evidence to the Verifier. Therefore the router is a composite device,
    > ^^^^^^^^^
    > ```
    > A comma may be missing after the conjunctive/linking adverb "Therefore".

fixed.

    > #### Section 3.2, paragraph 6
    > ```
    > t that connects to the Verifier. Typically one router in the group is design
    > ^^^^^^^^^
    > ```
    > A comma may be missing after the conjunctive/linking adverb "Typically".

fixed.

    > #### Section 4.1, paragraph 9
    > ```
    > ation (e.g., birth certificate) is the the Evidence, the passport is an Attes
    > ^^^^^^^
    > ```
    > Possible typo: you repeated a word.

I can't see a repeated word.

    > #### Section 5.2, paragraph 7
    > ```
    > e Verifier is an expected one by out of band establishment of key material, c
    > ^^^^^^^^^^^
    > ```
    > Did you mean "out-of-band"?

okay.

    > #### Section 7.4, paragraph 1
    > ```
    > e 1 illustrates the flow of a conceptual messages between various roles. This
    > ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    > ```
    > The plural noun "messages" cannot be used with the article "a". Did you mean "a
    > conceptual message" or "conceptual messages"?

fixed.

    > #### Section 7.5, paragraph 1
    > ```
    > n Attester, which can include privacy sensitive information as discussed in s
    > ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    > ```
    > This word is normally spelled with a hyphen.

Which word?

    > #### Section 7.5, paragraph 2
    > ```
    > ve information as discussed in section Section 11. Unlike Evidence, which is
    > ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    > ```
    > Possible typo: you repeated a word.

fixed.

    > #### Section 9, paragraph 10
    > ```
    > new epoch, such as by using a counter signed by the Epoch ID Distributor as
    > ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    > ```
    > This word is normally spelled as one word.

no idea which word.

    > #### Section 9, paragraph 10
    > ```
    > essages that might be associated with a epoch ID that the receiver has not ye
    > ^
    > ```
    > Use "an" instead of "a" if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g.
    > "an article", "an hour".

fixed.

    > #### Section 9, paragraph 11
    > ```
    > ID approach minimizes the state kept to be independent of the number of Att
    > ^^^^^^^^^^
    > ```
    > The verb "kept" is used with the gerund form.

I think it reads fine.

    > #### Section 11, paragraph 7
    > ```
    > avoid attacks where an attacker is able get a key they control endorsed. To s
    > ^^^^^^^^
    > ```
    > The preposition "to" is required before the verb "get".

fixed.

    > #### Section 11, paragraph 8
    > ```
    > authentication, * auditing, * fine grained access controls, and * logging. S
    > ^^^^^^^^^^^^
    > ```
    > This word is normally spelled with a hyphen.

not sure which word.

    > #### Section 12.1.1, paragraph 1
    > ```
    > pants in a certain epoch of choice for ever, effectively freezing time. This
    > ^^^^^^^^
    > ```
    > The adverb "forever" is spelled as one word.

fixed.

    > ```
    > station Result contains an expiry time time(RX_v) then it could explicitly ch
    > ^^^^^^^^^
    > ```
    > Possible typo: you repeated a word.

nope.

    > #### Section 16.2, paragraph 20
    > ```
    > it to its own clock or timestamps. Thus we use a suffix ("a" for Attester, "
    > ^^^^
    > ```
    > A comma may be missing after the conjunctive/linking adverb "Thus".

fixed.

    > #### "Appendix A.", paragraph 3
    > ```
    > me(EG_a)-time(VG_a) < Threshold. Similarly if, based on an Attestation Resul
    > ^^^^^^^^^
    > ```
    > A comma may be missing after the conjunctive/linking adverb
    > "Similarly".

I think it's fine this way.

--
Michael Richardson <[e-mail]>, Sandelman Software Works
 -= IPv6 IoT consulting =-