[Raw] Shepherding review of draft-ietf-raw-technologies
CARLOS JESUS BERNARDOS CANO <cjbc@it.uc3m.es> Mon, 26 June 2023 14:26 UTC
Return-Path: <cjbc@it.uc3m.es>
X-Original-To: raw@ietfa.amsl.com
Delivered-To: raw@ietfa.amsl.com
Received: from localhost (localhost [127.0.0.1]) by ietfa.amsl.com (Postfix) with ESMTP id E3BFAC15106B for <raw@ietfa.amsl.com>; Mon, 26 Jun 2023 07:26:04 -0700 (PDT)
X-Virus-Scanned: amavisd-new at amsl.com
X-Spam-Flag: NO
X-Spam-Score: -6.996
X-Spam-Level:
X-Spam-Status: No, score=-6.996 tagged_above=-999 required=5 tests=[BAYES_00=-1.9, DKIM_SIGNED=0.1, DKIM_VALID=-0.1, DKIM_VALID_AU=-0.1, HTML_MESSAGE=0.001, RCVD_IN_DNSWL_HI=-5, RCVD_IN_ZEN_BLOCKED_OPENDNS=0.001, SPF_HELO_NONE=0.001, SPF_PASS=-0.001, URIBL_DBL_BLOCKED_OPENDNS=0.001, URIBL_ZEN_BLOCKED_OPENDNS=0.001] autolearn=ham autolearn_force=no
Authentication-Results: ietfa.amsl.com (amavisd-new); dkim=pass (2048-bit key) header.d=it.uc3m.es
Received: from mail.ietf.org ([50.223.129.194]) by localhost (ietfa.amsl.com [127.0.0.1]) (amavisd-new, port 10024) with ESMTP id G9IwJXc2SS1G for <raw@ietfa.amsl.com>; Mon, 26 Jun 2023 07:26:00 -0700 (PDT)
Received: from mail-lf1-x135.google.com (mail-lf1-x135.google.com [IPv6:2a00:1450:4864:20::135]) (using TLSv1.3 with cipher TLS_AES_128_GCM_SHA256 (128/128 bits) key-exchange X25519 server-signature RSA-PSS (2048 bits) server-digest SHA256) (No client certificate requested) by ietfa.amsl.com (Postfix) with ESMTPS id B9B82C15107A for <raw@ietf.org>; Mon, 26 Jun 2023 07:26:00 -0700 (PDT)
Received: by mail-lf1-x135.google.com with SMTP id 2adb3069b0e04-4f95bf5c493so4168744e87.3 for <raw@ietf.org>; Mon, 26 Jun 2023 07:26:00 -0700 (PDT)
DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=it.uc3m.es; s=google; t=1687789558; x=1690381558; h=cc:to:subject:message-id:date:from:mime-version:from:to:cc:subject :date:message-id:reply-to; bh=CJEiPKKKWtbA7kg2pzvO6OKGuFLJdkJn8ApTez8Lv7E=; b=i3kipyULdSF4d03Qbq4dp0uwl9q9Pg7+v0L9HtgIXHRBLFVoVjHaVvgju4RFIIgwKL VFZPRRM0cIg6lYENz9DpKCkq1O8EEmq0aeWznCzLdO/0TqsGeOSdW96goTxJMaw0mSVM 1nrwS69k4Haz9/d+HTRFuqrKM6uyZ+4ZCCLo++uwAud1yz4onR5Em8o1mSHImgnhR1rz BKEUyFxDRkxfhBFA7huBOVjyPur5jXHHMi6toP45DPibnphpQVTgj6oWtoybxlL7X8wH N+u5+onC9yNjF8aM5/weHiDxVbCC8UhUPLQZdsqwQXpan6+NszATQpVAixuaGN7KB4LP bXZQ==
X-Google-DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=1e100.net; s=20221208; t=1687789558; x=1690381558; h=cc:to:subject:message-id:date:from:mime-version:x-gm-message-state :from:to:cc:subject:date:message-id:reply-to; bh=CJEiPKKKWtbA7kg2pzvO6OKGuFLJdkJn8ApTez8Lv7E=; b=gkWx4341oXdguwMpU/t2gI73mtgIx4etOWeF1QE2lHHqwq+9kK/b4bE9+8gGtdZPsb 1gZGn1j1gL+pT6dumeK0C/fGeOvT76/jS3+pU9jIR90sxx8Qut95kY3eS2eWPkASwh0K A6/GzDtvbZddZLki/IQblXGYRca6dYd+CidF2uKYxOGI2KU5urR0OKMcOCUUwenrL/dX IHAQjgcRs5XOPZxCmT+A7ds9UVXtXzhPEJVhRW/rf/LiFadBWJIgB/jQ3x7YwN9/gYpG zQ9sCL7QBZk5e+6suYgprDYAZ30Gor/pfmiGgX4sm+DYkyp2Vc35SGL/G3tgJjhXj8jT o8uQ==
X-Gm-Message-State: AC+VfDwfFsJ3EyRX0u6dkM83H65rgtJwHq3/SPWJZEmsFYOhU/w4lbt+ 76/GXS8KiAqe3goAKp/iLQqMoUWGZh861GzPPcFMKIQgcKocl7J6shy9/zAv0GQ=
X-Google-Smtp-Source: ACHHUZ4bC6tFK4udpdGGWRC2Smj1mrAz30qSsZavuRRK9c/X2HfuSfwvmIciJTlyIRjo5wtykQq0B9qU4p/Vs4ppiYA=
X-Received: by 2002:a19:3844:0:b0:4f8:71bf:a25b with SMTP id d4-20020a193844000000b004f871bfa25bmr12224014lfj.9.1687789558146; Mon, 26 Jun 2023 07:25:58 -0700 (PDT)
MIME-Version: 1.0
From: CARLOS JESUS BERNARDOS CANO <cjbc@it.uc3m.es>
Date: Mon, 26 Jun 2023 16:25:42 +0200
Message-ID: <CALypLp9hyNLY3wzG5oVpD_A-OARKXFDOfYjM+dFNC9-KO77vXA@mail.gmail.com>
To: draft-ietf-raw-technologies@ietf.org
Cc: raw@ietf.org
Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="00000000000011f4af05ff09213c"
Archived-At: <https://mailarchive.ietf.org/arch/msg/raw/8n9UKZ-HwpOZW28j0G7UOBIo0H4>
Subject: [Raw] Shepherding review of draft-ietf-raw-technologies
X-BeenThere: raw@ietf.org
X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.39
Precedence: list
List-Id: reliable and available wireless <raw.ietf.org>
List-Unsubscribe: <https://www.ietf.org/mailman/options/raw>, <mailto:raw-request@ietf.org?subject=unsubscribe>
List-Archive: <https://mailarchive.ietf.org/arch/browse/raw/>
List-Post: <mailto:raw@ietf.org>
List-Help: <mailto:raw-request@ietf.org?subject=help>
List-Subscribe: <https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/raw>, <mailto:raw-request@ietf.org?subject=subscribe>
X-List-Received-Date: Mon, 26 Jun 2023 14:26:05 -0000
Dear authors, Please find below my review as part of my shepherding of the document. Huge apologies for the belated review. Thanks, Carlos Shepherd review of draft-ietf-raw-technologies-07 I find the document well written and quite detailed, probably too detailed sometimes. I think we should probably reduce the level of detail in some parts to what is really needed to understand the applicability of these technologies to DETNET/RAW. Some additional comments below. Abstract: “This document presents a series of recent technologies” —> I’d rewrite it to say that it identifies/describes a series of recent technologies and analyzes its applicability to deterministic flows, or something like that. 1. Introduction: “every packet reach” —> “every packet reaches” “network must highly” —> “network must be highly” “On the one hand the network” —> “On the one hand, the network” “time interval. .” —> “time interval.” Expand P2MP 2. Terminology “This specification” —> “This document” “Deterministic Flow Identifier (L2) :” —> “Deterministic Flow Identifier (L2):” Add reference regarding PCE. “PREOF :” —> “PREOF:” Expand MUMIMO. Check for consistency the definition of Track that has been discussed in the framework/architecture documents. 3.1 Scheduling for Reliability “the Precision Time Protocol” —> “the Precision Time Protocol (PTP)” “A typical process control loop will tolerate an occasional packet loss, but a loss of several packets in a row will cause an emergency stop (e.g., after 4 packets lost, within a period of 1 second” —> Add reference supporting this. 3.3 Benefits of Scheduling Expand IOW “a nd” —> “and” I miss some text introducing the technologies that are going to be explained in Sections 4-7. 4.1 Provenance and Documents “The main 802.11ax and 802.11be capabilities and their relevance to RAW are discussed in the remainder of this document.” —> it is not only those, also 802.11ad and 802.11ay. Besides, I think it should be explained why those from the previous list of amendments are described. 4.2.1 General Characteristics Expand AP. 4.2.2 Applicability to deterministic flows “in [Fang_2021].Nevertheless,” —> “in [Fang_2021].Nevertheless ,” 4.2.2.2. Scheduling for bounded latency and diversity Expand MCS 4.4.1 General Characteristics Remove space in “ .” at the end of each paragraph. 5.2.2.1. Centralized Path Computation Add caption to Figure 2. 5.2.2.2 6TiSCH Tracks “oveall” —> “overall” Overall, I find section 5 too long, especially comparing with section 4. I think it’d be useful to try to do an exercise of consistency across sections 4 to 7. 6.1. Provenance and Documents I’d remove the first sentence, as it does not really add much. 6.2. General Characteristics I think we don’t need to go into that much details and at least I’d remove the last paragraph on authentication. 6.4.1. System Architecture I know it is hard, but the text just mentions some of the core elements, while the figure 10 shows more. Maybe the text has to be a bit updated to mention this point. 6.4.5. Time-Sensitive Communications (TSC) The 2nd and 3rd paragraphs explain concepts that are useful/needed to understand points made earlier in the document. Therefore, I think it might be worth moving that piece of text before each of the different technologies are deep dived into. Shouldn’t the document mention something about ATSSS in the context of reliability and availability? 9. Security Considerations I find the current text a bit insufficient. Either we: (ii) clearly state that this document is purely informational on some technologies that could be applicable to RAW, each of which have their own security mechanisms in place; or (ii) we provide much more details. Sections 4 and 5 do not have a Summary subsection. -- CARLOS J. BERNARDOS https://www.it.uc3m.es/cjbc/ Universidad Carlos III de Madrid YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/CacharREDando/
- [Raw] Shepherding review of draft-ietf-raw-techno… CARLOS JESUS BERNARDOS CANO
- Re: [Raw] Shepherding review of draft-ietf-raw-te… Pascal Thubert (pthubert)
- Re: [Raw] Shepherding review of draft-ietf-raw-te… CARLOS JESUS BERNARDOS CANO