[Raw] Shepherding review of draft-ietf-raw-technologies

[CARLOS JESUS BERNARDOS CANO <[e-mail]>]

Dear authors,

Please find below my review as part of my shepherding of the document. Huge
apologies for the belated review.

Thanks,

Carlos

Shepherd review of draft-ietf-raw-technologies-07


I find the document well written and quite detailed, probably too detailed
sometimes. I think we should probably reduce the level of detail in some
parts to what is really needed to understand the applicability of these
technologies to DETNET/RAW. Some additional comments below.


Abstract:

“This document presents a series of recent technologies” —> I’d rewrite it
to say that it identifies/describes a series of recent technologies and
analyzes its applicability to deterministic flows, or something like that.


1. Introduction:

“every packet reach” —> “every packet reaches”

“network must highly” —> “network must be highly”

“On the one hand the network” —> “On the one hand, the network”

“time interval. .” —> “time interval.”

Expand P2MP


2. Terminology

“This specification” —> “This document”

“Deterministic Flow Identifier (L2) :” —> “Deterministic Flow Identifier
(L2):”

Add reference regarding PCE.

“PREOF :” —> “PREOF:”

Expand MUMIMO.

Check for consistency the definition of Track that has been discussed in
the framework/architecture documents.


3.1 Scheduling for Reliability

“the Precision Time Protocol” —> “the Precision Time Protocol (PTP)”

“A typical process control loop will tolerate an occasional

packet loss, but a loss of several packets in a row will cause an

emergency stop (e.g., after 4 packets lost, within a period of 1

second” —> Add reference supporting this.


3.3  Benefits of Scheduling

Expand IOW

“a nd” —> “and”


I miss some text introducing the technologies that are going to be
explained in Sections 4-7.


4.1  Provenance and Documents

“The main 802.11ax and 802.11be capabilities and their relevance to RAW are
discussed in the remainder of this document.” —> it is not only those, also
802.11ad and 802.11ay. Besides, I think it should be explained why those
from the previous list of amendments are described.


4.2.1 General Characteristics

Expand AP.


4.2.2 Applicability to deterministic flows

“in [Fang_2021].Nevertheless,” —> “in [Fang_2021].Nevertheless ,”


4.2.2.2. Scheduling for bounded latency and diversity

Expand MCS


4.4.1 General Characteristics

Remove space in “ .” at the end of each paragraph.


5.2.2.1.  Centralized Path Computation

Add caption to Figure 2.


5.2.2.2 6TiSCH Tracks

“oveall” —> “overall”


Overall, I find section 5 too long, especially comparing with section 4. I
think it’d be useful to try to do an exercise of consistency across
sections 4 to 7.


6.1.  Provenance and Documents

I’d remove the first sentence, as it does not really add much.


6.2. General Characteristics

I think we don’t need to go into that much details and at least I’d remove
the last paragraph on authentication.


6.4.1.  System Architecture

I know it is hard, but the text just mentions some of the core elements,
while the figure 10 shows more. Maybe the text has to be a bit updated to
mention this point.


6.4.5. Time-Sensitive Communications (TSC)

The 2nd and 3rd paragraphs explain concepts that are useful/needed to
understand points made earlier in the document. Therefore, I think it might
be worth moving that piece of text before each of the different
technologies are deep dived into.

Shouldn’t the document mention something about ATSSS in the context of
reliability and availability?


9. Security Considerations

I find the current text a bit insufficient. Either we: (ii) clearly state
that this document is purely informational on some technologies that could
be applicable to RAW, each of which have their own security mechanisms in
place; or (ii) we provide much more details.


Sections 4 and 5 do not have a Summary subsection.

-- 
CARLOS J. BERNARDOS https://www.it.uc3m.es/cjbc/
Universidad Carlos III de Madrid
YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/CacharREDando/