Re: [secdir] sec-dir review of draft-pechanec-pkcs11uri-16
Jan Pechanec <jan.pechanec@oracle.com> Tue, 30 December 2014 05:53 UTC
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Date: Mon, 29 Dec 2014 21:53:37 -0800
From: Jan Pechanec <jan.pechanec@oracle.com>
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To: Derek Atkins <derek@ihtfp.com>
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Cc: Darren.Moffat@oracle.com, iesg@ietf.org, secdir@ietf.org
Subject: Re: [secdir] sec-dir review of draft-pechanec-pkcs11uri-16
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On Fri, 26 Dec 2014, Derek Atkins wrote: >Hi, > >I have reviewed this document as part of the security directorate's >ongoing effort to review all IETF documents being processed by the >IESG. These comments were written with the intent of improving >security requirements and considerations in IETF drafts. Comments >not addressed in last call may be included in AD reviews during the >IESG review. Document editors and WG chairs should treat these >comments just like any other last call comments. > >I believe this document has no issues. dear Derek, thank you for your time to review the document. My comments are inline below. >Editorial comments: > >In section 1: > > A subset of existing PKCS#11 structure members and object attributes > was chosen believed to be sufficient in uniquely identifying a > PKCS#11 token, storage object, or library in a configuration file, on > ... > >This sentence is not just long but also awkward. The phrase "was I agree. I've simplified that in the following way: A subset of existing PKCS#11 structure members and object attributes was chosen to uniquely identify a PKCS#11 storage object, token, slot, or library in a configuration file, on a command line, or in a configuration property of something else. Should there be a need for a more complex information exchange on PKCS#11 entities a different means of data marshalling should be chosen accordingly. >chosen believed to be.." seems to be missing a conjunction and >possibly a verb. Maybe this was meant to be two sentences that got >smushed together? > > >In section 3.3: > > PKCS#11 specification imposes various limitations on the value of > attributes, be it a more restrictive character set for the "serial" > ... > >I think you need to start this sentence with an article, i.e. "The >PKCS#11 specification imposes..." I've fixed that, thank you. >(I'll note that I did not validate the ABNF). there was a bug there and the grammar in the latest working version of a new draft 17 was verified by: http://tools.ietf.org/tools/bap/abnf.cgi I've also attached the latest working version of draft 17. best regards, Jan. -- Jan Pechanec <jan.pechanec@oracle.com>
- [secdir] sec-dir review of draft-pechanec-pkcs11u… Derek Atkins
- Re: [secdir] sec-dir review of draft-pechanec-pkc… Jan Pechanec
- Re: [secdir] sec-dir review of draft-pechanec-pkc… Derek Atkins