[Secret] Lars Eggert's No Objection on charter-ietf-tigress-00-06: (with COMMENT)

Lars Eggert via Datatracker <noreply@ietf.org> Tue, 12 July 2022 21:14 UTC

MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="utf-8"
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit
From: Lars Eggert via Datatracker <noreply@ietf.org>
To: The IESG <iesg@ietf.org>
Cc: tigress-chairs@ietf.org, secret@ietf.org
Auto-Submitted: auto-generated
Precedence: bulk
Reply-To: Lars Eggert <lars@eggert.org>
Message-ID: <165766047060.6397.3325409261005924975@ietfa.amsl.com>
Date: Tue, 12 Jul 2022 14:14:30 -0700
Archived-At: <https://mailarchive.ietf.org/arch/msg/secret/EXDLCzZeYPiD8j2MkP0HbOuYO7c>
Subject: [Secret] Lars Eggert's No Objection on charter-ietf-tigress-00-06: (with COMMENT)

Lars Eggert has entered the following ballot position for
charter-ietf-tigress-00-06: No Objection

When responding, please keep the subject line intact and reply to all
email addresses included in the To and CC lines. (Feel free to cut this
introductory paragraph, however.)



The document, along with other ballot positions, can be found here:
https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/charter-ietf-tigress/



----------------------------------------------------------------------
COMMENT:
----------------------------------------------------------------------

# GEN AD review of charter-ietf-tigress-06

CC @larseggert

## Comments

### Paragraph 1
```
  The WG charter includes the definition and standardization of a protocol that
```
Since this *is* the WG charter, this text reads a bit odd.

### Paragraph 1
```
  Privacy goals include:
```
The text below talks about "share" when the text above talked about "transfer".
Suggest to align the terminology.

## Nits

All comments below are about very minor potential issues that you may choose to
address in some way - or ignore - as you see fit. Some were flagged by
automated tools (via https://github.com/larseggert/ietf-reviewtool), so there
will likely be some false positives. There is no need to let me know what you
did with these suggestions.

### Typos

#### Paragraph 5
```
- * Aside from potentially the IP address, the relay server should not learn the
+ * Aside from network-level metadata, the relay server should not learn
information about the ```

#### Paragraph 9
```
- * Ensure the sender has intent to share (proof of the fact that the share
+ * Ensure the sender has the intent to share (proof of the fact that the share
+                        ++++
```

### Grammar/style

#### Paragraph 0
```
nd or a family member. A private home owner may want to provide access to th
                                 ^^^^^^^^^^
```
This noun normally spelled as one word.

#### Paragraph 24
```
form the credential transfer in a secure manner. The protocol will use appro
                             ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
```
Consider replacing this phrase with the adverb "securely" to avoid wordiness.

## Notes

This review is in the ["IETF Comments" Markdown format][ICMF], You can use the
[`ietf-comments` tool][ICT] to automatically convert this review into
individual GitHub issues. Review generated by the [`ietf-reviewtool`][IRT].

[ICMF]: https://github.com/mnot/ietf-comments/blob/main/format.md
[ICT]: https://github.com/mnot/ietf-comments
[IRT]: https://github.com/larseggert/ietf-reviewtool

[Secret] Lars Eggert's No Objection on charter-ie… Lars Eggert via Datatracker
Re: [Secret] Lars Eggert's No Objection on charte… Roman Danyliw