[TICTOC]Intdir telechat review of draft-ietf-tictoc-ptp-enterprise-profile-26

[Tommy Pauly via Datatracker <[e-mail]>]

Reviewer: Tommy Pauly
Review result: Almost Ready

This is a review of draft-ietf-tictoc-ptp-enterprise-profile for INTDIR
(https://datatracker.ietf.org/group/intdir/about/)

Overall, the document does need an editorial pass for clarity, and
typos/grammar. Much of this can and should be done by the RFC editor, but it
did make it a bit difficult to read. I’ve included some obvious nits at the
bottom of this review, but a more thorough pass is needed.

The abstract refers to “an IPv4 or IPv6 Enterprise information system
environment”. However, I don’t see “Enterprise information system environment”
defined or referred to elsewhere. I would suggest either elaborating on this
term of art, or potentially simplifying it to “an IPv4 or IPv6 enterprise
network”.

The introduction (section 1) does not discuss enterprise networks at all, or
give context on what this document itself is about. It provides background,
which is fine as an introduction sub-section, but I would suggest that the
content of the “problem statement” section 4 be moved up to the start of the
introduction.

Beyond readability and clarity, I don’t see particular issues with regards to
the INTDIR review criteria; the handling of IPv4/IPv6, NAT, multicast, etc,
seem appropriate.

Nits:
Section 1
“in stead” -> “instead”

Section 6
typo on “aloted” -> “allotted”
“Ipv6” -> “IPv6”