draft-montemurro-gsma-imei-urn-03 editorials (resent)
Alfred Hönes <ah@tr-sys.de> Tue, 31 March 2009 19:36 UTC
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From: Alfred Hönes <ah@tr-sys.de>
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Subject: draft-montemurro-gsma-imei-urn-03 editorials (resent)
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Date: Tue, 31 Mar 2009 21:35:45 +0200
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[[ Resent after posting problems -- thanks Lisa for correcting these! ]] Note: In the meantime, the authors already have addressed the itemse below and the -04 draft version is on its way to the archive. Kind regards, Alfred. ----- Forwarded message ----- > From: Alfred Hönes <ah@WOTAN.TR-Sys.de> > To: mmontemurro@rim.com, aallen@rim.com, pgosden@gsm.org > Cc: urn-nid@ietf.org > Message-Id: <200903311430.QAA20573@TR-Sys.de> > Date: Tue, 31 Mar 2009 16:30:43 +0200 (MESZ) > Subject: draft-montemurro-gsma-imei-urn-03 editorials Hello authors, following up to your revised GSMA URN Namespace Internet-Draft, draft-montemurro-gsma-imei-urn-03, I found one potential ABNF issue and a couple of editorial flaws that should be addressed before publication of the memo as an RFC. Otherwise, that draft now looks reasonable for going ahead with the registration. (1) Abstract -- language/punctuation The 2nd sentence, [...]. The IMEI is 15 decimal digits long and the IMEISV is 16 decimal digits long and are both encoded using Binary Encoded Decimal (BCD). [...] should perhaps better be written as: [...]. The IMEI is 15 | decimal digits long and the IMEISV is 16 decimal digits long, and vvvvv ^ ^^^ | both are encoded using Binary Encoded Decimal (BCD). [...] (I.e., swap "are" and "both", and insert a comma after the 2nd "long".) (2) Section 3.1 -- ABNF flaw ?? In the 'Declaration of syntactic structure', the draft specifies: | urn:gsma:<gsma-specifier>:[<gsma-specifier-defined-string>]+ ^^ and the subsequent prose indicates that "... the colon can only occur as a delimiter between string values." Therefore, I strongly suspect that you might have wanted the colon to be repeated as a separator character between multiple <gsma-specifier-defined-string>s in future extensions of GSMA URNs, and hence the grammar should say: | urn:gsma:<gsma-specifier>[:<gsma-specifier-defined-string>]+ ^^ (3) Section 3.1 -- punctuation The 'Declaration of syntactic structure' contains two paragraphs introducing ABNF snippets, which are inconsistent in the punctuation used: a) The formal definition of the IMEI string representation is | provided by the following ABNF [7]. ^ b) The formal definition of the IMEISV string representation is | provided by the following ABNF [7] ^ I suggest that _both_ paragraphs be terminated with either a period or (IMHO better) a colon. Later on, the 'Identifier persistence considerations' clause contains a spurious comma, and missing white space aftre the end of a sentence. Please correct: As the NID sought is "gsma" and GSMA is the long standing acronym for the trade association that represents the mobile phone | operators the URN should also persist indefinitely, (at least as v ^^ | long as there is a need for its use).The assignment process guarantees that names are not reassigned. [...] --- As the NID sought is "gsma" and GSMA is the long standing acronym for the trade association that represents the mobile phone | operators the URN should also persist indefinitely (at least as vvv ^ | long as there is a need for its use). The assignment process guarantees that names are not reassigned. [...] (4) Section 4.1 -- wrong word yields mis-specification With regard to the figure (and the similar situation in Section 4.2), the 2nd sentence does not make sense. Please correct: The IMEI format is 15 decimal digits encoded in 8 octets using BCD as defined in 3GPP TS 24.008 [6]. The most significant digit is coded | in the least significant bits of octet 1. The least significant ^^^^^ digit is coded in the least significant bits of octet 8. --- The IMEI format is 15 decimal digits encoded in 8 octets using BCD as defined in 3GPP TS 24.008 [6]. The most significant digit is coded | in the most significant bits of octet 1. The least significant ^^^^ digit is coded in the least significant bits of octet 8. (5) Section 4.1.2 -- punctuation Please supply the missing trailing period. (6) Section 8 Oooops! I thought you wanted the IANA to register a new URN Namespace! So please add the operational instruction for the clerical IANA function: 8. IANA considerations The GSMA will maintain a registry of the permissible values for the elements comprising the NSS. Information may be obtained in [3]. --- 8. IANA considerations | In accordance wuth BCP 66 [1], IANA is asked to register the Formal | URN Namespace 'GSMA' in the Registry of URN Namespaces, using the | registration template presented in Section 3 of this document. | The GSMA will maintain a registry of the permissible values for the elements comprising the NSS. Information may be obtained in [3]. IMHO, the original, and now second, paragraph could be dropped because it is of no interest for IANA. (7) Section 9 -- punctuation and typo (7a) 1st paragraph I suggest to separate the two independent parts of that clause by a semicolon and add a comma afer "therefore" : IMEIs (with the Spare value set to zero) are displayable on most | Mobile Equipment therefore they must not be used as security capabilities (identifiers whose mere possession grants access), for example. --- IMEIs (with the Spare value set to zero) are displayable on most | Mobile Equipment; therefore, they must not be used as security ^ ^ capabilities (identifiers whose mere possession grants access), for example. (7b) 2nd paragraph Again, white space is missing after the end of a sentence. Please correct: s/trusted.Care/trusted. Care/ ^ ^^^ (7b) 3rd paragraph s/chnaged/changed/ ^^ ^^ (8) References THe ABNF Standard id used in a normative manner in Setcion 3.1. Therefore, Ref. [7] should be promoted to Normative ! Kind regards, Alfred Hönes. -- +------------------------+--------------------------------------------+ | TR-Sys Alfred Hoenes | Alfred Hoenes Dipl.-Math., Dipl.-Phys. | | Gerlinger Strasse 12 | Phone: (+49)7156/9635-0, Fax: -18 | | D-71254 Ditzingen | E-Mail: ah@TR-Sys.de | +------------------------+--------------------------------------------+ ----- End of forwarded message -----
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