Re: [6lo] [Last-Call] Genart last call review of draft-ietf-6lo-use-cases-12

[Carles Gomez Montenegro <[e-mail]>]

Hi Lars,

Many thanks for your review.

In your message below, you mention a "No Objection" ballot. However,
it appears (based on a subsequent email message we have received) that
the ballot entered has actually been "No Record".

Just in case: was this the intended ballot?

Thanks,

Carles (on behalf of the authors)

> Peter, thank you for your review. I have entered a No Objection ballot for this document.
>
> Lars
>
>
> > On Apr 6, 2022, at 09:33, Peter Yee via Datatracker <[e-mail]> wrote:
> >
> > Reviewer: Peter Yee
> > Review result: Ready with Issues
> >
> > I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area
> > Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed
> > by the IESG for the IETF Chair.  Please treat these comments just
> > like any other last call comments.
> >
> > For more information, please see the FAQ at
> >
> > <https://trac.ietf.org/trac/gen/wiki/GenArtfaq>.
> >
> > Document: draft-ietf-6lo-use-cases-12
> > Reviewer: Peter Yee
> > Review Date: 2022-04-05
> > IETF LC End Date: 2022-04-06
> > IESG Telechat date: Not scheduled for a telechat
> >
> > Summary: This informational document describes various networking technologies
> > that can be used in 6lo networks, their characteristics, and example use cases.
> > There some issues and nits that should be address prior to publication. [Ready
> > with issues]
> >
> > Major issues: None
> >
> > Minor issues:
> >
> > Page 7, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: “Internet” is not an application. And use
> > of the Internet does not imply a requirement for high data rates either. I’d
> > drop that so-called “application”.
> >
> > Page 7, 3rd paragraph, 3rd sentence: This is not a good reference. That is a
> > specification that makes the claim given in the sentence, but it is not
> > substantiated here or there. Furthermore, being based on the broken security in
> > IEEE 802.15.4 (ask Tero Kivinen) at the time of IEEE 1901.2’s publication is
> > probably not a selling point now. If IEEE 1902.2 supports layering over an IEEE
> > 802.15.4-2020 network possibly with IEEE 802.15.4y (aka Security Next
> > Generation, which added stronger crypto), then it might be worth mentioning.
> >
> > Page 7, 4th paragraph, last sentence: in regards to “frequencies”, I assume
> > that the 500 kHz is not in reference to the AC frequency but rather the
> > signaling frequency. It wasn’t completely clear in this context but may not be
> > worth addressing either.
> >
> > Page 8, Table 2: for security requirement, how does “high” security differ from
> > other security? These terms are a bit nebulous.
> >
> > Page 8, Table 2: for data rate, how does “small” compare to “infrequent”? I
> > don’t know how to rank these terms. I’m not sure “Data Rate” is the right row
> > header for the values given.
> >
> > Page 11, 1st bullet item, 4th sentence: instead of “different levels of
> > security”, consider using “other security mechanisms”. I have troubles
> > comparing the levels of “hardware-level security” and “certificates for initial
> > booting process”.
> >
> > Page 12, 12th bullet item: what does “energy friendliness” mean? Perhaps you
> > could use “low energy usage” if that’s what you are trying to convey?
> >
> > Page 16, section 5.3, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: I will point out that in the
> > home environment, these cordless telephone base stations are almost never
> > connected to a data network. Thus, it seems that pre-existing Fixed Parts
> > aren’t particularly valuable to this scenario. Use of DECT-ULE for 6lo use
> > cases will almost certainly require a Fixed Part that has a data network
> > connection.
> >
> > Page 18, section 5.5, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: I’m confused here. You just
> > mentioned wearable devices. Now you say that these devices are densely
> > installed at home. Which one is it? Or are these *other* devices that are
> > talking about in this sentence? If so, change “The” to “Other”.
> >
> > Page 18, section 5.5, 3rd paragraph, last sentence: why do the hackers have to
> > be hidden? LTE traffic can be heard for quite a distance. A listening hacker
> > wouldn’t have to be hidden. Where a hidden listener would be required would be
> > near an NFC connection because of the very short distances involved and the
> > difficulty with placing a listening device near enough to pick up the
> > emanations.
> >
> > Page 26, Appendix A: I don’t understand how these dimensions fit in with
> > section 3. Why aren’t they merged? These seem like additional considerations.
> > If they don’t belong in section 3, then how do they tie back to the rest of the
> > document?
> >
> > Page 27, 4th bullet item, 2nd sentence: a buffering mechanism isn’t strictly
> > required. Another option would be to tell the application to throttle its
> > generation of data, if appropriate to the application. Or compression of the
> > data might suffice.
> >
> > Page 27, 7th bullet item, 1st sentence: I would delete “6lo”. I would think
> > that time synchronization would be importance to the application making up the
> > use case, regardless of the use of 6lo. For the second sentence, I don’t
> > understand what “transferred with time synchronization” means. If it has been
> > recorded with “exact time”, then a timestamp presumably exists. Then it’s not
> > clear what time synchronization is required for.
> >
> > Page 27, 9th bullet item, last sentence: How do continuous and periodic work
> > together? The latter would seem to imply a discontinuity. It’s not clear what
> > this sentence means.
> >
> > Page 27, 10th bullet item: What are these “external operations”?
> >
> > Page 28, 1st bullet item: Are you implying that PLC and MS/TP devices don’t
> > require firmware updates because they aren’t “over the air”?
> >
> > Page 28, 2nd bullet item, last sentence: These aren’t necessarily
> > contradictory. You’ve already pointed out the PLC networks are easy to deploy
> > because of the existing power wires. And these devices are mains powered. Smart
> > grid meters, on the other hand, are mains powered but use a wireless connection
> > for easy and quick deployment. I’d probably delete this sentence or consider
> > rethinking it.
> >
> > Nits/editorial comments:
> >
> > General:
> >
> > For each use of “e.g.” (particularly) and “i.e.”, ensure that a comma follows.
> >
> > Drop all uses of “etc.”. In almost every case, it appears after something else
> > in the sentence that already was indicative of the incomplete nature of the
> > preceding list.
> >
> > Specific:
> >
> > Page 3, first (partial?) paragraph, 2nd sentence: Change “2016” to “2021” in
> > “IEEE Std 802.15.9-2016”. The 2016 specification was a Recommended Practice and
> > has been replaced by the 2021 version, which is a Standard. Insert “a” before
> > “multiplexing”.
> >
> > Page 3, first (partial?) paragraph, 5th sentence: append an “s” to
> > “specification”.
> >
> > Page 3, last bullet item: change “of” to “about”.
> >
> > Page 4, section 2.1, last sentence: delete “The”.
> >
> > Page 4, section 2.2, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert “The” before
> > “Bluetooth SIG”.
> >
> > Page 4, section 2.2, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: append an “s” after
> > “connection”.
> >
> > Page 4, section 2.2, 2nd paragraph, last sentence: change “is being” to “has
> > been”, considering that RFC 9159 has been published.
> >
> > Page 5, section 2.3, 1st paragraph: change “low power” to “low-power”. Change
> > “circuit switched” to “circuit-switched”. Change “packet mode” to “packet-mode”.
> >
> > Page 5, section 2.3, 3rd paragraph, 3rd sentence: insert “and” before security.
> >
> > Page 5, section 2.3, 5th paragraph, 2nd sentence: append a comma to “However”.
> >
> > Page 6, section 2.5, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert a hyphen between
> > “consumer” and “level”.
> >
> > Page 6, section 2.6, 2nd paragraph: move “below” after “table”.
> >
> > Page 7, Table 1: insert a space into the IEEE specification names (e.g.,
> > IEEE1901 -> IEEE 1901).
> >
> > Page 7, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: insert “it” before “is”. Before the word
> > “effective”, considering inserting “only” or “also” depending on what makes
> > sense in the context of the “but”.
> >
> > Page 7, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: append an “s” after “rate”. Delete the
> > colon. Make “Audio” and “Gaming” lower case.
> >
> > Page 7, 2nd paragraph, 3rd sentence: insert “IEEE 1901” at the beginning of the
> > sentence unless all broadband networks operate on OFDM. If that’s the case,
> > then delete the sentence entirely.
> >
> > Page 7, 3rd paragraph, 1st sentence: change “less” to “a lower”.
> >
> > Page 7, 3rd paragraph, 2nd sentence: delete the colon. Rewrite the applications
> > in lower case. Insert “and” before “smart grid”.
> >
> > Page 7, 3rd paragraph, 3rd sentence: delete “standard”.
> >
> > Page 8, section 2.7, 1st sentence: insert “the” before “above”. Change
> > “clauses” to “subsections”. IETF doesn’t use the term clause like IEEE does.
> >
> > Page 8, section 2.7, 2nd sentence: insert “the” before “dominant”.
> >
> > Page 9, section 3, title: insert “an” before “IPv6”.
> >
> > Page 9, section 3, 1st paragraph, last sentence: insert “the” before “6LoWPAN”.
> >
> > Page 9, 1st bullet item, 1st sentence: insert “the” before “Addressing” and
> > make “Addressing” lower case. Append a comma after “addresses”.
> >
> > Page 9, 1st bullet item, last sentence: insert “for” before “when”. Append a
> > comma to “broadcast”. Delete “and”. Change “try” to “trying”.
> >
> > Page 9, 2nd bullet item, 3rd sentence: change “most” to “greatest”. Change
> > “optimum” to “optimal”.
> >
> > Page 9, 2nd bullet item, 4th sentence: insert “and” between “[RFC8163]” and
> > “[RFC8105]”.
> >
> > Page 10, 3rd bullet item, last sentence: append “RFC” after “latter” to make it
> > clear what is the latter.
> >
> > Page 11, 1st partial paragraph, 1st partial sentence: insert “and” between
> > “[RFC8163],” and “[RFC8105]”.
> >
> > Page 11, 1st partial paragraph, 1st full sentence: change “to” to “also”.
> > Change “compress” to “compressing”. Delete the “also” following that. Put a
> > period at the end of the sentence.
> >
> > Page 11, 1st bullet item, 4th sentence: insert “The” before “6lo”. Change “is
> > working” to “has worked”. Change “at” to “in the”.
> >
> > Page 11, 1st bullet item, 4th sentence: insert “the” before “initial”.
> >
> > Page 11, 2nd bullet item, 2nd sentence: insert “the” before “ESC”.
> >
> > Page 11, section 4.1, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: delete “the”. Delete
> > “standard”.
> >
> > Page 11, section 4.1, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: insert “mains-“ before
> > “powered”. Both types of devices are powered. You could also use “grid-“, I
> > guess, since “mains” is more of a British usage.
> >
> > Page 11, section 4.1, bullet list: don’t capitalize the items in the bullet
> > list beyond the first word except where those are well-known terms that require
> > the capitalization. Even AMI doesn’t appear to be consistently used with
> > capitalization.
> >
> > Page 12, 6th bullet item: append a comma after “Conditioning”.
> >
> > Page 12, 8th bullet item: change “IEEE802” to “IEEE P802” or “IEEE 802”. The
> > “P” standards for project. Insert “and” before “ETSI”.
> >
> > Page 12, 14th bullet item: change “long term” to “long-term”.
> >
> > Page 12, last paragraph: expand the use of “FAN”. I presume it is “Field Area
> > Networks”.
> >
> > Page 13, section 4.3, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change the hyphen in
> > “highly-reliable” to a space.
> >
> > Page 13, section 4.3, 1st paragraph, 4th sentence: delete an extraneous space
> > after appending the previously noted comma after “e.g.”.
> >
> > Page 13, section 4.3, bullet list: Use lower case after the first word in each
> > item.
> >
> > Page 14, section 4.4, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: insert “the” before
> > “HomePlug”. Change “long distance” to “long-distance”.
> >
> > Page 15, 1st paragraph: insert “The” before “Netricity”. Delete “PLC standard”.
> >
> > Page 15, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert “an” before “IPv6”.
> >
> > Page 15, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: expand the acronym “MRHOF”. Change “the
> > own” to “their own”.
> >
> > Page 15, section 5.1, 2nd paragraph: change “Variety” to “A variety”. Append a
> > comma after “curtains”.
> >
> > Page 16, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: change “specially” to “especially”.
> >
> > Page 16, section 5.2, 1st paragraph, last sentence: append a comma following
> > “wellness”.
> >
> > Page 16, last paragraph, last sentence: change “the” to “this”.
> >
> > Page 17, section 5.3, 3rd sentence: change “specially” to “especially”. Insert
> > “and” before “healthcare”.
> >
> > Page 17, section 5.4, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: append a comma after “open”.
> >
> > Page 17, section 5.4, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: insert a hyphen between
> > “low” and “cost”. Then append a comma after “low-cost”. Delete the hyphen in
> > “inter-connect”.
> >
> > Page 17, section 5.4, 1st paragraph, last sentence: change “high speed” to
> > “high-speed”.
> >
> > Page 18, 1st paragraph, last sentence: append a comma after “home-run”. Change
> > “Cat-5 style” to “Cat 5-style”
> >
> > Page 18, 3rd paragraph, last sentence: change “low cost” to “low-cost”.
> >
> > Page 18, section 5.5, 2nd paragraph, 4th sentence: change “LCDs” to “displays”
> > so that there isn’t an unnecessary constraint on the display technology in the
> > example.
> >
> > Page 19, section 5.6, 2nd paragraph, last sentence: make the list of items
> > following “area of” lower case. Append a comma after “management”.
> >
> > Page 19, section 5.6, 3rd paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert “a” before “WAN”.
> > Append a comma following “Ethernet”.
> >
> > Page 19, section 5.6, 4th paragraph, 1st sentence: insert “and” between “labor”
> > and “operational”.
> >
> > Page 19, section 5.6, 4th paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “charge” to
> > “charging”. Append a comma after “theft”