Re: [auth48] AUTH48: RFC-to-be 9464 <draft-ietf-ipsecme-add-ike-14> for your review

[[e-mail]]

Hi Valery, all,

Good catch. Actually, I see that we have to fix other parts of Figures 1/4. Apologies for not noticing that earlier.

Figure 1 should be updated as follows:

NEW:
                        1                   2                   3
    0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1
   +-+-----------------------------+-------------------------------+
   |R|         Attribute Type      |            Length             |
   +-+-----------------------------+---------------+---------------+
   |       Service Priority        | Num Addresses |  ADN Length   |
   +-------------------------------+---------------+---------------+
   ~                        IP Address(es)                         ~
   +---------------------------------------------------------------+
   ~                  Authentication Domain Name                   ~
   +---------------------------------------------------------------+
   ~                 Service Parameters (SvcParams)                ~
   +---------------------------------------------------------------+

Figure 4 should be updated as follows:

NEW:
                        1                   2                   3
    0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1
   +-+-----------------------------+-------------------------------+
   |R|         Attribute Type      |            Length             |
   +-+-------------+---------------+-------------------------------+
   | Num Hash Algs |  ADN Length   |                               |
   +---------------+---------------+                               +
   ~                Authentication Domain Name                     ~
   +-------------------------------+-------------------------------+
   | Hash Algorithm Identifier     |                               ~
   +-------------------------------+                               +
   ~                     Certificate Digest                        ~
   +---------------------------------------------------------------+

Thank you.

Cheers,
Med

> -----Message d'origine-----
> De : Valery Smyslov <[e-mail]>
> Envoyé : jeudi 14 septembre 2023 14:17
> À : BOUCADAIR Mohamed INNOV/NET <[e-mail]>; rfc-
> [e-mail]; [e-mail]; [e-mail]
> Cc : [e-mail]; [e-mail]; [e-mail];
> [e-mail]; [e-mail]
> Objet : RE: AUTH48: RFC-to-be 9464 <draft-ietf-ipsecme-add-ike-14> for
> your review
>
> Hi Lynne, Med, all,
>
> I agree with the resolutions proposed by Med.
>
> I have one minor comment.
>
> Upper part of Figure 4:
>
> CURRENT:
>                         1                   2                   3
>     0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1
>    +-+-----------------------------+-------------------------------+
>    |R|         Attribute Type      |            Length             |
>    +-+-----------------------------+---------------+---------------+
> ...
>
> NEW:
>                         1                   2                   3
>     0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1
>    +-+-----------------------------+-------------------------------+
>    |R|         Attribute Type      |            Length             |
>    +-+-----------------------------+-------------------------------+
> ...
>
> (erroneous '+' instead of '-').
>
> Regards,
> Valery.
>
>
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: [e-mail]
> > [mailto:[e-mail]]
> > Sent: Tuesday, September 12, 2023 11:53 AM
> > To: [e-mail]; [e-mail];
> > [e-mail]; [e-mail]
> > Cc: [e-mail]; [e-mail]; [e-mail];
> > [e-mail]; auth48archive@rfc- editor.org
> > Subject: [***SPAM***] RE: AUTH48: RFC-to-be 9464
> > <draft-ietf-ipsecme-add-ike-14> for your review
> >
> > Dear RFC Editor,
> >
> > Please see inline.
> >
> > I let my co-authors further comment as appropriate.
> >
> > Cheers,
> > Med
> >
> > > -----Message d'origine-----
> > > De : [e-mail] <[e-mail]>
> Envoyé :
> > > samedi 9 septembre 2023 05:00 À : BOUCADAIR Mohamed INNOV/NET
> > > <[e-mail]>; [e-mail];
> > > [e-mail]; [e-mail] Cc :
> > > [e-mail]; [e-mail]; ipsecme-
> > > [e-mail]; [e-mail]; [e-mail]; auth48archive@rfc-
> > > editor.org Objet : Re: AUTH48: RFC-to-be 9464
> > > <draft-ietf-ipsecme-add-ike-14> for your review
> > >
> > > Authors,
> > >
> > > While reviewing this document during AUTH48, please resolve (as
> > > necessary) the following questions, which are also in the XML
> file.
> > >
> > > 1) <!-- [rfced] Section 2:  We had trouble following this
> paragraph;
> > > "but could be located outside of it" followed by "the latter
> option
> > > becomes plausible" is a bit confusing.  If the suggested text
> > > doesn't adequately clarify things, would you like to provide
> > > alternative text that does?
> > >
> > > Original:
> > >  For many years, typical designs have often considered that the
> DNS
> > > resolver was usually located inside the protected domain, but
> could
> > > be located outside of it.  With encrypted DNS, the latter option
> > > becomes plausible.  Note that existing VPN client implementations
> > > might not expect that the discovered DNS resolver IP addresses to
> be
> > > outside of the covered IP address ranges of the VPN tunnel.
> > >
> > > Suggested:
> > >  For many years, typical designs have often assumed that the DNS
> > > resolver was usually located inside the protected domain, but they
> > > don't consider implementations where the DNS resolver could be
> > > located outside of it.  With encrypted DNS, managing the latter
> > > scenario becomes plausible.  Note that existing VPN client
> > > implementations might not expect the discovered DNS resolver IP
> > > addresses to be outside of the covered IP address ranges of the
> VPN
> > > tunnel. -->
> > >
> >
> > [Med] OK with "s/managing/implementing" or "s/managing/deploying".
> >
> > >
> > > 2) <!-- [rfced] Section 3.1:  Please clarify the meaning of "to
> > > configure ... to an initiator".
> > >
> > > Original:
> > >  The ENCDNS_IP* IKEv2 Configuration Payload Attribute Types,
> > >  ENCDNS_IP4 and ENCDNS_IP6, are used to configure encrypted DNS
> > > resolvers to an initiator. -->
> > >
> >
> > [Med] What about?
> >
> > NEW:
> >    The ENCDNS_IP* IKEv2 Configuration Payload Attribute Types,
> >    ENCDNS_IP4 and ENCDNS_IP6, are used to configure an initiator
> >    with encrypted DNS resolvers.
> >
> > >
> > > 3) <!-- [rfced] Please review each artwork element.  Should any of
> > > them be tagged as sourcecode?  If the current list of preferred
> > > values for "type"
> > > (https://eur03.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%252
> > > Fwww.rfc-editor.org%2Fmaterials%2Fsourcecode-
> > > types.txt&data=05%7C01%7Cmohamed.boucadair%40orange.com%7Cb2a1f0de
> > > e85244493d1908dbb0e0e24c%7C90c7a20af34b40bfbc48b9253b6f5d20%7C0%7C
> > > 0%7C638298252306689579%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLjAwMDA
> > > iLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C3000%7C%7C%7C&sd
> > > ata=owrKC%2BaVwCKIaYUrlgQ%2FjOWPPgMyIDNDCh9P6A3ynOI%3D&reserved=0)
> > > does not contain an applicable type, please let us know.  Also, it
> > > is acceptable to leave the "type" attribute not set. -->
> > >
> >
> > [Med] We can leave this not set.
> >
> > >
> > > 4) <!-- [rfced] Figure 1:  We corrected the field-name mismatch
> per
> > > "IP Address(es) (variable) - Includes one or more IP addresses" as
> > > listed in the descriptions below.  Please let us know any
> > > objections.
> > >
> > > Original:
> > >  ~                         IP Addresses                          ~
> > >
> > > Currently:
> > >  ~                        IP Address(es)                         ~
> > > -->
> > >
> >
> > [Med] OK.
> >
> > >
> > > 5) <!-- [rfced] Section 3.1:  The use of "attribute" versus
> > > "attributes"
> > > was confusing here.  We updated the figure title and the next
> > > sentence as follows.  If this is incorrect, please provide a clear
> > > figure title and following text.
> > >
> > > Original:
> > >                       Figure 1: Attributes Format
> > >
> > >  The description of the fields of the attribute shown in Figure 1
> is
> > > as follows:
> > >
> > > Currently:
> > >      Figure 1: Format of ENCDNS_IP4 and ENCDNS_IP6 Attribute Types
> > >
> > >  The descriptions of the fields shown in Figure 1 are as follows:
> > > -->
> >
> > [Med] I suggest to update as follows:
> >
> > NEW:
> >       Figure 1: Format of ENCDNS_IP4 and ENCDNS_IP6 Configuration
> > Attributes
> >
> > >
> > >
> > > 6) <!-- [rfced] Sections 3.1 and 3.2:  Should these three
> instances
> > > of "Configuration Attribute Type" be "Configuration Payload
> > > Attribute Type"?
> >
> > [Med] We can maintain the original text as that is aligned with the
> > usage in
> https://data/
> tracker.ietf.org%2Fdoc%2Fhtml%2Frfc7296%23section-
> 3.15.1&data=05%7C01%7Cmohamed.boucadair%40orange.com%7C304af25ac818451
> 1d4d808dbb51d5c8b%7C90c7a20af34b40bfbc48b9253b6f5d20%7C0%7C0%7C6383029
> 09932067442%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLjAwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMz
> IiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C3000%7C%7C%7C&sdata=Mz5iBJN9cGtEzIN
> aNPCaefN0kKPs7061%2FTKTjW2d%2BDU%3D&reserved=0.
> >
> > >
> > > Original:
> > >  *  Attribute Type (15 bits) - Identifier for Configuration
> > > Attribute
> > >     Type.  This is set to TBA1 for ENCDNS_IP4 or TBA2 for
> > > ENCDNS_IP6,
> > >     as registered in Section 8.
> > > ...
> > >  *  Attribute Type (15 bits) - Identifier for Configuration
> > > Attribute
> > >     Type; is set to TBA3 value listed in Section 8.
> > > ...
> > >  *  Attribute Type (15 bits) - Identifier for Configuration
> > > Attribute
> > >     Type; is set to TBA3 value listed in Section 8. -->
> > >
> > >
> > > 7) <!-- [rfced] Section 3.1:  It looks odd to have 'Length of the
> > > ADN'
> > > but no quotes around Length of SvcParams.  May we update as
> > > suggested?
> > >
> > > Original:
> > >  -  (4 + 'Length of the ADN' + N * 4 + Length of SvcParams) for
> ...
> > >  -  (4 + 'Length of the ADN' + N * 16 + Length of SvcParams) for
> > >
> > > Suggested:
> > >  *  (4 + 'Length of the ADN' + N * 4 + 'Length of SvcParams') for
> > > ...
> > >  *  (4 + 'Length of the ADN' + N * 16 + 'Length of SvcParams') for
> > > -->
> > >
> >
> > [Med] The suggested text is OK.
> >
> > >
> > > 8) <!-- [rfced] Figure 2:  We found it confusing that the
> > > description for the "Certificate Digest" field only appears after
> > > Figure 4.
> > > Will readers readily find the field description, or should some
> > > clarifying text be added?
> > >
> >
> > [Med] I don't think a change is needed here.
> >
> > > Original:
> > >  Some of the fields shown in Figure 2 can be omitted as further
> > > detailed below.
> > >
> > > Possibly:
> > >  Some of the fields shown in Figure 2 can be omitted, as further
> > > detailed below.  Descriptions for the "Authentication Domain Name"
> > >  and "Certificate Digest" fields are provided below Figure 4. -->
> > >
> > >
> > > 9) <!-- [rfced] Section 4:  Per Section 6.2 of RFC 8310 ("Section
> > > 8
> > > discusses these mechanisms ..."), should "the mechanism" be "the
> > > mechanisms" here, or should one mechanism in particular from
> Section
> > > 8 of RFC 8310 be cited here?
> > >
> >
> > [Med] OK to update to "mechanisms".
> >
> > > Original:
> > >  The DNS client establishes an encrypted DNS session (e.g., DoT,
> > > DoH,
> > >  DoQ) with the address(es) conveyed in ENCDNS_IP* and uses the
> > > mechanism discussed in Section 8 of [RFC8310] to authenticate the
> > > DNS  resolver certificate using the authentication domain name
> > > conveyed in  ENCDNS_IP*. -->
> > >
> > >
> > > 10) <!-- [rfced] Section 4:  Please confirm that "PKIX-EE(1) with
> > > selector SPKI(1)" is correct.  We could only find "DANE-EE(3) and
> > > selector SPKI(1)" and "DANE-EE(3) with selector SPKI(1)" in RFC
> > > 7671.
> > >
> >
> > [Med] Yes, please see 5.3 of RFC7671.
> >
> > > Original:
> > >  This approach is
> > >  similar to certificate usage PKIX-EE(1) with selector SPKI(1)
> > > defined
> > >  in [RFC7671] but without PKIX validation. -->
> > >
> > >
> > > 11) <!-- [rfced] Section 4:  The first sentence in the "Note:"
> > > paragraph
> > > did not parse.  We updated it as noted below.  Please let us know
> > > any objections.
> > >
> > > Also, please review whether the "Note:" paragraph should be in the
> > > <aside> element.  It is defined as "a container for content that
> > > is
> > > semantically less important or tangential to the content that
> > > surrounds it"
> > > (https://eur03.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%252
> > > Fauthors.ietf.org%2Fen%2Frfcxml-
> > > vocabulary%23aside&data=05%7C01%7Cmohamed.boucadair%40orange.com%7
> > > Cb2a1f0dee85244493d1908dbb0e0e24c%7C90c7a20af34b40bfbc48b9253b6f5d
> > > 20%7C0%7C0%7C638298252306689579%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC
> > > 4wLjAwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C3000%7C
> > > %7C%7C&sdata=I7PImckstjLTTo5K5l1VC8TFPxvqIThfb2C%2BxZ2gDTE%3D&rese
> > > rved=0).
> > >
> >
> > [Med] The use of <aside> element is not justified here. Please
> maintain the original format.
> >
> > > Original:
> > >  Note: [RFC8598] requires INTERNAL_IP6_DNS (or INTERNAL_IP4_DNS)
> > >  attribute to be mandatory present when INTERNAL_DNS_DOMAIN is
> > >  included.  This specification relaxes that constraint in the
> > >  presence of ENCDNS_IP* attributes.  That is, if ENCDNS_IP*
> > >  attributes are supplied, it is allowed for responders to include
> > >  INTERNAL_DNS_DOMAIN even in the absence of INTERNAL_IP6_DNS (or
> > >  INTERNAL_IP4_DNS) attributes.
> > >
> > > Currently:
> > >  Note: [RFC8598] requires that the INTERNAL_IP6_DNS (or
> > >  INTERNAL_IP4_DNS) attribute be present when INTERNAL_DNS_DOMAIN
> > > is
> > >  included.  This specification relaxes that constraint in the
> > >  presence of ENCDNS_IP* attributes.  That is, if ENCDNS_IP*
> > >  attributes are supplied, responders are allowed to include
> > >  INTERNAL_DNS_DOMAIN even in the absence of INTERNAL_IP6_DNS (or
> > >  INTERNAL_IP4_DNS) attributes. -->
> > >
> >
> > [Med] The suggested text looks good to me.
> >
> > >
> > > 12) <!-- [rfced] Section 5:  We do not see SHA2-256 mentioned in
> > > RFC 6234.  Will this citation be clear to readers?
> > >
> > > Original:
> > >  Implementations MUST support SHA2-256 [RFC6234]. -->
> > >
> >
> > [Med] Yes. As we are relying on the IANA registry
> (https://www/
> .iana.org%2Fassignments%2Fikev2-
> &data=05%7C01%7Cmohamed.boucadair%40orange.com%7C304af25ac8184511d4d80
> 8dbb51d5c8b%7C90c7a20af34b40bfbc48b9253b6f5d20%7C0%7C0%7C6383029099320
> 67442%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLjAwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJB
> TiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C3000%7C%7C%7C&sdata=ZuWqPx%2BxuoLHIdmnsUU
> Ljcs9KZKUmt9UWhqmR3X6nQc%3D&reserved=0
> > parameters/ikev2-parameters.xhtml#hash-algorithms), we are using the
> label that used in that registry +
> > authoritative spec with the hash algo. No change is needed here.
> >
> > >
> > > 13) <!-- [rfced] Section 6:  Please clarify the meaning of "does
> > > not
> > > alter the trust on" in this sentence.  Are some words missing?
> > >
> > > Original:
> > >  This document adheres to the security considerations defined in
> > >  [RFC7296].  In particular, this document does not alter the trust
> > > on
> > >  the DNS configuration provided by a responder. -->
> > >
> >
> > [Med] What about:
> >
> > NEW:
> >    In particular, this document does not alter the trust that the
> initiator
> >    have on the DNS configuration provided by a responder.
> >
> > >
> > > 14) <!-- [rfced] Section 6:  We had trouble parsing this sentence.
> > > Please clarify "returned ENCDNS_IP* resolvers configuration" and
> > > to what "it" refers (the responder or the initiator?).
> > >
> >
> > [Med] the initiator.
> >
> > > Original:
> > >  If the IKEv2 responder has used NULL Authentication method
> > > [RFC7619]
> > >  to authenticate itself, the initiator MUST NOT use returned
> > >  ENCDNS_IP* resolvers configuration unless it is pre-configured,
> > > e.g.,
> > >  in the operating system or the application. -->
> > >
> > >
> > > 15) <!-- [rfced] Regarding the references to IANA subregistries,
> > > we note
> > > that [IANA-IKE-HASH] is normative, whereas [IANA-IKE-CFG] is
> > > informative.
> > > Would you like these both to be one or the other?
> > >
> >
> > [Med] The current classification is correct. We had this comment
> during the publication process. IANA-
> > IKE-HASH is normative as this is key for interoperability.
> >
> > > For background:
> > > "Normative references specify documents that must be read to
> > > understand
> > > or implement the technology in the new RFC, or whose technology
> > > must be
> > > present for the technology in the new RFC to work. An informative
> > > reference is not normative; rather, it only provides additional
> > > information."
> > > from
> > > https://eur03.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2F
> > >
> http://www.i/
> etf.org%2F&data=05%7C01%7Cmohamed.boucadair%40orange.com%7C304af25ac81
> 84511d4d808dbb51d5c8b%7C90c7a20af34b40bfbc48b9253b6f5d20%7C0%7C0%7C638
> 302909932067442%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLjAwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2
> luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C3000%7C%7C%7C&sdata=u6YdWBg%2BK
> nB%2FEzRJ8cd5y4Tq4ugWC91%2Bwmzy4lewcZE%3D&reserved=0%2Fabout%2Fgroups%
> 2Fiesg%2Fstatements%2Fnormative-
> > > informative-
> > > references%2F&data=05%7C01%7Cmohamed.boucadair%40orange.com%7Cb2a1
> > > f0dee85244493d1908dbb0e0e24c%7C90c7a20af34b40bfbc48b9253b6f5d20%7C
> > > 0%7C0%7C638298252306689579%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLjA
> > > wMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C3000%7C%7C%7
> > > C&sdata=ey5hl4Xv5MyTVuxIXlWrbMmiVEkAbgrhCZL5D9vH6ys%3D&reserved=0)
> > >
> > >    [IANA-IKE-HASH]
> > >               IANA, "IKEv2 Hash Algorithms",
> > >
> > > <https://eur03.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%252
> > > Fwww.iana.org%2Fassignments%2Fikev2-
> > > parameters%2F&data=05%7C01%7Cmohamed.boucadair%40orange.com%7Cb2a1
> > > f0dee85244493d1908dbb0e0e24c%7C90c7a20af34b40bfbc48b9253b6f5d20%7C
> > > 0%7C0%7C638298252306689579%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLjA
> > > wMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C3000%7C%7C%7
> > > C&sdata=ARTDuz1COFOC%2FBCc24fCN%2FXoihzfU0PBlxSKXdd6QiM%3D&reserve
> > > d=0>.
> > >
> > >    [IANA-IKE-CFG]
> > >               IANA, "IKEv2 Configuration Payload Attribute Types",
> > >
> > > <https://eur03.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%252
> > > Fwww.iana.org%2Fassignments%2Fikev2-
> > > parameters%2F&data=05%7C01%7Cmohamed.boucadair%40orange.com%7Cb2a1
> > > f0dee85244493d1908dbb0e0e24c%7C90c7a20af34b40bfbc48b9253b6f5d20%7C
> > > 0%7C0%7C638298252306689579%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLjA
> > > wMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C3000%7C%7C%7
> > > C&sdata=ARTDuz1COFOC%2FBCc24fCN%2FXoihzfU0PBlxSKXdd6QiM%3D&reserve
> > > d=0>.
> > > -->
> > >
> > >
> > > 16) <!-- [rfced] Appendix A.1:  Please clarify the meaning of
> > > "There is
> > > no ambiguity to" in this sentence.
> > >
> > > Original:
> > >  There is no ambiguity to identify the
> > >  encrypted resolver associated with the supplied digest.
> > >
> > > Possibly:
> > >  Identifying the encrypted resolver associated with the supplied
> > >  digest is therefore unambiguous. -->
> > >
> >
> > [Med] The proposed wording is better. Thanks.
> >
> > >
> > > 17) <!-- [rfced] Please review the "Inclusive Language" portion of
> > > the
> > > online Style Guide at
> > > <https://eur03.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%252
> > > Fwww.rfc-
> > > editor.org%2Fstyleguide%2Fpart2%2F%23inclusive_language&data=05%7C
> > > 01%7Cmohamed.boucadair%40orange.com%7Cb2a1f0dee85244493d1908dbb0e0
> > > e24c%7C90c7a20af34b40bfbc48b9253b6f5d20%7C0%7C0%7C6382982523066895
> > > 79%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLjAwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJ
> > > BTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C3000%7C%7C%7C&sdata=MzcH%2F6iSwrVdkU
> > > hLib6XWKcOo7aJn11FBbYieLo8oLg%3D&reserved=0>,
> > > and let us know if any changes are needed.
> > >
> > > Note that our script did not flag any words in particular, but
> > > this
> > > should still be reviewed as a best practice. -->
> > >
> >
> > [Med] I don't have any comment here.
> >
> > >
> > > 18) <!-- [rfced] Please let us know if any changes are needed for
> > > the
> > > following:
> > >
> > > a) The following terms were used inconsistently in this document.
> > > We chose to use the latter forms.  Please let us know any
> > > objections.
> > >
> > >  configuration payload attribute (in text; 1 instance) /
> > >    Configuration Payload Attribute (in text; 3 instances)
> > >
> >
> > [Med] We can use "Configuration Payload Attribute"
> >
> > >  Num addresses / Num Addresses (field name)
> > >
> >
> > [Med] We can use "Num Addresses"
> >
> > > b) The following terms/expressions appear to be used
> > > inconsistently in this document.  Please let us know which form is
> > > preferred.
> > >
> > >  hash algorithm identifiers / 'Hash Algorithm Identifiers' /
> > >    Hash Algorithm Identifiers
> > >    For example:
> > >      included hash algorithm identifiers
> > >      included 'Hash Algorithm Identifiers'
> > >      the Hash Algorithm Identifier
> > >      the hash algorithm identifiers
> > >
> >
> > [Med] We can use 'Hash Algorithm Identifiers' only when referring to
> the field name and hash algorithm
> > identifiers in the description text.
> >
> > >  set to zero / set to 0 / set to '0'
> >
> > [Med] Please note that both "set to zero" and "set to 0" are used in
> rfc7296. We can change "set to '0'" to
> > "set to 0".
> >
> > >
> > >  the ENCDNS_IP* Configuration Payload Attribute /
> > >    the ENCDNS_IP* Configuration Payload Attribute(s) /
> > >    the ENCDNS_IP* Configuration Payload Attributes
> > >
> >
> > [Med] "ENCDNS_IP* Configuration Payload Attributes" is used to refer
> to both IPv4/IPv6 attributes. The
> > singular form is better when describing the field. I suggest to make
> these changes in Section 3.1:
> >
> > OLD: in the ENCDNS_IP* Configuration Payload Attribute(s).
> > NEW: in the ENCDNS_IP* Configuration Payload Attribute.
> >
> > OLD: multiple ADNs are included in the ENCDNS_IP* Configuration
> Payload Attributes.
> > NEW: multiple ADNs are included in the ENCDNS_IP* Configuration
> Payload Attribute.
> >
> > > c) Please note that, per elsewhere in this document and per the
> > > rest
> > > of this cluster of documents
> > > (https://eur03.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%252
> > > Fwww.rfc-
> > > editor.org%2Fcluster_info.php%3Fcid%3DC461&data=05%7C01%7Cmohamed.
> > > boucadair%40orange.com%7Cb2a1f0dee85244493d1908dbb0e0e24c%7C90c7a2
> > > 0af34b40bfbc48b9253b6f5d20%7C0%7C0%7C638298252306689579%7CUnknown%
> > > 7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLjAwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwi
> > > LCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C3000%7C%7C%7C&sdata=kgB%2BVVVsL5u0%2F7ewYwO%2FHks
> > > JsKFXUGsczfCrlaNEyCk%3D&reserved=0), we changed
> > > the single-quoted field names to double-quoted.  Please let us
> > > know
> > > any concerns. -->
> > >
> > >
> > > Thank you.
> > >
> > > RFC Editor/lb/ar
> > >
> > >
> > > On Sep 8, 2023, [e-mail] wrote:
> > >
> > > *****IMPORTANT*****
> > >
> > > Updated 2023/09/08
> > >
> > > RFC Author(s):
> > > --------------
> > >
> > > Instructions for Completing AUTH48
> > >
> > > Your document has now entered AUTH48.  Once it has been reviewed
> > > and
> > > approved by you and all coauthors, it will be published as an RFC.
> > > If an author is no longer available, there are several remedies
> > > available as listed in the FAQ
> > > (https://eur03.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%252
> > > Fwww.rfc-
> > > editor.org%2Ffaq%2F&data=05%7C01%7Cmohamed.boucadair%40orange.com%
> > > 7Cb2a1f0dee85244493d1908dbb0e0e24c%7C90c7a20af34b40bfbc48b9253b6f5
> > > d20%7C0%7C0%7C638298252306689579%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiM
> > > C4wLjAwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C3000%7
> > > C%7C%7C&sdata=AVmnlP7tXmIfvKcCbcKWP02MVqeSPbtjVM%2FX%2Ba5oJmE%3D&r
> > > eserved=0).
> > >
> > > You and you coauthors are responsible for engaging other parties
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> > >
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> > >
> > >   <!-- [rfced] ... -->
> > >
> > >   These questions will also be sent in a subsequent email.
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> > >
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> > >   Please review the full content of the document, as this cannot
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> > >   - contact information
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> > >
> > > *  Copyright notices and legends
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> > >   Please review the copyright notice and legends as defined in
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> > > trustee.ietf.org%2Flicense-
> > > info%2F&data=05%7C01%7Cmohamed.boucadair%40orange.com%7Cb2a1f0dee8
> > > 5244493d1908dbb0e0e24c%7C90c7a20af34b40bfbc48b9253b6f5d20%7C0%7C0%
> > > 7C638298252306689579%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLjAwMDAiL
> > > CJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C3000%7C%7C%7C&sdat
> > > a=CLVTn9%2FahmzPfRa7wbrqZX3hdy3XyTokVZR5mG5Y7m0%3D&reserved=0).
> > >
> > > *  Semantic markup
> > >
> > >   Please review the markup in the XML file to ensure that elements
> > > of
> > >   content are correctly tagged.  For example, ensure that
> > > <sourcecode>
> > >   and <artwork> are set correctly.  See details at
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> > > <https://eur03.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%252
> > > Fauthors.ietf.org%2Frfcxml-
> > > vocabulary&data=05%7C01%7Cmohamed.boucadair%40orange.com%7Cb2a1f0d
> > > ee85244493d1908dbb0e0e24c%7C90c7a20af34b40bfbc48b9253b6f5d20%7C0%7
> > > C0%7C638298252306689579%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLjAwMD
> > > AiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C3000%7C%7C%7C&s
> > > data=z%2BMn8kpajc5kiHpa3ysWH7kTeAhugXRE2m616iMNdrY%3D&reserved=0>.
> > >
> > > *  Formatted output
> > >
> > >   Please review the PDF, HTML, and TXT files to ensure that the
> > >   formatted output, as generated from the markup in the XML file,
> > > is
> > >   reasonable.  Please note that the TXT will have formatting
> > >   limitations compared to the PDF and HTML.
> > >
> > >
> > > Submitting changes
> > > ------------------
> > >
> > > To submit changes, please reply to this email using 'REPLY ALL' as
> > > all
> > > the parties CCed on this message need to see your changes. The
> > > parties
> > > include:
> > >
> > >   *  your coauthors
> > >
> > >   *  [e-mail] (the RPC team)
> > >
> > >   *  other document participants, depending on the stream (e.g.,
> > >      IETF Stream participants are your working group chairs, the
> > >      responsible ADs, and the document shepherd).
> > >
> > >   *  [e-mail], which is a new archival mailing
> > > list
> > >      to preserve AUTH48 conversations; it is not an active
> > > discussion
> > >      list:
> > >
> > >     *  More info:
> > >
> > > https://eur03.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2F
> > > mailarchive.ietf.org%2Farch%2Fmsg%2Fietf-announce%2Fyb6lpIGh-
> > > 4Q9l2USxIAe6P8O4Zc&data=05%7C01%7Cmohamed.boucadair%40orange.com%7
> > > Cb2a1f0dee85244493d1908dbb0e0e24c%7C90c7a20af34b40bfbc48b9253b6f5d
> > > 20%7C0%7C0%7C638298252306689579%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC
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> > > %7C%7C&sdata=%2Fs6iQAXfBoXAipisgn1aB2Op8OzZo9Om3v18pCvMzRQ%3D&rese
> > > rved=0
> > >
> > >     *  The archive itself:
> > >
> > > https://eur03.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2F
> > > mailarchive.ietf.org%2Farch%2Fbrowse%2Fauth48archive%2F&data=05%7C
> > > 01%7Cmohamed.boucadair%40orange.com%7Cb2a1f0dee85244493d1908dbb0e0
> > > e24c%7C90c7a20af34b40bfbc48b9253b6f5d20%7C0%7C0%7C6382982523066895
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> > > %2FPJkD%2BFQDDBExuhHf9i1axXSM%2Bc%3D&reserved=0
> > >
> > >     *  Note: If only absolutely necessary, you may temporarily opt
> > > out
> > >        of the archiving of messages (e.g., to discuss a sensitive
> > > matter).
> > >        If needed, please add a note at the top of the message that
> > > you
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> > >        [e-mail] will be re-added to the CC
> > > list and
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> > >
> > > You may submit your changes in one of two ways:
> > >
> > > An update to the provided XML file
> > > - OR -
> > > An explicit list of changes in this format
> > >
> > > Section # (or indicate Global)
> > >
> > > OLD:
> > > old text
> > >
> > > NEW:
> > > new text
> > >
> > > You do not need to reply with both an updated XML file and an
> > > explicit
> > > list of changes, as either form is sufficient.
> > >
> > > We will ask a stream manager to review and approve any changes
> > > that seem
> > > beyond editorial in nature, e.g., addition of new text, deletion
> > > of text,
> > > and technical changes.  Information about stream managers can be
> > > found in
> > > the FAQ.  Editorial changes do not require approval from a stream
> > > manager.
> > >
> > >
> > > Approving for publication
> > > --------------------------
> > >
> > > To approve your RFC for publication, please reply to this email
> > > stating
> > > that you approve this RFC for publication.  Please use 'REPLY
> > > ALL',
> > > as all the parties CCed on this message need to see your approval.
> > >
> > >
> > > Files
> > > -----
> > >
> > > The files are available here:
> > >
> > > https://eur03.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2F
> > >
> http://www.r/
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> > > Diff file of the text:
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> > > https://eur03.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2F
> > >
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> > > Diff of the XML:
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> > >
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> > > 0
> > >
> > > This diff file compares an altered original and the RFC
> > > (in order to make the changes in moved text viewable):
> > >
> > > https://eur03.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2F
> > >
> http://www.r/
> fc-
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> 464-alt-
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> > >
> > > Tracking progress
> > > -----------------
> > >
> > > The details of the AUTH48 status of your document are here:
> > >
> > > https://eur03.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2F
> > >
> http://www.r/
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> > > editor.org%2Fauth48%2Frfc9464&data=05%7C01%7Cmohamed.boucadair%40o
> > > range.com%7Cb2a1f0dee85244493d1908dbb0e0e24c%7C90c7a20af34b40bfbc4
> > > 8b9253b6f5d20%7C0%7C0%7C638298252306846778%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d
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> > > 97Oag%3D&reserved=0
> > >
> > > Please let us know if you have any questions.
> > >
> > > Thank you for your cooperation,
> > >
> > > RFC Editor
> > >
> > > --------------------------------------
> > > RFC9464 (draft-ietf-ipsecme-add-ike-14)
> > >
> > > Title            : Internet Key Exchange Protocol Version 2
> > > (IKEv2) Configuration for Encrypted DNS
> > > Author(s)        : M. Boucadair, T. Reddy.K, D. Wing, V. Smyslov
> > > WG Chair(s)      : Yoav Nir, Tero Kivinen
> > > Area Director(s) : Roman Danyliw, Paul Wouters
> >
> ______________________________________________________________________
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____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Ce message et ses pieces jointes peuvent contenir des informations confidentielles ou privilegiees et ne doivent donc
pas etre diffuses, exploites ou copies sans autorisation. Si vous avez recu ce message par erreur, veuillez le signaler
a l'expediteur et le detruire ainsi que les pieces jointes. Les messages electroniques etant susceptibles d'alteration,
Orange decline toute responsabilite si ce message a ete altere, deforme ou falsifie. Merci.

This message and its attachments may contain confidential or privileged information that may be protected by law;
they should not be distributed, used or copied without authorisation.
If you have received this email in error, please notify the sender and delete this message and its attachments.
As emails may be altered, Orange is not liable for messages that have been modified, changed or falsified.
Thank you.