Re: [auth48] AUTH48: RFC-to-be 9464 <draft-ietf-ipsecme-add-ike-14> for your review

[[e-mail]]

Dear RFC Editor, 

Please see inline. 

I let my co-authors further comment as appropriate. 

Cheers,
Med

> -----Message d'origine-----
> De : [e-mail] <[e-mail]>
> Envoyé : samedi 9 septembre 2023 05:00
> À : BOUCADAIR Mohamed INNOV/NET <[e-mail]>;
> [e-mail]; [e-mail]; [e-mail]
> Cc : [e-mail]; [e-mail]; ipsecme-
> [e-mail]; [e-mail]; [e-mail]; auth48archive@rfc-
> editor.org
> Objet : Re: AUTH48: RFC-to-be 9464 <draft-ietf-ipsecme-add-ike-14>
> for your review
> 
> Authors,
> 
> While reviewing this document during AUTH48, please resolve (as
> necessary) the following questions, which are also in the XML
> file.
> 
> 1) <!-- [rfced] Section 2:  We had trouble following this
> paragraph; "but could be located outside of it" followed by "the
> latter option becomes plausible" is a bit confusing.  If the
> suggested text doesn't adequately clarify things, would you like
> to provide alternative text that does?
> 
> Original:
>  For many years, typical designs have often considered that the
> DNS  resolver was usually located inside the protected domain, but
> could  be located outside of it.  With encrypted DNS, the latter
> option  becomes plausible.  Note that existing VPN client
> implementations  might not expect that the discovered DNS resolver
> IP addresses to be  outside of the covered IP address ranges of
> the VPN tunnel.
> 
> Suggested:
>  For many years, typical designs have often assumed that the DNS
> resolver was usually located inside the protected domain, but they
> don't consider implementations where the DNS resolver could be
> located outside of it.  With encrypted DNS, managing the latter
> scenario becomes plausible.  Note that existing VPN client
> implementations might not expect the discovered DNS resolver IP
> addresses to be outside of the covered IP address ranges of the
> VPN  tunnel. -->
> 

[Med] OK with "s/managing/implementing" or "s/managing/deploying".

> 
> 2) <!-- [rfced] Section 3.1:  Please clarify the meaning of "to
> configure ... to an initiator".
> 
> Original:
>  The ENCDNS_IP* IKEv2 Configuration Payload Attribute Types,
>  ENCDNS_IP4 and ENCDNS_IP6, are used to configure encrypted DNS
> resolvers to an initiator. -->
> 

[Med] What about?

NEW:
   The ENCDNS_IP* IKEv2 Configuration Payload Attribute Types,
   ENCDNS_IP4 and ENCDNS_IP6, are used to configure an initiator
   with encrypted DNS resolvers.

> 
> 3) <!-- [rfced] Please review each artwork element.  Should any of
> them be tagged as sourcecode?  If the current list of preferred
> values for "type"
> (https://eur03.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2
> Fwww.rfc-editor.org%2Fmaterials%2Fsourcecode-
> types.txt&data=05%7C01%7Cmohamed.boucadair%40orange.com%7Cb2a1f0de
> e85244493d1908dbb0e0e24c%7C90c7a20af34b40bfbc48b9253b6f5d20%7C0%7C
> 0%7C638298252306689579%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLjAwMDA
> iLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C3000%7C%7C%7C&sd
> ata=owrKC%2BaVwCKIaYUrlgQ%2FjOWPPgMyIDNDCh9P6A3ynOI%3D&reserved=0)
> does not contain an applicable type, please let us know.  Also, it
> is acceptable to leave the "type" attribute not set. -->
> 

[Med] We can leave this not set.

> 
> 4) <!-- [rfced] Figure 1:  We corrected the field-name mismatch
> per
> "IP Address(es) (variable) - Includes one or more IP addresses" as
> listed in the descriptions below.  Please let us know any
> objections.
> 
> Original:
>  ~                         IP Addresses                          ~
> 
> Currently:
>  ~                        IP Address(es)                         ~
> -->
> 

[Med] OK.

> 
> 5) <!-- [rfced] Section 3.1:  The use of "attribute" versus
> "attributes"
> was confusing here.  We updated the figure title and the next
> sentence as follows.  If this is incorrect, please provide a clear
> figure title and following text.
> 
> Original:
>                       Figure 1: Attributes Format
> 
>  The description of the fields of the attribute shown in Figure 1
> is
>  as follows:
> 
> Currently:
>      Figure 1: Format of ENCDNS_IP4 and ENCDNS_IP6 Attribute Types
> 
>  The descriptions of the fields shown in Figure 1 are as follows:
> -->

[Med] I suggest to update as follows: 

NEW:
      Figure 1: Format of ENCDNS_IP4 and ENCDNS_IP6 Configuration Attributes

> 
> 
> 6) <!-- [rfced] Sections 3.1 and 3.2:  Should these three
> instances of
> "Configuration Attribute Type" be "Configuration Payload Attribute
> Type"?

[Med] We can maintain the original text as that is aligned with the usage in https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/html/rfc7296#section-3.15.1.

> 
> Original:
>  *  Attribute Type (15 bits) - Identifier for Configuration
> Attribute
>     Type.  This is set to TBA1 for ENCDNS_IP4 or TBA2 for
> ENCDNS_IP6,
>     as registered in Section 8.
> ...
>  *  Attribute Type (15 bits) - Identifier for Configuration
> Attribute
>     Type; is set to TBA3 value listed in Section 8.
> ...
>  *  Attribute Type (15 bits) - Identifier for Configuration
> Attribute
>     Type; is set to TBA3 value listed in Section 8. -->
> 
> 
> 7) <!-- [rfced] Section 3.1:  It looks odd to have 'Length of the
> ADN'
> but no quotes around Length of SvcParams.  May we update as
> suggested?
> 
> Original:
>  -  (4 + 'Length of the ADN' + N * 4 + Length of SvcParams) for
> ...
>  -  (4 + 'Length of the ADN' + N * 16 + Length of SvcParams) for
> 
> Suggested:
>  *  (4 + 'Length of the ADN' + N * 4 + 'Length of SvcParams') for
> ...
>  *  (4 + 'Length of the ADN' + N * 16 + 'Length of SvcParams') for
> -->
> 

[Med] The suggested text is OK.

> 
> 8) <!-- [rfced] Figure 2:  We found it confusing that the
> description
> for the "Certificate Digest" field only appears after Figure 4.
> Will readers readily find the field description, or should some
> clarifying text be added?
> 

[Med] I don't think a change is needed here.

> Original:
>  Some of the fields shown in Figure 2 can be omitted as further
>  detailed below.
> 
> Possibly:
>  Some of the fields shown in Figure 2 can be omitted, as further
>  detailed below.  Descriptions for the "Authentication Domain
> Name"
>  and "Certificate Digest" fields are provided below Figure 4. -->
> 
> 
> 9) <!-- [rfced] Section 4:  Per Section 6.2 of RFC 8310 ("Section
> 8
> discusses these mechanisms ..."), should "the mechanism" be "the
> mechanisms" here, or should one mechanism in particular from
> Section 8 of RFC 8310 be cited here?
> 

[Med] OK to update to "mechanisms".

> Original:
>  The DNS client establishes an encrypted DNS session (e.g., DoT,
> DoH,
>  DoQ) with the address(es) conveyed in ENCDNS_IP* and uses the
>  mechanism discussed in Section 8 of [RFC8310] to authenticate the
> DNS
>  resolver certificate using the authentication domain name
> conveyed in
>  ENCDNS_IP*. -->
> 
> 
> 10) <!-- [rfced] Section 4:  Please confirm that "PKIX-EE(1) with
> selector SPKI(1)" is correct.  We could only find "DANE-EE(3) and
> selector SPKI(1)" and "DANE-EE(3) with selector SPKI(1)" in RFC
> 7671.
> 

[Med] Yes, please see 5.3 of RFC7671.

> Original:
>  This approach is
>  similar to certificate usage PKIX-EE(1) with selector SPKI(1)
> defined
>  in [RFC7671] but without PKIX validation. -->
> 
> 
> 11) <!-- [rfced] Section 4:  The first sentence in the "Note:"
> paragraph
> did not parse.  We updated it as noted below.  Please let us know
> any objections.
> 
> Also, please review whether the "Note:" paragraph should be in the
> <aside> element.  It is defined as "a container for content that
> is
> semantically less important or tangential to the content that
> surrounds it"
> (https://eur03.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2
> Fauthors.ietf.org%2Fen%2Frfcxml-
> vocabulary%23aside&data=05%7C01%7Cmohamed.boucadair%40orange.com%7
> Cb2a1f0dee85244493d1908dbb0e0e24c%7C90c7a20af34b40bfbc48b9253b6f5d
> 20%7C0%7C0%7C638298252306689579%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC
> 4wLjAwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C3000%7C
> %7C%7C&sdata=I7PImckstjLTTo5K5l1VC8TFPxvqIThfb2C%2BxZ2gDTE%3D&rese
> rved=0).
> 

[Med] The use of <aside> element is not justified here. Please maintain the original format. 

> Original:
>  Note: [RFC8598] requires INTERNAL_IP6_DNS (or INTERNAL_IP4_DNS)
>  attribute to be mandatory present when INTERNAL_DNS_DOMAIN is
>  included.  This specification relaxes that constraint in the
>  presence of ENCDNS_IP* attributes.  That is, if ENCDNS_IP*
>  attributes are supplied, it is allowed for responders to include
>  INTERNAL_DNS_DOMAIN even in the absence of INTERNAL_IP6_DNS (or
>  INTERNAL_IP4_DNS) attributes.
> 
> Currently:
>  Note: [RFC8598] requires that the INTERNAL_IP6_DNS (or
>  INTERNAL_IP4_DNS) attribute be present when INTERNAL_DNS_DOMAIN
> is
>  included.  This specification relaxes that constraint in the
>  presence of ENCDNS_IP* attributes.  That is, if ENCDNS_IP*
>  attributes are supplied, responders are allowed to include
>  INTERNAL_DNS_DOMAIN even in the absence of INTERNAL_IP6_DNS (or
>  INTERNAL_IP4_DNS) attributes. -->
> 

[Med] The suggested text looks good to me. 

> 
> 12) <!-- [rfced] Section 5:  We do not see SHA2-256 mentioned in
> RFC 6234.  Will this citation be clear to readers?
> 
> Original:
>  Implementations MUST support SHA2-256 [RFC6234]. -->
> 

[Med] Yes. As we are relying on the IANA registry (https://www.iana.org/assignments/ikev2-parameters/ikev2-parameters.xhtml#hash-algorithms), we are using the label that used in that registry + authoritative spec with the hash algo. No change is needed here.  

> 
> 13) <!-- [rfced] Section 6:  Please clarify the meaning of "does
> not
> alter the trust on" in this sentence.  Are some words missing?
> 
> Original:
>  This document adheres to the security considerations defined in
>  [RFC7296].  In particular, this document does not alter the trust
> on
>  the DNS configuration provided by a responder. -->
> 

[Med] What about: 

NEW:
   In particular, this document does not alter the trust that the initiator
   have on the DNS configuration provided by a responder.

> 
> 14) <!-- [rfced] Section 6:  We had trouble parsing this sentence.
> Please clarify "returned ENCDNS_IP* resolvers configuration" and
> to what "it" refers (the responder or the initiator?).
> 

[Med] the initiator. 

> Original:
>  If the IKEv2 responder has used NULL Authentication method
> [RFC7619]
>  to authenticate itself, the initiator MUST NOT use returned
>  ENCDNS_IP* resolvers configuration unless it is pre-configured,
> e.g.,
>  in the operating system or the application. -->
> 
> 
> 15) <!-- [rfced] Regarding the references to IANA subregistries,
> we note
> that [IANA-IKE-HASH] is normative, whereas [IANA-IKE-CFG] is
> informative.
> Would you like these both to be one or the other?
> 

[Med] The current classification is correct. We had this comment during the publication process. IANA-IKE-HASH is normative as this is key for interoperability. 

> For background:
> "Normative references specify documents that must be read to
> understand
> or implement the technology in the new RFC, or whose technology
> must be
> present for the technology in the new RFC to work. An informative
> reference is not normative; rather, it only provides additional
> information."
> from
> https://eur03.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2F
> www.ietf.org%2Fabout%2Fgroups%2Fiesg%2Fstatements%2Fnormative-
> informative-
> references%2F&data=05%7C01%7Cmohamed.boucadair%40orange.com%7Cb2a1
> f0dee85244493d1908dbb0e0e24c%7C90c7a20af34b40bfbc48b9253b6f5d20%7C
> 0%7C0%7C638298252306689579%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLjA
> wMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C3000%7C%7C%7
> C&sdata=ey5hl4Xv5MyTVuxIXlWrbMmiVEkAbgrhCZL5D9vH6ys%3D&reserved=0)
> 
>    [IANA-IKE-HASH]
>               IANA, "IKEv2 Hash Algorithms",
> 
> <https://eur03.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2
> Fwww.iana.org%2Fassignments%2Fikev2-
> parameters%2F&data=05%7C01%7Cmohamed.boucadair%40orange.com%7Cb2a1
> f0dee85244493d1908dbb0e0e24c%7C90c7a20af34b40bfbc48b9253b6f5d20%7C
> 0%7C0%7C638298252306689579%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLjA
> wMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C3000%7C%7C%7
> C&sdata=ARTDuz1COFOC%2FBCc24fCN%2FXoihzfU0PBlxSKXdd6QiM%3D&reserve
> d=0>.
> 
>    [IANA-IKE-CFG]
>               IANA, "IKEv2 Configuration Payload Attribute Types",
> 
> <https://eur03.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2
> Fwww.iana.org%2Fassignments%2Fikev2-
> parameters%2F&data=05%7C01%7Cmohamed.boucadair%40orange.com%7Cb2a1
> f0dee85244493d1908dbb0e0e24c%7C90c7a20af34b40bfbc48b9253b6f5d20%7C
> 0%7C0%7C638298252306689579%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLjA
> wMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C3000%7C%7C%7
> C&sdata=ARTDuz1COFOC%2FBCc24fCN%2FXoihzfU0PBlxSKXdd6QiM%3D&reserve
> d=0>.
> -->
> 
> 
> 16) <!-- [rfced] Appendix A.1:  Please clarify the meaning of
> "There is
> no ambiguity to" in this sentence.
> 
> Original:
>  There is no ambiguity to identify the
>  encrypted resolver associated with the supplied digest.
> 
> Possibly:
>  Identifying the encrypted resolver associated with the supplied
>  digest is therefore unambiguous. -->
> 

[Med] The proposed wording is better. Thanks.

> 
> 17) <!-- [rfced] Please review the "Inclusive Language" portion of
> the
> online Style Guide at
> <https://eur03.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2
> Fwww.rfc-
> editor.org%2Fstyleguide%2Fpart2%2F%23inclusive_language&data=05%7C
> 01%7Cmohamed.boucadair%40orange.com%7Cb2a1f0dee85244493d1908dbb0e0
> e24c%7C90c7a20af34b40bfbc48b9253b6f5d20%7C0%7C0%7C6382982523066895
> 79%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLjAwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJ
> BTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C3000%7C%7C%7C&sdata=MzcH%2F6iSwrVdkU
> hLib6XWKcOo7aJn11FBbYieLo8oLg%3D&reserved=0>,
> and let us know if any changes are needed.
> 
> Note that our script did not flag any words in particular, but
> this
> should still be reviewed as a best practice. -->
> 

[Med] I don't have any comment here. 

> 
> 18) <!-- [rfced] Please let us know if any changes are needed for
> the
> following:
> 
> a) The following terms were used inconsistently in this document.
> We chose to use the latter forms.  Please let us know any
> objections.
> 
>  configuration payload attribute (in text; 1 instance) /
>    Configuration Payload Attribute (in text; 3 instances)
> 

[Med] We can use "Configuration Payload Attribute"

>  Num addresses / Num Addresses (field name)
> 

[Med] We can use "Num Addresses"

> b) The following terms/expressions appear to be used
> inconsistently in this document.  Please let us know which form is
> preferred.
> 
>  hash algorithm identifiers / 'Hash Algorithm Identifiers' /
>    Hash Algorithm Identifiers
>    For example:
>      included hash algorithm identifiers
>      included 'Hash Algorithm Identifiers'
>      the Hash Algorithm Identifier
>      the hash algorithm identifiers
> 

[Med] We can use 'Hash Algorithm Identifiers' only when referring to the field name and hash algorithm identifiers in the description text.

>  set to zero / set to 0 / set to '0'

[Med] Please note that both "set to zero" and "set to 0" are used in rfc7296. We can change "set to '0'" to "set to 0".

> 
>  the ENCDNS_IP* Configuration Payload Attribute /
>    the ENCDNS_IP* Configuration Payload Attribute(s) /
>    the ENCDNS_IP* Configuration Payload Attributes
> 

[Med] "ENCDNS_IP* Configuration Payload Attributes" is used to refer to both IPv4/IPv6 attributes. The singular form is better when describing the field. I suggest to make these changes in Section 3.1:

OLD: in the ENCDNS_IP* Configuration Payload Attribute(s).
NEW: in the ENCDNS_IP* Configuration Payload Attribute.

OLD: multiple ADNs are included in the ENCDNS_IP* Configuration Payload Attributes.
NEW: multiple ADNs are included in the ENCDNS_IP* Configuration Payload Attribute.

> c) Please note that, per elsewhere in this document and per the
> rest
> of this cluster of documents
> (https://eur03.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2
> Fwww.rfc-
> editor.org%2Fcluster_info.php%3Fcid%3DC461&data=05%7C01%7Cmohamed.
> boucadair%40orange.com%7Cb2a1f0dee85244493d1908dbb0e0e24c%7C90c7a2
> 0af34b40bfbc48b9253b6f5d20%7C0%7C0%7C638298252306689579%7CUnknown%
> 7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLjAwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwi
> LCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C3000%7C%7C%7C&sdata=kgB%2BVVVsL5u0%2F7ewYwO%2FHks
> JsKFXUGsczfCrlaNEyCk%3D&reserved=0), we changed
> the single-quoted field names to double-quoted.  Please let us
> know
> any concerns. -->
> 
> 
> Thank you.
> 
> RFC Editor/lb/ar
> 
> 
> On Sep 8, 2023, [e-mail] wrote:
> 
> *****IMPORTANT*****
> 
> Updated 2023/09/08
> 
> RFC Author(s):
> --------------
> 
> Instructions for Completing AUTH48
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> C4wLjAwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C3000%7
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> 7C638298252306689579%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLjAwMDAiL
> CJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C3000%7C%7C%7C&sdat
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> vocabulary&data=05%7C01%7Cmohamed.boucadair%40orange.com%7Cb2a1f0d
> ee85244493d1908dbb0e0e24c%7C90c7a20af34b40bfbc48b9253b6f5d20%7C0%7
> C0%7C638298252306689579%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLjAwMD
> AiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C3000%7C%7C%7C&s
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> www.rfc-
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> r%40orange.com%7Cb2a1f0dee85244493d1908dbb0e0e24c%7C90c7a20af34b40
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> zdZ8C0%3D&reserved=0
> 
> https://eur03.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2F
> www.rfc-
> editor.org%2Fauthors%2Frfc9464.txt&data=05%7C01%7Cmohamed.boucadai
> r%40orange.com%7Cb2a1f0dee85244493d1908dbb0e0e24c%7C90c7a20af34b40
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> Diff file of the text:
> 
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> www.rfc-editor.org%2Fauthors%2Frfc9464-
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> https://eur03.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2F
> www.rfc-editor.org%2Fauthors%2Frfc9464-
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> =0 (side by side)
> 
> Diff of the XML:
> 
> https://eur03.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2F
> www.rfc-editor.org%2Fauthors%2Frfc9464-
> xmldiff1.html&data=05%7C01%7Cmohamed.boucadair%40orange.com%7Cb2a1
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> 0
> 
> This diff file compares an altered original and the RFC
> (in order to make the changes in moved text viewable):
> 
> https://eur03.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2F
> www.rfc-editor.org%2Fauthors%2Frfc9464-alt-
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> 
> Tracking progress
> -----------------
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> range.com%7Cb2a1f0dee85244493d1908dbb0e0e24c%7C90c7a20af34b40bfbc4
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> 97Oag%3D&reserved=0
> 
> Please let us know if you have any questions.
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> Thank you for your cooperation,
> 
> RFC Editor
> 
> --------------------------------------
> RFC9464 (draft-ietf-ipsecme-add-ike-14)
> 
> Title            : Internet Key Exchange Protocol Version 2
> (IKEv2) Configuration for Encrypted DNS
> Author(s)        : M. Boucadair, T. Reddy.K, D. Wing, V. Smyslov
> WG Chair(s)      : Yoav Nir, Tero Kivinen
> Area Director(s) : Roman Danyliw, Paul Wouters
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