Re: [auth48] AUTH48: RFC-to-be 9465 <draft-ietf-pim-null-register-packing-16> for your review

[[e-mail]]

Authors,

While reviewing this document during AUTH48, please resolve (as necessary) the following questions, which are also in the XML file.


1) <!-- [rfced] FYI, we updated "multiple Multicast source and group information"
as follows to improve readability. Please let us know any objections.

Original:
   This document defines a standard to send multiple Multicast source
   and group information in a single PIM message.  

Updated:
   This document defines a standard to send information about multiple 
   multicast sources and groups in a single PIM message. 
-->


2) <!-- [rfced] Would updating this section title be helpful to readers? The
original mentions "Packed Null-Register", but the text notes that the
Packing Capability bit indicates the "ability of the RP to receive PIM
Packed Null-Register messages and send PIM Packed Register-Stop
messages".

Original:
   2.  Packed Null-Register Packing Capability

Perhaps:
   2.  Packing Capability for PIM Packed Null-Register and PIM Packed Register-Stop Messages

Or:
   2.  Packing Capability
-->


3) <!-- [rfced] Please confirm that the P-bit is correctly placed in Figure 1. We
ask because IANA has allocated flag bit 0.
-->


4) <!-- [rfced] Please confirm that "Section 4.9.4 of [RFC7761]" is correct
here. We ask because that section describes the Register-Stop message
format.

Original:
   The fields in the PIM Packed Null-Register message are defined in
   Section 4.9.4 of [RFC7761], and the common header in
   [I-D.venaas-pim-rfc8736bis]   
-->


5) <!-- [rfced] Would it be helpful to update these sentences as follows to
clarify which fields are defined in RFCs 7761 and 9436? 
     
Original:
   The fields in the PIM Register-Stop message are defined in
   Section 4.9.4 of [RFC7761], and the common header in
   [I-D.venaas-pim-rfc8736bis].
   ...
   The fields in the PIM Packed Null-Register message are defined in
   Section 4.9.4 of [RFC7761], and the common header in
   [I-D.venaas-pim-rfc8736bis]   
   ...
   The fields in the PIM Packed Register-Stop message are defined in
   Section 4.9.4 of [RFC7761], and the common header in
   [I-D.venaas-pim-rfc8736bis]

Perhaps:
   The Group Address and Source Address fields in the PIM Register-Stop
   message are defined in
   Section 4.9.4 of [RFC7761]. The common header is defined in [RFC9436].
   ...
   The Group Address and Source Address fields in the PIM Packed
   Null-Register message are defined in
   Section 4.9.4 of [RFC7761]. The common header is defined in [RFC9436].
   ...
   The Group Address and Source Address fields in the PIM Packed
   Register-Stop message are defined in
   Section 4.9.4 of [RFC7761]. The common header is defined in [RFC9436].
-->


6) <!-- [rfced] FYI, we removed the citation to [I-D.venaas-pim-rfc8736bis] here as
the value is not defined in that document.

Original:
   Type, Subtype: The PIM Packed Null-Register Type value TBD2.
   [I-D.venaas-pim-rfc8736bis]

Current:
   Type, Subtype:  PIM Packed Null-Register (13.0).
-->


7) <!-- [rfced] Should "until the length of" here be updated to "until the end
of", "throughout the length of", or something similar?

Original:
   After parsing the PIM common header, individual records are then
   parsed one by one until the length of the PIM Packed Null-Register
   message. 
   ...
   After parsing the PIM common header, individual records are then
   parsed one by one until the length of the PIM Packed Register-Stop
   message. 
-->


8) <!-- [rfced] Please review "for all purposes" in these two sentences. Is this
phrase needed? Or should it be updated for clarity?

Original:
   Sending or receiving a PIM Packed Null-Register message is the
   equivalent, for all purposes, of sending or receiving an individual
   Null-Register message for each record represented in the PIM Packed
   Null-Register message.
   ...
   Sending or receiving a PIM Packed Register-Stop message is the
   equivalent, for all purposes, of sending or receiving an individual
   Null-Register message for each record represented in the PIM Packed
   Register-Stop.

Perhaps:
   Sending or receiving a PIM Packed Null-Register message has the
   equivalent effect of sending or receiving an individual
   Null-Register message for each record represented in the PIM Packed
   Null-Register message.
   ...
   Sending or receiving a PIM Packed Register-Stop message has the
   equivalent effect of sending or receiving an individual
   Null-Register message for each record represented in the PIM Packed
   Register-Stop.
-->


9) <!-- [rfced] Would you like the references to be alphabetized or left in their
current order?
-->


10) <!-- [rfced] FYI, we have added expansions for abbreviations upon first use
per Section 3.6 of RFC 7322 ("RFC Style Guide"). Please review each
expansion in the document carefully to ensure correctness. Also, would it
be helpful to add these to the Terminology section?

MSDP - Multicast Source Discovery Protocol
PIM-SM - PIM Sparse Mode
-->


11) <!-- [rfced] Terminology

a) We see both "multicast" and "Multicast" used in the document. We updated to
use the lowercase form. Please let us know any objections.

b) We see the following forms used in the document. Would you like to update
for consistency, or will readers understand that these are the same thing?

PIM Null-Register messages vs. PIM Null-Registers
PIM Register-Stop messages vs. PIM Register-Stops
PIM Packed Null-Register messages vs. PIM Packed Null-Registers
PIM Packed Register-Stop messages vs. PIM Packed Register-Stops
-->


12) <!-- [rfced] Please review the "Inclusive Language" portion of the online 
Style Guide <https://www.rfc-editor.org/styleguide/part2/#inclusive_language>
and let us know if any changes are needed.

Note that our script did not flag any words in particular, but this should 
still be reviewed as a best practice.
-->


Thank you.

RFC Editor/st/rv



On Sep 5, 2023, at 11:04 AM, [e-mail] wrote:

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Updated 2023/09/05

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--------------------------------------
RFC9465 (draft-ietf-pim-null-register-packing-16)

Title            : PIM Null-Register packing
Author(s)        : V. Kamath, R. Sundaram, R. Banthia, A. Gopal
WG Chair(s)      : Stig Venaas, Mike McBride

Area Director(s) : Alvaro Retana, John Scudder, Andrew Alston