Re: [dnssd] Barry Leiba's Yes on draft-ietf-dnssd-prireq-05: (with COMMENT)
Christian Huitema <huitema@huitema.net> Wed, 26 February 2020 05:02 UTC
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To: Barry Leiba <barryleiba@computer.org>, The IESG <iesg@ietf.org>
Cc: draft-ietf-dnssd-prireq@ietf.org, dnssd-chairs@ietf.org, dnssd@ietf.org, David Schinazi <dschinazi.ietf@gmail.com>
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From: Christian Huitema <huitema@huitema.net>
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Date: Tue, 25 Feb 2020 20:42:39 -0800
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Subject: Re: [dnssd] Barry Leiba's Yes on draft-ietf-dnssd-prireq-05: (with COMMENT)
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Thanks for the review, Barry. We will address your comments in the next revision of the draft. I am not enthusiastic about "normative references in informational documents". I will wait for Eric's advice on that one, assuming that he will carry the IESG consensus on that topic. -- Christian Huitema On 2/25/2020 5:06 PM, Barry Leiba via Datatracker wrote: > Barry Leiba has entered the following ballot position for > draft-ietf-dnssd-prireq-05: Yes > > When responding, please keep the subject line intact and reply to all > email addresses included in the To and CC lines. (Feel free to cut this > introductory paragraph, however.) > > > Please refer to https://www.ietf.org/iesg/statement/discuss-criteria.html > for more information about IESG DISCUSS and COMMENT positions. > > > The document, along with other ballot positions, can be found here: > https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/draft-ietf-dnssd-prireq/ > > > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- > COMMENT: > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- > > It’s useful to have this analysis; thanks. Just some editorial comments below. > Please consider them; none needs any explicit response. Please take specific > note of the last one, about the references. > > General: “i.e.” and “e.g.” always need a comma after them. > > — Section 1 — > > There are cases when nodes connected to a network want to provide or > consume services without exposing their identity to the other parties > > Nit: “their identities” (or “a node… wants… its identity”) > > Consider for example a traveler > > Nit: “Consider, for example, a traveler” > > Disclosing Information In this document "disclosing information" is > also focused on disclosure by data conveyed via messages on the > service discovery protocol layer. > > Do you mean “disclosure of data” (not “by”)? > > — Section 2 — > > All these attackers can either be passive, i.e. > they just listen to network traffic they have access to, or active, > i.e. they additionally can craft and send (malicious) packets. > > Style: You decide, of course, but I find this easier to read with parentheses, > rather than “i.e.”s: > > SUGGEST > All these attackers can either be passive (they > just listen to network traffic they have access to) or active > (they additionally can craft and send malicious packets). > END > > on-link An on-link attacker is on the same network link as victim > devices engaging in service discovery; thus, the external attacker > is in the same multicast domain. > > The second line should say “on-link attacker”. > > MITM A Man in the Middle (MITM) attacker either controls (parts of) > a network link or can trick two parties to send traffic via him; > > Nit: “Man-in-the-Middle” needs hyphens when it modifies “attacker”. > Style: I know that “him” matches “Man”, so maybe we should leave it as is. > Still, it jarred me. I would say “via the attacker.” > > — Section 3.1.1 — > I love the ASCII-art stick figures. :-) > > just for tracking people or as a preliminary to targeted attacks. > > “preliminary” isn’t a noun. Maybe “preliminary step”, or maybe “preamble”? Or > you could remove “as a”, and it would work. Yes, I think the last is the best > fix here. > > — Section 3.1.2 — > > such as > for example an airport's lounge. > > Nit: “for example” needs to be set off with commas before and after it. > > — Section 3.1.3 — > > to further attacks, from theft to device specific hacking. > > Nit: hyphenate “device-specific”. > > "fingerprint" of the person, allowing identification. > > Style: I would say “facilitating identification”, or maybe “risking > identification”. > > — Section 3.2 — > > This is mainly relevant for unicast based discovery > > Nit: hyphenate “unicast-based”. > > — Section 3.2.4 — > > o Some attributes like the paper size available in a printer, > > Fruit flies like a banana? The attributes are not paticularly fond of > anything: “Some attributes, such as the paper size available in a printer,” > > Combinations of attributes have more information power than specific > attributes > > Style: I would say, “than individual attributes” > > Information contained in TXT records does not only breach privacy > > Nit: make it “…records not only breaches privacy” > > Further, TXT records often contain version information about services > allowing potential attackers > > You need a comma after “services” — otherwise, the meaning isn’t quite as you > want it. > > — Section 3.2.5 — > > An argument is sometimes made that devices providing services can be > identified by observing the local traffic, and that trying to hide > the presence of the service is futile. However, > > Given what you say below this, I think it would help to emphasize the point > here, so may I suggest this?: > > NEW > An argument is sometimes made that devices providing services can be > identified by observing the local traffic, and that trying to hide > the presence of the service is futile. However, there are good > reasons for the doscovery service layer to avoid unnecessary exposure: > END > > — Section 3.2.6 — > > services, such as for example some private messaging services. > > “such as” already means “for example”, so you don’t need both. I would just > remove “for example”. > > — Section 3.4.1 — > > can perform, the proxy may have some way to wake the device, as > implied in RFC6762 [RFC6762] > > 6762 is 50 pages-ish; do you mind adding a section to the citation to help the > reader find the implication? > > — Section 3.4.2 — > > Further it may cause an unnecessary level > of power consumption which is particularly problematic > > Nit: this needs a comma after “further” and another after “consumption”. > > unauthorized observers, while also managing to do that efficiently. > > You’re missing an antecedent to “that”. I think you need to say, “to do its > job efficiently,” or something like that. > > — Section 3.4.3 — > > establishment requires active participation of the user, such as > entering a password or PIN. > > I submit that “clicking OK” is also active participation. Maybe “more > significant participation” is better? > > — Section 4 — > > lead to a solution that does not transmit privacy violating DNS-SD > > Nit: hyphenate “privacy-violating”. > > mechanisms should be used on deeper layer network protocols and on > how to actually connect to services in a privacy preserving way, > > Nit: hyphenate “deeper-layer” and “privacy-preserving”. > > — Section 4.2 — > > 4. Avoid disclosure of information about the services they offer to > unauthorized clients. > > This sounds like it’s talking about services that they offer to unauthorized > clients. I don’t actually think readers will misunderstand it, but they might > trip over it. Maybe move “to unauthorized clients” after “disclosure”? That > way, you can make the same change in bullet 3 and keep them parallel and clear. > > — Section 4.3 — > > Further, it would > increase power consumption which is critical for IoT devices. > > Increased power consumption isn’t what’s critical; just the opposite. Maybe > “which is damaging to IoT devices.” > > — Section 7 — > Do with this comment what you will: I’m one who believes that Informational > documents do have Normative References. Those are the references that are > critical to the understanding of the document. Clearly, the DNSSD and mDNS > documents are in that category, and I think there are others. You needn’t > reply on this, and you needn’t do it if you disagree, but I think it would be > best to identify the key documents that readers of this need to be familiar > with, and move them into Normative References. > > >
- [dnssd] Barry Leiba's Yes on draft-ietf-dnssd-pri… Barry Leiba via Datatracker
- Re: [dnssd] Barry Leiba's Yes on draft-ietf-dnssd… Christian Huitema
- Re: [dnssd] Barry Leiba's Yes on draft-ietf-dnssd… Barry Leiba
- Re: [dnssd] Barry Leiba's Yes on draft-ietf-dnssd… Eric Vyncke (evyncke)
- Re: [dnssd] Barry Leiba's Yes on draft-ietf-dnssd… Christian Huitema