[Gen-art] Re: Genart last call review of draft-ietf-raw-technologies-10

[Mallory Knodel <[e-mail]>]

No further comments. Thanks!

On Sun, Oct 13, 2024 at 04:16 Pascal Thubert <[e-mail]>
wrote:

> Hello Mallory
>
> Many thanks for your review and comments. I agree with your constructive
> points and made the proposed changes.
> Please see below:
>
> Le lun. 7 oct. 2024 à 16:24, Mallory Knodel via Datatracker <
> [e-mail]> a écrit :
>
>> Reviewer: Mallory Knodel
>> Review result: Ready with Issues
>>
>> I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area
>> Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed
>> by the IESG for the IETF Chair.  Please treat these comments just
>> like any other last call comments.
>>
>> For more information, please see the FAQ at
>>
>> <https://wiki.ietf.org/en/group/gen/GenArtFAQ
>> <https://urldefense.proofpoint.com/v2/url?u=https-3A__wiki.ietf.org_en_group_gen_GenArtFAQ&d=DwMFaQ&c=slrrB7dE8n7gBJbeO0g-IQ&r=krANNudPSfUTEf2kXiduBUqRjXhDsKNCASr1kibHLfs&m=q7hUfIA4fJqsCTVe3FtOIY4to1HUr6Nazi8iqSoX2ghrg7QobhR00IudYR2aU65Y&s=TEdX2rr5AwFFN8eZJOwAVZeAR-wfJJKSiwnl2slCx8o&e=>
>> >.
>>
>> Document: draft-ietf-raw-technologies-??
>> Reviewer: Mallory Knodel
>> Review Date: 2024-10-07
>> IETF LC End Date: 2024-09-18
>> IESG Telechat date: Not scheduled for a telechat
>>
>> Summary: This document is a very useful informational text about the
>> requirements of reliability and availability for various uses in networks
>> connected with wireless technologies.
>>
>> Major issues: The introduction could make it clearer to the reader how the
>> technologies were chosen, if it is a complete set at the time of writing,
>> and
>> other revisions that indicate more clearly the purpose. I also find the
>> final
>> paragraph of the introduction more helpful about the document's contents
>> than
>> the current abstract:
>>    This document browses the short and middle range radio technologies
>>    that are suitable to provide a DetNet/RAW service over, presents the
>>    characteristics that RAW may leverage, and explores the applicability
>>    of the technologies to carry deterministic flows. The studied
>>    technologies are Wi-Fi 6/7, TimeSlotted Channel Hopping (TSCH), 3GPP
>>    5G, and L-band Digital Aeronautical Communications System (LDACS).
>>
>>
> Used as abstract.
>
>
>> Minor issues:
>>
>> Other reviewers have also noted the slightly awkward "summary" subsection
>> at
>> the end of each section and my suggested approach might be to include
>> this as
>> the *first* paragraph for each section, before the subsections begin, eg:
>>
>> 4.  IEEE 802.11
>>
>> [Summary paragraph without subsection heading]
>>
>> 4.1.  Provenance and Documents
>>
>>
> done
>
>> ...
>>
>> Nits/editorial comments: (none).
>>
>>
>>
> Many  thanks!
>
> Pascal
>
>
> --
> Pascal
>