[Gen-art] Re: Genart last call review of draft-ietf-raw-technologies-10

[Pascal Thubert <[e-mail]>]

Hello Mallory

Many thanks for your review and comments. I agree with your constructive
points and made the proposed changes.
Please see below:

Le lun. 7 oct. 2024 à 16:24, Mallory Knodel via Datatracker <
[e-mail]> a écrit :

> Reviewer: Mallory Knodel
> Review result: Ready with Issues
>
> I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area
> Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed
> by the IESG for the IETF Chair.  Please treat these comments just
> like any other last call comments.
>
> For more information, please see the FAQ at
>
> <https://wiki.ietf.org/en/group/gen/GenArtFAQ>.
>
> Document: draft-ietf-raw-technologies-??
> Reviewer: Mallory Knodel
> Review Date: 2024-10-07
> IETF LC End Date: 2024-09-18
> IESG Telechat date: Not scheduled for a telechat
>
> Summary: This document is a very useful informational text about the
> requirements of reliability and availability for various uses in networks
> connected with wireless technologies.
>
> Major issues: The introduction could make it clearer to the reader how the
> technologies were chosen, if it is a complete set at the time of writing,
> and
> other revisions that indicate more clearly the purpose. I also find the
> final
> paragraph of the introduction more helpful about the document's contents
> than
> the current abstract:
>    This document browses the short and middle range radio technologies
>    that are suitable to provide a DetNet/RAW service over, presents the
>    characteristics that RAW may leverage, and explores the applicability
>    of the technologies to carry deterministic flows. The studied
>    technologies are Wi-Fi 6/7, TimeSlotted Channel Hopping (TSCH), 3GPP
>    5G, and L-band Digital Aeronautical Communications System (LDACS).
>
>
Used as abstract.


> Minor issues:
>
> Other reviewers have also noted the slightly awkward "summary" subsection
> at
> the end of each section and my suggested approach might be to include this
> as
> the *first* paragraph for each section, before the subsections begin, eg:
>
> 4.  IEEE 802.11
>
> [Summary paragraph without subsection heading]
>
> 4.1.  Provenance and Documents
>
>
done

> ...
>
> Nits/editorial comments: (none).
>
>
>
Many  thanks!

Pascal


-- 
Pascal