[Gen-art] review of draft-simon-emu-rfc2716bis-12.txt
Francis Dupont <Francis.Dupont@fdupont.fr> Wed, 09 January 2008 21:23 UTC
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From: Francis Dupont <Francis.Dupont@fdupont.fr>
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Subject: [Gen-art] review of draft-simon-emu-rfc2716bis-12.txt
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I have been selected as the General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) reviewer for this draft (for background on Gen-ART, please see http://www.alvestrand.no/ietf/gen/art/gen-art-FAQ.html). Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments you may receive. Document: draft-simon-emu-rfc2716bis-12.txt Reviewer: Francis Dupont Review Date: 2008-01-09 IETF LC Date: 2007-12-27 IESG Telechat date: 2008-01-10 Summary: Ready Comments: I have some editorial comments (editorial means they should be handled by the RFC Editor): - 2.1 page 4: s/backend security server/backend authentication server/ - 2.1.1 page 5: s/e.g. /e.g., / - 2.1.2 page 7: s/remoted/remote/ - 2.2 page 16: s/need not be/needs not be/ (subject is "the identity") - 5.1 page 22: s/KDF/key derivation function/ - 5.2 page 24: s/RDN/relative distinguished name (RDN)/ - 5.2 page 24: s/CN/CommonName (CN)/ ? (I know CN is more used than the full name but as far as I know the official name is CommonName) Note there could be other not introduced abbrevs - 5.3 pages 24 and 25: s/conformant/compliant/ ? - 6.2 page 28: s/Bands" IEEE 802.16e/Bands", IEEE 802.16e/ - Acknowledgments page 29: it is not usual to add the companies - Authors' Addresses page 30: please add USA (yes! :-) For the iESG I am not very satisfied with the reference to the NIST SP800-57: this document is a good one and it is better to reference it than to leave nothing but the IETF is an international body so one could complain about the National in NIST... I don't know if it really matters, BTW it is an informative reference, but it should be nice to find a way to avoid any complains for this kind. (Note I don't complain but I know the editor of the similar French gov text (from an organization with the same N in its name :-) so I am trying to understand what he should think about this point). Thanks Francis.Dupont@fdupont.fr PS: as EAP-TLS seems to still be the only blessed EAP method usable according to RFC 4017 it is (was now) very important to have a high quality new version of 2716, so again thanks! _______________________________________________ Gen-art mailing list Gen-art@ietf.org https://www1.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/gen-art
- [Gen-art] review of draft-simon-emu-rfc2716bis-12… Francis Dupont
- [Gen-art] Re: review of draft-simon-emu-rfc2716bi… Bernard Aboba
- Review timing [ [Gen-art] Re: review of draft-sim… Brian E Carpenter