[Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-forces-ceha-08.txt

Francis Dupont <Francis.Dupont@fdupont.fr> Thu, 07 November 2013 18:00 UTC

Message-Id: <201311071759.rA7Hxv3t067420@givry.fdupont.fr>
From: Francis Dupont <Francis.Dupont@fdupont.fr>
To: gen-art@ietf.org
Date: Thu, 07 Nov 2013 18:59:57 +0100
Sender: Francis.Dupont@fdupont.fr
Cc: draft-ietf-forces-ceha.all@tools.ietf.org
Subject: [Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-forces-ceha-08.txt
Precedence: list

I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on
Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at

<http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>.

Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments
you may receive.

Document: draft-ietf-forces-ceha-08.txt
Reviewer: Francis Dupont
Review Date: 20131028
IETF LC End Date: 20131106
IESG Telechat date: unknown

Summary: Ready

Major issues: None

Minor issues: None

Nits/editorial comments:
 - 1 pages 2 and 3: I have a concern with the order of definitions.
  IMHO there are 3 solutions:
   * keep the document order arguing definitions are repeated for
    convenience so it doesn't matter there are backward references
    (i.e., someone new in the domain should first read referenced RFCs,
     and at the opposite someone not new in the domain already knows
     the used acronyms)

   * introduce each acronym at its first use

   * same + reorder the definition list to minimize out-of-order
    internal references

  Note the best choice depends on the intended public so you have a better
  idea than me about this...

 - 2.2 second 1. page 5: IMHO the interface is Fp, not Fr.

 - 3.1 figure 2 page 7: Estbalishment -> Establishment

 - 3.1.1 page 7: parametrization -> parameterization

 - 4.1 page 11 (twice): i.e. -> i.e.,

 - 4.1 2. page 11: the and in "+ and 2" should be moved to the end
   of the previous item, i.e., I suggest to change:

           +  1 (HA Mode - Cold Standby) represents that the FE is in HA
              mode cold Standby

           +  and 2 (HA Mode - Hot Standby) represents that the FE is in
              HA mode hot Standby

into

           +  1 (HA Mode - Cold Standby) represents that the FE is in HA
              mode cold Standby, and

           +  2 (HA Mode - Hot Standby) represents that the FE is in
              HA mode hot Standby

    Note if you want to put something at the end of each items the correct
    character is ";", and "." for the last item.

 - 4.2 page 13: practise -> practice

 - 4.2 pages 13 and 14: figure 4 should be on one page (this is
  something to leave to the RFC Editor anyway).

 - 4.2 figure 5 page 14 (3!): Estbalishment -> Establishment

 - Appendix A page 20: some indent problems with "The FE should
  stop | continue" (same remark: we can expect the RFC Editor will
  use a XML pretty-printer for the final editing).

Regards

Francis.Dupont@fdupont.fr

PS: I am at the IETF meeting.

[Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-forces-ceha-08.txt Francis Dupont
Re: [Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-forces-ceha-08… Haleplidis Evangelos
Re: [Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-forces-ceha-08… Jari Arkko