Re: [Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-sidrops-bgpsec-rollover-02.txt

["Brian Weis (bew)" <[e-mail]>]

Hi Francis,

Thanks for your review. I’ve addressed the nits as you’ve suggest, although there are a couple of notes inline.

> On Oct 9, 2017, at 6:32 AM, Francis Dupont <[e-mail]> wrote:
> 
> I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area
> Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed
> by the IESG for the IETF Chair.  Please treat these comments just
> like any other last call comments.
> 
> For more information, please see the FAQ at
> 
> <https://trac.ietf.org/trac/gen/wiki/GenArtfaq>.
> 
> Document: draft-ietf-sidrops-bgpsec-rollover-02.txt
> Reviewer: Francis Dupont
> Review Date: 20171007
> IETF LC End Date: 20171017
> IESG Telechat date: unknown
> 
> Summary: Ready
> 
> Major issues: None
> 
> Minor issues: None
> 
> Nits/editorial comments: 
> IMHO the language itself needs some improvements. Unfortunately I am not
> a native English writer so I can only be a limited help...
> 
> - Abstract page 1: bad wording in
>  "... certificates BGPsec router certificates"
> 
> - Abstract page 1: Normal -> normal
> 
> - Abstract page 1: "creating" does not fit in grammar. Perhaps
>  "which create”?

BEW: I’ve made this much simpler and removed “create” altogether:

  “The  rollover must be carefully managed in order to synchronize the
   distribution of router public keys with BGPsec Update messages
   verified with those router public keys."

> 
> - Abstract page 1: I suggest accomplished -> performed
>  (this point is typical of why a native English writer will really help)
> 
> - ToC page 2 and 4/4.2 page 7: titles of 4 and 4.2 are too close

BEW: I’m not sure what I can do here, and looking at the .txt file I don’t see the spacing issue. I’ve used xml2rfc, which chooses the way titles are spaced. Can you clarify?
> 
> - ToC page 2 and 7 page 9: Acknowledgements -> Acknowledgments
> 
> - 2 page 2: I suggest
>  the local policies of a network. -> the local policies of network.

BEW: How about "This process will need to happen at regular intervals, normally due to policies of the local network.”?

> 
> - 2 page 3: as the 2119 lowe case keyword issue is now solved you may
>  use "may" as in "documents may reference" but perhaps with an upgrade
>  to the standard 2119 reference text. I am asking to the gen-art what
>  to do (and I expect to get an answer before the LC).

BEW: Thanks, will wait for guidance.

Thanks,
Brian

> 
> - 2 page 3, 3.1 and 4 page 6:
>   roll-over -> rollover (i.e. keep one spelling)
> 
> - 4.2 page 7: i.e. -> i.e.,
> 
> Regards
> 
> [e-mail]

-- 
Brian Weis
Security, CSG, Cisco Systems
Telephone: [phone]
Email: [e-mail]