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[Gen-art] Gen-ART Last Call review of draft-ietf-radext-radius-fragmentation-09

Meral Shirazipour <meral.shirazipour@ericsson.com> Thu, 25 December 2014 09:21 UTC

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From: Meral Shirazipour <meral.shirazipour@ericsson.com>
To: "draft-ietf-radext-radius-fragmentation.all@tools.ietf.org" <draft-ietf-radext-radius-fragmentation.all@tools.ietf.org>, "gen-art@ietf.org" <gen-art@ietf.org>
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Subject: [Gen-art] Gen-ART Last Call review of draft-ietf-radext-radius-fragmentation-09
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I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq.

Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments you may receive.

Document: draft-ietf-radext-radius-fragmentation-09
Reviewer: Meral Shirazipour
Review Date: 2014-12-25
IETF LC End Date:  2014-12-25
IESG Telechat date: NA

Summary:
This draft is ready to be published as Experimental RFC but I have some comments.

Minor issues:
-Not sure about this, [page 1] says Updates: 2865, 6158, 6929 (if approved). Can an experimental RFC update non-experimental RFCs?
I read the note in Section 12.1. Just raising the question.

Nits/editorial comments:
-[Page 4], Intro, it would be good to remind the reader on why the 4096 octet limit was put in place initially and what has changed since.

-[Page 4], Section 1, "limitation mean that"--->"limitation means that"

-[Page 4], "this approach does entirely solve"---> should it be "does not" ?

-[Page 5], "the set up"--->"the setup"

-[Page 5], "to implement the draft"--->"to implement the RFC"

-[Page 6], "NOT be used to exchange more than 100K of data", not clear what 100K is here? bytes? why?

-[Page 7], "more than 4K of data", as above, not clear what 4K is?

-[Page 9], "the RADIUS and COA"-->"CoA" instead of "COA"

-[Page 14],"other then Additional-Authorization."--->"other than ..."

-[Page 14],"Compliant RADIUS Chlient"-->"...client"

-[Page 14],"if tey had"--->"if they had"

-[Page 27], "into a even"--->"into an even"


-Other:
* Not sure if this RFC should reference to draft-ietf-radext-bigger-packets as another alternative to look for?
* Please spell at first use: EAP, NAS, PKI, SAML,ABFAB
*chunk/chunking, would it be better to use fragment/fragmenting/fragmentation instead ? or mention the two terms are used interchangeably.



Best Regards,
Meral
---
Meral Shirazipour
Ericsson
Research
www.ericsson.com

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