[Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-rddp-ddp-06.txt
Francis Dupont <Francis.Dupont@point6.net> Mon, 31 July 2006 16:09 UTC
Received: from [127.0.0.1] (helo=stiedprmman1.va.neustar.com) by megatron.ietf.org with esmtp (Exim 4.43) id 1G7aKP-0001RL-Hv; Mon, 31 Jul 2006 12:09:13 -0400
Received: from [10.91.34.44] (helo=ietf-mx.ietf.org) by megatron.ietf.org with esmtp (Exim 4.43) id 1G7aKO-0001RG-W4 for gen-art@ietf.org; Mon, 31 Jul 2006 12:09:12 -0400
Received: from [2001:660:7301:3192:211:43ff:fea3:7e4b] (helo=laposte.rennes.enst-bretagne.fr) by ietf-mx.ietf.org with esmtp (Exim 4.43) id 1G7aKN-0007Go-0i for gen-art@ietf.org; Mon, 31 Jul 2006 12:09:12 -0400
Received: from localhost (localhost.localdomain [127.0.0.1]) by laposte.rennes.enst-bretagne.fr (8.13.4/8.13.4/2004.10.03) with ESMTP id k6VG94A0028365; Mon, 31 Jul 2006 18:09:04 +0200
Received: from givry.rennes.enst-bretagne.fr (givry.rennes.enst-bretagne.fr [192.44.77.29]) by laposte.rennes.enst-bretagne.fr (8.13.4/8.13.4/2004.09.01) with ESMTP id k6VG8xQv028358; Mon, 31 Jul 2006 18:08:59 +0200
Received: from givry.rennes.enst-bretagne.fr (localhost.rennes.enst-bretagne.fr [127.0.0.1]) by givry.rennes.enst-bretagne.fr (8.13.1/8.13.1) with ESMTP id k6VG8uDh090564; Mon, 31 Jul 2006 18:08:56 +0200 (CEST) (envelope-from dupont@givry.rennes.enst-bretagne.fr)
Message-Id: <200607311608.k6VG8uDh090564@givry.rennes.enst-bretagne.fr>
From: Francis Dupont <Francis.Dupont@point6.net>
To: gen-art@ietf.org
Date: Mon, 31 Jul 2006 18:08:56 +0200
X-Virus-Scanned: amavisd-new at enst-bretagne.fr
X-Spam-Score: -2.8 (--)
X-Scan-Signature: cd26b070c2577ac175cd3a6d878c6248
Cc: lars.eggert@netlab.nec.de, recio@us.ibm.com, jpink@microsoft.com, paul.culley@hp.com, hemal@broadcom.com
Subject: [Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-rddp-ddp-06.txt
X-BeenThere: gen-art@ietf.org
X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.5
Precedence: list
List-Id: "GEN-ART: General Area Review Team" <gen-art.ietf.org>
List-Unsubscribe: <https://www1.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/gen-art>, <mailto:gen-art-request@ietf.org?subject=unsubscribe>
List-Archive: <http://www1.ietf.org/pipermail/gen-art>
List-Post: <mailto:gen-art@ietf.org>
List-Help: <mailto:gen-art-request@ietf.org?subject=help>
List-Subscribe: <https://www1.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/gen-art>, <mailto:gen-art-request@ietf.org?subject=subscribe>
Errors-To: gen-art-bounces@ietf.org
I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for draft-ietf-rddp-ddp-06.txt. For background on Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at <http://www.alvestrand.no/ietf/gen/art/gen-art-FAQ.html>. Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments you may receive. Summary: not Ready I have two main concerns: - section 1.1 "Architectural Goals" is not understable. - section 8.4.2 "Requirements for IPsec Services for DDP" refers to an obsolete version of IPsec. For the second point I suggest to contact the IESG to know what should be required (keep IKEv1 text, add some IKEv2 text, move to IKEv2). Detailed comments: - 1.1 page 4: this ection is far too hard to understand. IMHO the source of the problem is the use of the terms Local/Remote Peer when nearly everywhere we have Data Source/Sink. As DDP is an one way protocol (at the opposite of RDMAP for instance) I strongly suggest to simply use only Data Source/Sink. - 1.1 page 4 and many other places: i.e. and e.g. take a ',' just after (only 8.4.2 page 31 has this right). - 1.1 page 4: the LLP abbrev is used before being defined (in page 6). - 1.3 page 6: the RDMAP abbrev is never defined. - 1.3 figure 2 page 8: I suggest to add some "//" and lines to the payload to show it is the large field. - 2.1 pages 9/10: I suggest to remove Local/Remote Peers. - 2.1 page 9: RNIC is used before being defined (I suggest to add a reference to the section). - 2.1 page 10: OS -> Operating System (there are already too many abbrevs). - 3 6. page 13: semantics require -> semantics requires? - 3 8. page 13: stream -> Stream (i.e., uniformize the case) - 5.1.1 page 19: bad wording (I suggest to remove the statement "An STag identifies..." as the next one explains the same thing). - 6.2.1 page 23: I suggest to replace Local/Remote Peers by Data Source/Sink. - 6.2.2 page 24: I don't like the term "catastrophic", is fatal or unrecoverable still possible alternatives? (same 7.2 page 26) - 7.1 page 26: it seems the 5. is already included in the 4., what have I missed? - 8.4.2 pages 31...: the idea to follow the RFC 3723 is good, the problem is this RFC is a bit old. - 8.4.2 1. page 31: there is only one replay protection mechanism in IPsec and this service is offered by ESP. - 8.4.2 1. page 31: RFC2406 -> RFC4303. - 8.4.2 3. page 31: RFC2409 -> RFC4306 and remove the DOI. - 8.4.2 4. page 4: strictly speaking deletes are informational exchanges, not phase 2 (aka. quick mode). BTW there is no such IKE Phase 2 SAs, IMHO you mean IPsec SAs. - 8.4.2 5. and 6.: I strongly suggest to update the text to IKEv2. - 10.1/2 page 34: RFC 240x -> RFC 430y. - 11.1 page 36: size need -> size needs. Regards Francis.Dupont@point6.net _______________________________________________ Gen-art mailing list Gen-art@ietf.org https://www1.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/gen-art
- [Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-rddp-ddp-06.txt Francis Dupont
- RE: [Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-rddp-ddp-06.txt Black_David
- Re: [Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-rddp-ddp-06.txt Francis Dupont