[Hipsec] Ben Campbell's No Objection on draft-ietf-hip-rfc4423-bis-19: (with COMMENT)

Ben Campbell <ben@nostrum.com> Thu, 10 May 2018 02:53 UTC

Return-Path: <ben@nostrum.com>
X-Original-To: hipsec@ietf.org
Delivered-To: hipsec@ietfa.amsl.com
Received: from ietfa.amsl.com (localhost [IPv6:::1]) by ietfa.amsl.com (Postfix) with ESMTP id 646AA12D871; Wed, 9 May 2018 19:53:46 -0700 (PDT)
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="utf-8"
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit
From: Ben Campbell <ben@nostrum.com>
To: The IESG <iesg@ietf.org>
Cc: draft-ietf-hip-rfc4423-bis@ietf.org, Gonzalo Camarillo <gonzalo.camarillo@ericsson.com>, hip-chairs@ietf.org, gonzalo.camarillo@ericsson.com, hipsec@ietf.org
X-Test-IDTracker: no
X-IETF-IDTracker: 6.80.0
Auto-Submitted: auto-generated
Precedence: bulk
Message-ID: <152592082640.10421.10127781203317885108.idtracker@ietfa.amsl.com>
Date: Wed, 09 May 2018 19:53:46 -0700
Archived-At: <https://mailarchive.ietf.org/arch/msg/hipsec/lbvxSaV8nG9EA99DiqD5R8vh-IY>
Subject: [Hipsec] Ben Campbell's No Objection on draft-ietf-hip-rfc4423-bis-19: (with COMMENT)
X-BeenThere: hipsec@ietf.org
X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.22
List-Id: "This is the official IETF Mailing List for the HIP Working Group." <hipsec.ietf.org>
List-Unsubscribe: <https://www.ietf.org/mailman/options/hipsec>, <mailto:hipsec-request@ietf.org?subject=unsubscribe>
List-Archive: <https://mailarchive.ietf.org/arch/browse/hipsec/>
List-Post: <mailto:hipsec@ietf.org>
List-Help: <mailto:hipsec-request@ietf.org?subject=help>
List-Subscribe: <https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/hipsec>, <mailto:hipsec-request@ietf.org?subject=subscribe>
X-List-Received-Date: Thu, 10 May 2018 02:53:46 -0000

Ben Campbell has entered the following ballot position for
draft-ietf-hip-rfc4423-bis-19: No Objection

When responding, please keep the subject line intact and reply to all
email addresses included in the To and CC lines. (Feel free to cut this
introductory paragraph, however.)


Please refer to https://www.ietf.org/iesg/statement/discuss-criteria.html
for more information about IESG DISCUSS and COMMENT positions.


The document, along with other ballot positions, can be found here:
https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/draft-ietf-hip-rfc4423-bis/



----------------------------------------------------------------------
COMMENT:
----------------------------------------------------------------------

I have mostly just reviewed the diff from RFC4423. My comments are mostly
editorial.

First, a minor rant that I don't expect to be addressed at this point in the
process; I mainly say this to try to discourage it future bis drafts: There are
quite a few changes from 4423 that are entirely stylistic, but do not
materially change the content or improve readability. I wish people wouldn't do
that, because it makes it harder to review material changes with the diff
tools. (I will only point out such changes where I think the original was more
correct.)

-General: There seems to have been a systematic attempt to remove hyphens from
compound adjectives. There also seems to be a systematic attempt to change
headings from title case to normal sentence case.  I suspect the RFC editor
will change those all back.

Abstract: The abstract manages to completely avoid saying what this namespace
is _for_. (Yes, I realize that is old text :-) )

§1, first paragraph: s/ "try and do"/"try to do"

§4.2: Please mention the HIT abbreviation in the text, not just the heading.
(The text should make sense even without the headings.)

§5:
- third paragraph: Missing articles before "Left" and "right".
- 2nd to last paragraph: Missing article before "HIP layer" (multiple
instances).