[Hipsec] Ben Campbell's No Objection on draft-ietf-hip-rfc4423-bis-19: (with COMMENT)
Ben Campbell <ben@nostrum.com> Thu, 10 May 2018 02:53 UTC
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From: Ben Campbell <ben@nostrum.com>
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Cc: draft-ietf-hip-rfc4423-bis@ietf.org, Gonzalo Camarillo <gonzalo.camarillo@ericsson.com>, hip-chairs@ietf.org, gonzalo.camarillo@ericsson.com, hipsec@ietf.org
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Date: Wed, 09 May 2018 19:53:46 -0700
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Subject: [Hipsec] Ben Campbell's No Objection on draft-ietf-hip-rfc4423-bis-19: (with COMMENT)
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Ben Campbell has entered the following ballot position for draft-ietf-hip-rfc4423-bis-19: No Objection When responding, please keep the subject line intact and reply to all email addresses included in the To and CC lines. (Feel free to cut this introductory paragraph, however.) Please refer to https://www.ietf.org/iesg/statement/discuss-criteria.html for more information about IESG DISCUSS and COMMENT positions. The document, along with other ballot positions, can be found here: https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/draft-ietf-hip-rfc4423-bis/ ---------------------------------------------------------------------- COMMENT: ---------------------------------------------------------------------- I have mostly just reviewed the diff from RFC4423. My comments are mostly editorial. First, a minor rant that I don't expect to be addressed at this point in the process; I mainly say this to try to discourage it future bis drafts: There are quite a few changes from 4423 that are entirely stylistic, but do not materially change the content or improve readability. I wish people wouldn't do that, because it makes it harder to review material changes with the diff tools. (I will only point out such changes where I think the original was more correct.) -General: There seems to have been a systematic attempt to remove hyphens from compound adjectives. There also seems to be a systematic attempt to change headings from title case to normal sentence case. I suspect the RFC editor will change those all back. Abstract: The abstract manages to completely avoid saying what this namespace is _for_. (Yes, I realize that is old text :-) ) §1, first paragraph: s/ "try and do"/"try to do" §4.2: Please mention the HIT abbreviation in the text, not just the heading. (The text should make sense even without the headings.) §5: - third paragraph: Missing articles before "Left" and "right". - 2nd to last paragraph: Missing article before "HIP layer" (multiple instances).
- [Hipsec] Ben Campbell's No Objection on draft-iet… Ben Campbell
- Re: [Hipsec] Ben Campbell's No Objection on draft… Miika Komu
- Re: [Hipsec] Ben Campbell's No Objection on draft… Ben Campbell