Re: [Iasa20] Genart last call review of draft-ietf-iasa2-rfc5377bis-02

"Joel M. Halpern" <jmh@joelhalpern.com> Wed, 14 August 2019 23:12 UTC

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To: Elwyn Davies <elwynd@dial.pipex.com>, gen-art@ietf.org
Cc: iasa20@ietf.org, draft-ietf-iasa2-rfc5377bis.all@ietf.org, ietf@ietf.org
References: <156582253711.2426.3220277110350903958@ietfa.amsl.com>
From: "Joel M. Halpern" <jmh@joelhalpern.com>
Message-ID: <0630f823-bcb1-247c-d003-6f162bd3c793@joelhalpern.com>
Date: Wed, 14 Aug 2019 19:12:44 -0400
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Archived-At: <https://mailarchive.ietf.org/arch/msg/iasa20/wjSMCv2FgSgsxA2IOHWnCjNUK5I>
Subject: Re: [Iasa20] Genart last call review of draft-ietf-iasa2-rfc5377bis-02
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Thank you Elwyn.  I have applied both changes to my private copy.  I 
will submit when the chairs / ADs request.

Yours,
Joel

On 8/14/2019 6:42 PM, Elwyn Davies via Datatracker wrote:
> Reviewer: Elwyn Davies
> Review result: Ready with Nits
> 
> I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area
> Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed
> by the IESG for the IETF Chair.  Please treat these comments just
> like any other last call comments.
> 
> For more information, please see the FAQ at
> 
> <https://trac.ietf.org/trac/gen/wiki/GenArtfaq>.
> 
> Document: draft-ietf-iasa2-rfc5377bis-02
> Reviewer: Elwyn Davies
> Review Date: 2019-08-14
> IETF LC End Date: 2019-08-14
> IESG Telechat date: Not scheduled for a telechat
> 
> Summary:
> Ready with a couple of nits.  The text of  para 2 of section 3 refers to an
> initial state that is not applicable to the transition which requires this
> update.  Emphasising continuity seems more appropriate.
> 
> Major issues:
> None
> 
> Minor issues:
> None
> 
> Nits/editorial comments:
> Abstract, last  sentence (very picky): Technically, what has been removed from
> the text of RFC 5377 are references to the IAOC.  Suggest s/IASA/IAOC which was
> part of IASA/
> 
> s3, para 2, first sentence:  The first sentence was applicable to the original
> creation of the licence policies and text when responsibility was initially
> transferred to the trustees and is inappropriate for the current modification
> of the trust organisation.  It could probably be safely deleted, or the
> continuity could be emphasised by something like... OLD:
>     The rough consensus described in this document reflects the agreement
>     of the IETF as of the IETF Last Call, and the Trustees of the IETF
>     Trust are to begin drafting license text and other materials to act
>     on these instructions upon IESG approval of this document for RFC
>     publication.
> NEW:
>     To ensure continuuty, the starting point for license text and other materials
>     will be that previiysly created by the Trustees of the IETF under the
>     authority of [RFC5377] which this document supersedes.
> ENDS
> This requires a reference to RFC 5377.
> 
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