Re: [ippm] Lars Eggert's Discuss on draft-ietf-ippm-stamp-srpm-17: (with DISCUSS and COMMENT)

[Rakesh Gandhi <[e-mail]>]

Thank you Lars for the review.

We have posted a revised draft that addresses your comments:

URL:
https://www.ietf.org/archive/id/draft-ietf-ippm-stamp-srpm-18.txt
Html:
https://www.ietf.org/archive/id/draft-ietf-ippm-stamp-srpm-18.html
Diff:
https://author-tools.ietf.org/iddiff?url2=draft-ietf-ippm-stamp-srpm-18

Please let us know if you have further review comments.

Thanks,
Rakesh




On Fri, Aug 4, 2023 at 6:28 AM Lars Eggert via Datatracker <[e-mail]>
wrote:

> Lars Eggert has entered the following ballot position for
> draft-ietf-ippm-stamp-srpm-17: Discuss
>
> When responding, please keep the subject line intact and reply to all
> email addresses included in the To and CC lines. (Feel free to cut this
> introductory paragraph, however.)
>
>
> Please refer to
> https://www.ietf.org/about/groups/iesg/statements/handling-ballot-positions/
> for more information about how to handle DISCUSS and COMMENT positions.
>
>
> The document, along with other ballot positions, can be found here:
> https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/draft-ietf-ippm-stamp-srpm/
>
>
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> DISCUSS:
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> # GEN AD review of draft-ietf-ippm-stamp-srpm-17
>
> CC @larseggert
>
> Thanks to Joel Halpern for the General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) review
> (https://mailarchive.ietf.org/arch/msg/gen-art/crZp5rrOYaDNMcoM95b5pFQBReo
> ).
>
> ## Discuss
>
> Two issues that I think will be quick to fix:
>
> ### Section 4, paragraph 12
> ```
>      other Return Path TLVs if present.  A Session-Reflector that supports
>      this TLV MUST reply using the Return Path received in the Session-
>      Sender test packet, if possible.
> ```
> "MUST ... if possible" is an odd construction. Please rephrase and
>  clarify the requirements level.
>
> ### Section 4.1.3, paragraph 16
> ```
>      The SRv6 Segment List contains a list of 128-bit IPv6 addresses
>      representing the SRv6 SIDs.  Length of the Sub-TLV modulo MUST be 0.
> ```
> Modulo *what*?
>
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> COMMENT:
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> ## Nits
>
> All comments below are about very minor potential issues that you may
> choose to
> address in some way - or ignore - as you see fit. Some were flagged by
> automated tools (via https://github.com/larseggert/ietf-reviewtool), so
> there
> will likely be some false positives. There is no need to let me know what
> you
> did with these suggestions.
>
> ### Outdated references
>
> Document references `draft-ietf-ippm-stamp-on-lag-01`, but `-03` is the
> latest
> available revision.
>
> ### Grammar/style
>
> #### Section 3, paragraph 4
> ```
> s field in octets. The length is 4 octet for IPv4 address and 16 octet for
> I
>                                    ^^^^^
> ```
> Possible agreement error. The noun "octet" seems to be countable.
>
> #### Section 3, paragraph 4
> ```
>  is 4 octet for IPv4 address and 16 octet for IPv6 address. The Destination
>                                     ^^^^^
> ```
> Possible agreement error. The noun "octet" seems to be countable.
>
> #### Section 4.1, paragraph 4
> ```
> bit): Reply Request Flag at bit 31 (least significant bit) is defined as
> fol
>                                     ^^^^^
> ```
> A determiner may be missing.
>
> #### Section 4.1.2, paragraph 3
> ```
> s field in octets. The length is 4 octet for IPv4 address and 16 octet for
> I
>                                    ^^^^^
> ```
> Possible agreement error. The noun "octet" seems to be countable.
>
> #### Section 4.1.2, paragraph 3
> ```
> h is 4 octet for IPv4 address and 16 octet for IPv6 address. 4.1.3. Return
> Se
>                                      ^^^^^
> ```
> Possible agreement error. The noun "octet" seems to be countable.
>
> #### Section 4.1.3, paragraph 14
> ```
> re two possible combinations for such a interoperability use case: - STAMP
> S
>                                       ^
> ```
> Use "an" instead of "a" if the following word starts with a vowel sound,
> e.g.
> "an article", "an hour".
>
> #### Section 6, paragraph 4
> ```
> e allocated according to the "First Come First Served" procedure as
> specifie
>                                     ^^^^
> ```
> It seems that a comma is missing. (Also elsewhere.)
>
> #### Section 8.1, paragraph 3
> ```
>  flow-label, etc. from the packet. Hence for IPv4, for example, different
> va
>                                    ^^^^^
> ```
> A comma may be missing after the conjunctive/linking adverb "Hence".
>
> ## Notes
>
> This review is in the ["IETF Comments" Markdown format][ICMF], You can use
> the
> [`ietf-comments` tool][ICT] to automatically convert this review into
> individual GitHub issues. Review generated by the [`ietf-reviewtool`][IRT].
>
> [ICMF]: https://github.com/mnot/ietf-comments/blob/main/format.md
> [ICT]: https://github.com/mnot/ietf-comments
> [IRT]: https://github.com/larseggert/ietf-reviewtool
>
>
>
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