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Re: [kitten] WGLC on draft-ietf-kitten-pkinit-freshness-06

Greg Hudson <ghudson@mit.edu> Wed, 20 April 2016 15:58 UTC

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To: Benjamin Kaduk <kaduk@mit.edu>
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From: Greg Hudson <ghudson@mit.edu>
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Cc: "kitten@ietf.org" <kitten@ietf.org>
Subject: Re: [kitten] WGLC on draft-ietf-kitten-pkinit-freshness-06
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On 04/14/2016 11:12 PM, Benjamin Kaduk wrote:
> This message begins the second Working Group Last Call (WGLC) of "Public
> Key Cryptography for Initial Authentication in Kerberos (PKINIT) Freshness
> Extension".

I re-read this draft and found only minor editorial issues:

* In section 2, step 1 should say "Section 2.9.3 of [RFC4120]" as in the
other references; currently it is missing "of".

* Section 2.3 should make a forward reference to section 4.

* In section 8 paragraph 1, "KDC provided" should be "KDC-provided".

* In section 8 paragraph 2, there should be a comma between "KDCs" and
"depending."  I would also remove the quotes around "freshness".

* In section 8 paragraph 3, the construction "allowing both X as well as
Y" is not grammatical.  It should either be "allowing both X and Y" or
"allowing X as well as Y".  Also, there should be a "the" before
"existing risks".

* Numeric Google search results suggest "implementor" over
"implementer," but I don't know what the RFC editor's preference is.
"implementer" is used twice in the draft.

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