[L1vpn] Coda: Chair review of draft-ietf-l1vpn-bgp-auto-discovery-02.txt
"Adrian Farrel" <adrian@olddog.co.uk> Sat, 29 September 2007 18:53 UTC
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From: Adrian Farrel <adrian@olddog.co.uk>
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Subject: [L1vpn] Coda: Chair review of draft-ietf-l1vpn-bgp-auto-discovery-02.txt
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Oh, could you also explain why it is not necessary to advertise the VPN ID. Or did I miss it? A ----- Original Message ----- From: "Adrian Farrel" <adrian@olddog.co.uk> To: <l1vpn@ietf.org> Sent: Friday, September 28, 2007 3:13 PM Subject: [L1vpn] Chair review of draft-ietf-l1vpn-bgp-auto-discovery-02.txt > Hi, > > I think that this I-D is in a bit of a state. > Lots of editorial nits that need to be tidied up. > > Thanks, > Adrian > === >>From idnits (http://tools.ietf.org/tools/idnits/) > > Checking boilerplate required by RFC 3978 and 3979, updated by RFC 4748: > ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > No issues found here. > > Checking nits according to http://www.ietf.org/ietf/1id-guidelines.txt: > ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > ** Missing document type: Expected "INTERNET-DRAFT" in the upper left > hand > corner of the first page > > == No 'Intended status' indicated for this document; assuming Proposed > Standard > > == It seems as if not all pages are separated by form feeds - found 0 > form > feeds but 9 pages > > > Checking nits according to http://www.ietf.org/ID-Checklist.html: > ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > ** The document seems to lack separate sections for Informative/Normative > References. All references will be assumed normative when checking > for > downward references. > > ** There are 7 instances of too long lines in the document, the longest > one > being 2 characters in excess of 72. > > > Miscellaneous warnings: > ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > No issues found here. > > Checking references for intended status: Proposed Standard > ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > (See RFC 3967 for information about using normative references to > lower-maturity documents in RFCs) > > == Missing Reference: 'RFC2858' is mentioned on line 171, but not defined > > ** Obsolete undefined reference: RFC 2858 (Obsoleted by RFC 4760) > > == Unused Reference: 'GVPN' is defined on line 369, but no explicit > reference was found in the text > > == Unused Reference: 'BGP-MP' is defined on line 376, but no explicit > reference was found in the text > > == Unused Reference: 'L1VPN-FRMK' is defined on line 390, but no explicit > reference was found in the text > > == Outdated reference: A later version (-09) exists of > draft-ietf-l3vpn-bgpvpn-auto-05 > > ** Downref: Normative reference to an Informational draft: > draft-ietf-l3vpn-bgpvpn-auto (ref. 'BGP-VPN-AUTODISCOVERY') > > == Outdated reference: A later version (-03) exists of > draft-fedyk-bgp-te-attribute-01 > > -- Possible downref: Normative reference to a draft: ref. > 'BGP-TE-ATTRIBUTE' (No intended status found in state file of > draft-fedyk-bgp-te-attribute) > > -- Possible downref: Non-RFC (?) normative reference: ref. 'GVPN' > > == Outdated reference: draft-ietf-idr-bgp-ext-communities has been > published as RFC 4360 > > ** Obsolete normative reference: RFC 2283 (ref. 'BGP-MP') (Obsoleted by > RFC > 2858) > > -- Possible downref: Normative reference to a draft: ref. 'BGP-ORF' (No > intended status found in state file of draft-ietf-idr-route-filter) > > == Outdated reference: draft-ietf-l3vpn-rt-constrain has been published > as > RFC 4684 > > == Outdated reference: draft-ietf-l1vpn-framework has been published as > RFC > 4847 > > ** Downref: Normative reference to an Informational draft: > draft-ietf-l1vpn-framework (ref. 'L1VPN-FRMK') > > > Summary: 7 errors (**), 11 warnings (==), 3 comments (--). > > Run idnits with the --verbose option for more detailed information > about > the items above. > === > Working group reference on top line should read "Network Working Group" > === > Front page names should be "H. Ould-Brahim", "D. Fedyk" and "Y. Rekhter" > === > Whole document needs to leftshift five spaces > === > Intended status. > It seems to be that this is a protocol extension definition for real-time > use. So I would expect to see this marked as Standards Track. If that is > the case, I would expect you to include the boilerplate for RFC 2119 > language, and I would expect you to use that language when defining the > procedures. Also, in section 5, there are is lower case "should": how is > that to be interpreted? > === > Page footings... > " Ould-Brahim, Fedyk, Rekhter June 2007 [Page 1] " > or > " Ould-Brahim et al. June 2007 [Page 2] " > ? > === > Please use page throws, they help people who don't read on line > === > Please replace "draft" with "document" or "memo" in the text, throughout. > This will be published as an RFC, at which point it will not be a draft. > === > Please replace "l1vpn" with "L1VPN" throughout. > === > Please avoid the use of Microsoft smart quotes and apostrophes. These are > showing up as "?" throughout the I-D. > === > Abstract > s/for layer-1 VPNs/for Layer-1 VPNs (L1VPNs)/ > s/CEs member/CE members/ > s/objective of/objective of a/ > s/support "single-/support the "single-/ > === > Abstract > "That information is necessary for completing the signaling phase." > The signaling phase of what? > === > Changes from previous version section should either be marked for the RFC > Editor to remove, or should be deleted now. > === > Section 1. > s/for layer-1 VPNs/for Layer-1 VPNs (L1VPNs)/ > s/CEs member/CE members/ > s/objective of/objective of a/ > s/support "single-/support the "single-/ > s/having a PE advertises/having a PE advertize/ > s/during signaling phase./during the signaling phase./ > === > Section 1 > "That information is necessary for completing the signaling phase." > The signaling phase of what? (twice in this section!) > === > Section 1 > "The auto-discovery mechanism proceeds by having a PE advertises > to other PEs, at a minimum, its own IP address and the list of > <private address, provider address> tuples local to that PE. " > I think this is sparse on explanation for an introduction section. You > need to give a little background on the L1VPN for this tuple to make any > sense. > === > Figure 1. > It is great to have a figure in the introduction, but the figure needs > some explanatory text! > You need at least to describe what we see and define the acronyms. > Note that there is a formatting error around VPN-B PIT in the left hand > PE. > === > Section 1 > "This version of the draft focuses on describing an auto- > discovery mechanism for the basic mode only. Details for the > enhanced mode will be described in future revised version of > this draft." > You need to give references for the modes. > You need to drop "this version". > "Focuses" is wrong, since this is all that the I-D does. > How about: > "[RFC4847] describes two modes of operation for a L1VPN: the basic mode > and the enhanced mode. This document describes an auto-discovery mechanism > for the basic mode only." > === > Section 2 > s/may consists/may consist/ > s/a PE has as well an/a PE also has an/ > s/within that provider network/within the provider network/ > s/used for CPIs, PPIs/used for CPIs or PPIs/ > === > Section 2 > OLD > A PE maintains for each l1vpn configured on that PE a port > information tables (PIT) associated with each l1vpn that has at > least one port configured on a PE. > NEW > For each L1VPN that has at least one port configured > on a PE, the PE maintains a port information table (PIT). > === > Section 2 > s/may as well/may also/ > === > Section 2 > OLD > A PIT on a given PE is populated from two sources: the > information related to the CEs? ports attached to the ports on > that PE (this information could be optionally received from the > CEs), and the information received from other PEs through the > auto-discovery mechanism. We?ll refer to the former as the > "local" information, and to the latter as the "remote" > information. > NEW > A PIT on a given PE is populated with two types of information. > - Information related to the CEs' ports attached to the ports on > the PE. This information could be locally configured at the PE > or could be received from the CEs) > - Information received from other PEs through the auto- > discovery mechanism. > We refer to the former as local information, and to the latter as > remote information. > === > Section 2 > You work seems to depend on [BGP-VPN-AUTODISCOVERY] > But even version 09 of this I-D seems to have disappeared. > If this L1VPN work has overtaken the L2/3 VPN work then we have to do some > juggling or delay this work. > If the L2/3 work has been abandoned, then you need to move some text into > this I-D. > Please clarify. > === > Section 2 bottom of page 3 > Twice in the paragraph you use the passive voice when describing the PIT > by saying "is configured". > Can you clarify if this is operator action, or implementation behavior > triggered by protocol action. > === > Section 2 > s/routes that have at least of these Communities./routes that have at > least one of these Communities./ > === > Section 3 > s/Extensions BGP/Extensions to BGP/ > /a new a new/a new/ > === > Section 3 page 5 > PPI field and CPI field definitions. > Missing close bracket > === > Section 3 > s/whose value indicates address/whose value indicates the address/ > s/CPI (variable):/CPI field:/ > === > Section 3 > "If the value of the Length of the Next Hop field is 4, then the > Next Hop contains an IPv4 address. If this value is 16, then > the Next Hop contains an IPv6 address." > Please give some reference to where the Next Hop field is found (e.g., the > Next Hop field of the MP_REACH_NLRI attribute). > === > Section 4 > "In addition to reachability information, the auto-discovery > mechanism may carry Traffic Engineering information that will be > used for signaling purposes." > That's odd. What signaling purposes are those? > Do you mean path selection purposes? > === > Section 4 > OLD > For example a PE may learn > from the remote PEs, the switching capability, the maximum LSP > bandwidth of the remote l1vpn interfaces. > NEW > For example a PE may learn > the switching capability and the maximum LSP bandwidth of > remote L1VPN interfaces from the remote PEs. > === > Section 4 > "This document proposes > the use of the BGP attribute defined in [BGP-TE-ATTRIBUTE] to > carry such information." > Most assuredly it does not! > Try... > "[BGP-TE-ATTRIBUTE] defines a mechanism that could be used > for this purpose." > > But I need you to explain why that mechanism is to be preferred over the > mechanism proposed in draft-vasseur-ccamp-ce-ce-te. > === > Section 5 > s/(a) PE,/(a) PEs,/ > === > Section 5 > You use "should" several times. See the note above about the use of RFC > 2119 language. > But also, if you use "should" you need to also describe the corresponding > "may" that allows avoidance of the "should". > === > Section 6 > s/of PE to discover/of PEs to discover/ > s/.)./.)/ > === > Section 7 > This IANA section will not do! > The section must: > - point to the registry and sub-registry by name > - make an explicit request to IANA > - suggest a value for allocation > - state the text for inclusion in the sub-registry > - give a reference to the relevant section of the I-D > === > Section 8. > In general, I don't think it is helpful to reference I-Ds that have > expired and that will not be restarted. > === > > > _______________________________________________ > L1vpn mailing list > L1vpn@lists.ietf.org > https://www1.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/l1vpn > _______________________________________________ L1vpn mailing list L1vpn@lists.ietf.org https://www1.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/l1vpn
- [L1vpn] Chair review of draft-ietf-l1vpn-bgp-auto… Adrian Farrel
- RE: [L1vpn] Chair review of draft-ietf-l1vpn-bgp-… Hamid Ould-Brahim
- [L1vpn] Coda: Chair review of draft-ietf-l1vpn-bg… Adrian Farrel
- RE: [L1vpn] Coda: Chair review of draft-ietf-l1vp… Hamid Ould-Brahim
- Re: [L1vpn] Coda: Chair review of draft-ietf-l1vp… Adrian Farrel
- RE: [L1vpn] Coda: Chair review of draft-ietf-l1vp… Hamid Ould-Brahim
- [L1vpn] One more comment on draft-ietf-l1vpn-bgp-… Adrian Farrel
- RE: [L1vpn] One more comment on draft-ietf-l1vpn-… Hamid Ould-Brahim