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Re: [Last-Call] [Gen-art] Genart last call review of draft-ietf-opsawg-yang-vpn-service-pm-12

Lars Eggert <lars@eggert.org> Thu, 20 October 2022 11:03 UTC

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From: Lars Eggert <lars@eggert.org>
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Date: Thu, 20 Oct 2022 14:03:33 +0300
Cc: gen-art@ietf.org, draft-ietf-opsawg-yang-vpn-service-pm.all@ietf.org, last-call@ietf.org, opsawg@ietf.org
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To: Elwyn Davies <elwynd@dial.pipex.com>
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Subject: Re: [Last-Call] [Gen-art] Genart last call review of draft-ietf-opsawg-yang-vpn-service-pm-12
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Elwyn, thank you for your review. I have entered a No Objection ballot for this document.

Lars


> On 2022-10-10, at 14:53, Elwyn Davies via Datatracker <noreply@ietf.org> wrote:
> 
> Reviewer: Elwyn Davies
> Review result: Ready with Nits
> 
> I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area
> Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed
> by the IESG for the IETF Chair.  Please treat these comments just
> like any other last call comments.
> 
> For more information, please see the FAQ at
> 
> <https://trac.ietf.org/trac/gen/wiki/GenArtfaq>.
> 
> Document: draft-ietf-opsawg-yang-vpn-service-pm-12
> Reviewer: Elwyn Davies
> Review Date: 2022-10-10
> IETF LC End Date: 2022-10-04
> IESG Telechat date: Not scheduled for a telechat
> 
> Summary:  Ready with a few minor nits.  Apologies for the rather late delivery.
> 
> Major issues:
> 
> Minor issues:
> 
> s4.4:  The following text appears in the section on 'Percentile Parameters':
> 
>      Setting a percentile to
>      0.00 indicates the client is not interested in receiving
>      particular percentile.
> 
> Given the discussion of configurable items in Section 6 it would be helpful to
> mention that these items and other items marked 'rw' and with names ending in
> '?' can be configured rather than just saying 'Setting'.
> 
> Nits/editorial comments:
> 
> General: The document contains a lot of VPN terminology and network types using
> acronyms such as CE, PE etc.   Some of these are defined in Sections 2/2.1 but
> a pointer to a document that defines the VPN technology (such as RFC 4026)
> would be helpful.
> 
> s1:  The abbreviations PE, CE and P are used here before their definitions in
> s2.  I guess they had better be expanded on first use.
> 
> s2.1: The references for definitions of MPLS, OWAMP and TWAMP introduced in s3
> would be usefully noted here.
> 
> s3, para 3: s/involved devices/devices involved/
> 
> s3.1, para 1: s/Some applications/Some applications,/
> 
> s4.1, para before Fig 4, sentence 1: s/VPN Network PM YANG module/the VPN
> Network PM YANG module/
> 
> s5: There are 3 instances of 'into 0.0' in the percentile definitions of
> augment "/nw:networks/nw:network/nt:link" that should be 'to 0.0'.
> 
> 
> 
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