[tsvwg] Lars Eggert's No Objection on draft-ietf-tsvwg-ecn-l4s-id-28: (with COMMENT)

Lars Eggert via Datatracker <noreply@ietf.org> Wed, 24 August 2022 12:16 UTC

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From: Lars Eggert via Datatracker <noreply@ietf.org>
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Cc: draft-ietf-tsvwg-ecn-l4s-id@ietf.org, tsvwg-chairs@ietf.org, tsvwg@ietf.org, Wesley Eddy <wes@mti-systems.com>, wes@mti-systems.com
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Date: Wed, 24 Aug 2022 05:16:53 -0700
Archived-At: <https://mailarchive.ietf.org/arch/msg/tsvwg/jmWOQ8RTUWNtoeeLAmhNzZm2Moc>
Subject: [tsvwg] Lars Eggert's No Objection on draft-ietf-tsvwg-ecn-l4s-id-28: (with COMMENT)

Lars Eggert has entered the following ballot position for
draft-ietf-tsvwg-ecn-l4s-id-28: No Objection

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----------------------------------------------------------------------
COMMENT:
----------------------------------------------------------------------

# GEN AD review of draft-ietf-tsvwg-ecn-l4s-id-28

CC @larseggert

Thanks to Maria Ines Robles for the General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) review
(https://mailarchive.ietf.org/arch/msg/gen-art/9zLPRZCsnpKY4Zi-XFmqMQ7Lvq0)

## Comments

### Section 1.1, paragraph 3
```
     The bufferbloat project has shown that excessively-large buffering
```
Cite bufferbloat.net?

### Section 1.2, paragraph 2
```
     Note: The L4S architecture [I-D.ietf-tsvwg-l4s-arch] repeats the
     following definitions, but if there are accidental differences those
     below take precedence.
```
Instruct the RFC Editor to remove this paragraph?

### Boilerplate

This document uses the RFC2119 keywords ['RECOMMENDED', 'SHOULD NOT', 'MAY',
'SHALL', 'MUST', 'SHALL NOT', 'REQUIRED', 'MUST NOT', 'NOT RECOMMENDED',
'OPTIONAL', 'SHOULD'], but does not contain the recommended RFC8174
boilerplate. (It contains a variant of the RFC2119 boilerplate.)

### Inclusive language

Found terminology that should be reviewed for inclusivity; see
https://www.rfc-editor.org/part2/#inclusive_language for background and more
guidance:

 * Term `traditional`; alternatives might be `classic`, `classical`, `common`,
   `conventional`, `customary`, `fixed`, `habitual`, `historic`,
   `long-established`, `popular`, `prescribed`, `regular`, `rooted`,
   `time-honored`, `universal`, `widely used`, `widespread`

## Nits

All comments below are about very minor potential issues that you may choose to
address in some way - or ignore - as you see fit. Some were flagged by
automated tools (via https://github.com/larseggert/ietf-reviewtool) so there
will likely be some false positives. There is no need to let me know what you
did with these suggestions.

### Typos

#### Section 1, paragraph 1
```
-    This experimental track specification defines the protocol to be used
-        -------------------
```

### Outdated references

Reference `[RFC2309]` to `RFC2309`, which was obsoleted by `RFC7567` (this may
be on purpose).

Reference `[RFC6347]` to `RFC6347`, which was obsoleted by `RFC9147` (this may
be on purpose).

Reference `[RFC4960]` to `RFC4960`, which was obsoleted by `RFC9260` (this may
be on purpose).

### URLs

These URLs in the document did not return content:

 * http://www.icir.org/floyd/red.html
 * https://www.bell-labs.com/usr/koen.de_schepper
 * http://www.hpcc.jp/pfldnet2009/Program_files/1569198525.pdf

These URLs in the document can probably be converted to HTTPS:

 * http://ieeexplore.ieee.org/xpl/articleDetails.jsp?arnumber=6871352
 * http://doi.acm.org/10.1145/1080091.1080098
 * http://ee.lbl.gov/papers/congavoid.pdf
 * http://bobbriscoe.net/
 * http://dl.acm.org/citation.cfm?doid=2999572.2999578

### Grammar/style

#### Section 1.1, paragraph 2
```
creasing level of discard from the buffer the longer the queue persists abov
                                   ^^^^^^
```
It appears that a comma is missing.

#### Section 1.1, paragraph 6
```
e sawteeth cause minimal queue delay but the troughs underutilize the link,
                                    ^^^^
```
Use a comma before "but" if it connects two independent clauses (unless they
are closely connected and short).

#### Section 1.1, paragraph 6
```
 the troughs utilize the link better but then the tips cause more delay vari
                                    ^^^^
```
Use a comma before "but" if it connects two independent clauses (unless they
are closely connected and short).

#### Section 1.1, paragraph 7
```
ariations it inflicts on itself. Therefore those applications that need to s
                                 ^^^^^^^^^
```
A comma may be missing after the conjunctive/linking adverb "Therefore".

#### Section 1.1, paragraph 13
```
svwg-l4s-arch] and in [RFC3649]. Therefore control of queuing and utilizatio
                                 ^^^^^^^^^
```
A comma may be missing after the conjunctive/linking adverb "Therefore".

#### Section 1.2, paragraph 6
```
(e.g. DNS, VoIP, game sync datagrams, etc). Reno-friendly: The subset of Clas
                                      ^^^
```
A period is needed after the abbreviation "etc.".

#### Section 1.2, paragraph 11
```
update any standards track RFCs. Therefore it depends on [RFC8311], which is
                                 ^^^^^^^^^
```
A comma may be missing after the conjunctive/linking adverb "Therefore".

#### Section 2, paragraph 7
```
ted space left in the IP header. Therefore a compromise will always be neces
                                 ^^^^^^^^^
```
A comma may be missing after the conjunctive/linking adverb "Therefore".

#### Section 2, paragraph 8
```
s chosen as the best compromise. Therefore this scheme is defined in detail
                                 ^^^^^^^^^
```
A comma may be missing after the conjunctive/linking adverb "Therefore".

#### Section 4.2, paragraph 2
```
 the sawtooth yields, on average it take this time to recover to its previou
                                    ^^^^
```
After "it", use the third-person verb form "takes".

#### Section 4.2, paragraph 4
```
ntrol algorithms in [RFC5033]. In addition it is expected to document these L
                                  ^^^^^^^^
```
A comma may be missing after the conjunctive/linking adverb "addition".

#### Section 4.3, paragraph 14
```
receiver(s) when they send data. Therefore there might be ECT(1) packets in
                                 ^^^^^^^^^
```
A comma may be missing after the conjunctive/linking adverb "Therefore".

#### Section 4.3.1, paragraph 1
```
ers, nor that there will be rarity in future. - Per-Flow-queues with Classic
                                   ^^^^^^^^^
```
The phrase "in future" is British English. Did you mean: "in the future"?

#### Section 4.3.1, paragraph 2
```
apsulated within one flow ID. To summarize, the coexistence problem is confi
                                 ^^^^^^^^^
```
Do not mix variants of the same word ("summarize" and "summarise") within a
single text.

#### Section 4.3.1, paragraph 13
```
the network doesn't know the RTTs of any of the flows, so it has to smooth ou
                                  ^^^^^^^^^
```
Consider simply using "of" instead.

#### Section 4.3.1, paragraph 13
```
ext (start-up, congestion avoidance, etc). Therefore, this document places n
                                     ^^^
```
A period is needed after the abbreviation "etc.".

#### Section 4.3.1, paragraph 15
```
eatment as well, unless overridden by a another classifier or unless the exce
                                      ^
```
Use "an" instead of "a" if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g.
"an article", "an hour".

#### Section 5.2, paragraph 2
```
hared by L4S and non-L4S traffic. Instead it will be called the low latency
                                  ^^^^^^^
```
A comma may be missing after the conjunctive/linking adverb "Instead".

#### Section 5.4.1.1, paragraph 8
```
ve its locally-applied exclusions in future, e.g. if it wishes to widen the b
                                  ^^^^^^^^^
```
The phrase "in future" is British English. Did you mean: "in the future"?

#### Section 5.4.1.3, paragraph 5
```
would be opportunities to alter the WiFi profiles sent out of any WiFi inter
                                    ^^^^
```
Did you mean "Wi-Fi"? (This is the officially approved term by the Wi-Fi
Alliance.).

#### Section 5.4.1.3, paragraph 5
```
r the WiFi profiles sent out of any WiFi interfaces from the same device, in
                                    ^^^^
```
Did you mean "Wi-Fi"? (This is the officially approved term by the Wi-Fi
Alliance.).

#### Section 5.4.1.3, paragraph 6
```
tigate incoming bursts of aggregated WiFi frames from other WiFi stations. 6
                                     ^^^^
```
Did you mean "Wi-Fi"? (This is the officially approved term by the Wi-Fi
Alliance.).

#### Section 5.4.1.3, paragraph 7
```
of aggregated WiFi frames from other WiFi stations. 6. Behaviour of Tunnels
                                     ^^^^
```
Did you mean "Wi-Fi"? (This is the officially approved term by the Wi-Fi
Alliance.).

#### Section 6.2, paragraph 2
```
ansport protocols (TCP, QUIC, RMCAT, etc)? Monitoring for harm to other traf
                                     ^^^
```
A period is needed after the abbreviation "etc.".

#### Section 7, paragraph 1
```
is cut down, what becomes the 'second longest pole in the tent' (other than
                               ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
```
It appears that a hyphen is missing.

#### Section 7.2, paragraph 2
```
ing TCP for Low Round Trip Delay", Masters Thesis, Uni Oslo , August 2019, <h
                                   ^^^^^^^
```
For an academic degree, use "Master's".

#### Section 7.3, paragraph 4
```
TCP BBR v2 Alpha/Preview Release", github repository; Linux congestion contr
                                   ^^^^^^
```
The official name of this software platform is spelled with a capital "H".

#### Section 8, paragraph 5
```
st, P. and J. Morton, "L4S Tests", github README, May 2021, <https://github.c
                                   ^^^^^^
```
The official name of this software platform is spelled with a capital "H".

#### Section 10.2, paragraph 7
```
Rapid Acceleration in TCP Prague", Masters Thesis , May 2018, <https://ritepr
                                   ^^^^^^^
```
For an academic degree, use "Master's".

#### Section 10.2, paragraph 25
```
y Algorithm Based on Selective Acknowledgment (SACK) for TCP", RFC 6675, DOI
                               ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
```
Do not mix variants of the same word ("acknowledgment" and "acknowledgement")
within a single text.

#### Section 10.2, paragraph 36
```
ReAM-L4S] Johansson, I., "SCReAM", github repository; , <https://github.com/E
                                   ^^^^^^
```
The official name of this software platform is spelled with a capital "H".

#### Section 10.2, paragraph 43
```
endations in Section 4) have become know as the Prague L4S Requirements, bec
                                    ^^^^
```
Did you mean "known"?

#### "Appendix A.", paragraph 3
```
rhaps impossible) to determine whether or not the AQM is in a shared queue.
                               ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
```
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you
mean "regardless of whether".

#### "Appendix A.", paragraph 4
```
 whether it is in a shared queue, summarized here. An L4S-enabled test server
                                  ^^^^^^^^^^
```
Do not mix variants of the same word ("summarize" and "summarise") within a
single text.

#### "A.1.5.", paragraph 13
```
n order stays roughly invariant. Therefore hosts have an incentive to detect
                                 ^^^^^^^^^
```
A comma may be missing after the conjunctive/linking adverb "Therefore".

#### "A.1.5.", paragraph 14
```
is an exception, covered later). Therefore requiring L4S hosts to detect los
                                 ^^^^^^^^^
```
A comma may be missing after the conjunctive/linking adverb "Therefore".

#### "A.1.5.", paragraph 16
```
 the proportion of L4S traffic, the less of a scaling challenge they will ha
                                    ^^^^
```
The phrase "the less of" is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between
"the" and "of".

#### "A.1.5.", paragraph 16
```
ing challenge they will have. To summarize, there is no reason for L4S hosts
                                 ^^^^^^^^^
```
Do not mix variants of the same word ("summarize" and "summarise") within a
single text.

#### "A.1.6.", paragraph 3
```
trol packets and retransmissions. Similarly RFC 6679 precludes the use of ECT
                                  ^^^^^^^^^
```
A comma may be missing after the conjunctive/linking adverb "Similarly".

#### "A.1.8.", paragraph 15
```
ver a VPN will need to be able to recognize the symptoms of this problem, in
                                  ^^^^^^^^^
```
Do not mix variants of the same word ("recognize" and "recognise") within a
single text.

#### "A.1.8.", paragraph 16
```
 packets, because an L4S AQM will recognize the ECT(0) packets as Classic and
                                  ^^^^^^^^^
```
Do not mix variants of the same word ("recognize" and "recognise") within a
single text.

#### "A.2.1.", paragraph 1
```
t years, or whether there will be in future. An algorithm for detecting a Cl
                                  ^^^^^^^^^
```
The phrase "in future" is British English. Did you mean: "in the future"?

#### "Appendix B.", paragraph 3
```
ction of congestion notifications in future. The ECN Nonce RFC [RFC3540] has
                                  ^^^^^^^^^
```
The phrase "in future" is British English. Did you mean: "in the future"?

#### "Appendix B.", paragraph 13
```
end-to-end use of the ECN field. Therefore a PCN region on the path would no
                                 ^^^^^^^^^
```
A comma may be missing after the conjunctive/linking adverb "Therefore".

#### "Appendix B.", paragraph 14
```
viding help and reviewing this draft and thanks to Ingemar Johansson for rev
                                    ^^^^
```
Use a comma before "and" if it connects two independent clauses (unless they
are closely connected and short).

## Notes

This review is in the ["IETF Comments" Markdown format][ICMF], You can use the
[`ietf-comments` tool][ICT] to automatically convert this review into
individual GitHub issues. Review generated by the [`ietf-reviewtool`][IRT].

[ICMF]: https://github.com/mnot/ietf-comments/blob/main/format.md
[ICT]: https://github.com/mnot/ietf-comments
[IRT]: https://github.com/larseggert/ietf-reviewtool

[tsvwg] Lars Eggert's No Objection on draft-ietf-… Lars Eggert via Datatracker