Re: [auth48] AUTH48: RFC-to-be 9533 <draft-ietf-ippm-otwamp-on-lag-08> for your review

["Rakesh Gandhi (rgandhi)" <[e-mail]>]

Thanks Megan and authors for the review and edits.

One minor comment:
Could you please update my affiliate to - Cisco Systems, Inc.

Thanks,
Rakesh


From: Megan Ferguson <[e-mail]>
Date: Wednesday, January 24, 2024 at 12:55 PM
To: Tianran Zhou <zhoutianran=[e-mail]>
Cc: [e-mail] <[e-mail]>, [e-mail] <[e-mail]>, [e-mail] <[e-mail]>, [e-mail] <[e-mail]>, Rakesh Gandhi (rgandhi) <[e-mail]>, [e-mail] <[e-mail]>, [e-mail] <[e-mail]>, [e-mail] <[e-mail]>, [e-mail] <[e-mail]>, [e-mail] <[e-mail]>, Zhukeyi(Kaiyin,Datacom Standard&Patent) <[e-mail]>
Subject: Re: AUTH48: RFC-to-be 9533 <draft-ietf-ippm-otwamp-on-lag-08> for your review
Tianran,

Thank you for the prompt reply!  We have updated the document based on your responses.
Please review carefully as we do not make updates once the document is published.

  The files have been posted here (please refresh):
   https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9533.txt
   https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9533.pdf
   https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9533.html
   https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9533.xml

  The diff files have been posted here (please refresh):
   https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9533-diff.html (all changes)
   https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9533-rfcdiff.html (all changes side-by-side)
   https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9533-auth48diff.html (AUTH48 changes only)

We will await approvals from each author listed at the AUTH48 status page prior to moving
this document forward in the publication process:

https://www.rfc-editor.org/auth48/rfc9533

Thank you.

RFC Editor/mf

> On Jan 24, 2024, at 1:03 AM, Tianran Zhou <zhoutianran=[e-mail]> wrote:
>
> Hi Editor,
>
> Thanks very much for this revision.
> Please see in line with my confirmation.
>
> Best,
> Tianran
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: [e-mail] [mailto:[e-mail]]
> Sent: Wednesday, January 24, 2024 2:45 AM
> To: [e-mail]; Tianran Zhou <[e-mail]>; [e-mail]; [e-mail]; [e-mail]
> Cc: [e-mail]; [e-mail]; [e-mail]; [e-mail]; [e-mail]; [e-mail]
> Subject: Re: AUTH48: RFC-to-be 9533 <draft-ietf-ippm-otwamp-on-lag-08> for your review
>
> Authors,
>
> While reviewing this document during AUTH48, please resolve (as necessary) the following questions, which are also in the XML file.
>
> 1) <!--[rfced] We had the following questions related to the document's
>     title:
>
> a) Please note that we would like to update the title of the document as follows:
>
> -Remove abbreviations for brevity/continuity (they are each expanded in the Abstract)
>
> -Reword the title to clarify the slash.
>
> Original:
> One-way/Two-way Active Measurement Protocol Extensions for Performance Measurement on LAG
>
> Perhaps:
> One-Way and Two-Way Active Measurement Protocol Extensions for Performance Measurement on a Link Aggregation Group
>
> b) Regarding the short/abbreviated title (that appears in the running header of the pdf): there was enough room to fit both OWAMP and TWAMP, so we have updated as follows.  Please let us know any objections.
>
> Original:
> O/TWAMP PM on LAG
>
> Current:
> OWAMP/TWAMP PM on LAG
> -->
>
> ZTR> Agreed.
>
> 2) <!-- [rfced] Please insert any keywords (beyond those that appear in the title) for use on https://www.rfc-editor.org/search. -->
>
> ZTR> TWAMP, OWAMP, Performance Measurement, LAG, Micro Session
>
> 3) <!-- [rfced] Section 1. We would like to clarify the use of "tuple" in
>     the sentences below and make its use more similar to uses in
>     other RFCs:
>
> Current:
> With either method, one test session over the LAG can measure the performance of a member link with fixed five tuples.  Or it can measure an average of some/all member links of the LAG by varying the five tuples.
>
> Perhaps:
> With either method, one test session over the LAG can measure the performance of a member link using its fixed 5-tuples, or it can measure an average of some or all member links of the LAG by specifying their 5-tuples.
>
> -->
>
> ZTR> May revise like Greg's suggestion on RFC-to-be 9534 (draft-ietf-ippm-stamp-on-lag-06), as follows:
> With either method, one test session over the LAG can be used to measure the performance of a member link using specially-constructed 5-tuple. The session can be used to measure an average of some or all member links of the LAG by varying one or more elements  of that 5-tuple.
>
>
> 4) <!--[rfced] In the following text, is the redundant phrase "of a LAG"
>     and "of the LAG" confusing?  Might a rephrase here be easier to
>     parse?  If our suggestion does not capture your intent, please
>     suggest another rephrase.
>
> Original:
>   All micro sessions of a LAG share the same Sender IP Address and
>   Receiver IP Address of the LAG.
>
> Perhaps A:
>   All micro sessions of a LAG share the same Sender IP Address and
>   Receiver IP Address.
>
> Perhaps B:
>   All micro sessions share the LAG's same Sender IP Address and
>   Receiver IP Address.
> -->
>
> ZTR> A is preferred.
>
> 5) <!--[rfced] This document has a sentence very similar to one in
>     RFC-to-be 9534 (draft-ietf-ippm-stamp-on-lag-06).  May we update
>     this document to match the use in that document (i.e., layer becomes
>     port)?
>
> Original:
> As for the UDP layer, the micro
> sessions may share the same Sender Port and Receiver Port...
>
> Perhaps:
> As for the UDP port, the micro
> sessions may share the same Sender Port and Receiver Port...
> -->
>
> ZTR> Agreed.
>
> 6) <!--[rfced] We had a few questions about the paragraph immediately
>     following Figure 3.
>
> a) Should we update this text to make "field" plural?  Note this question also applies to the text following Figure 5 in Section 4.2.3.
>
> Original:
> Except for the Sender/Reflector Micro-session ID field,...
>
> Perhaps:
> Except for the Sender and Reflector Micro-session ID fields,...
>
> Or perhaps:
> Except for the Sender Micro-session ID field and the Reflector Micro-session ID field,...
>
> ZTR> I prefer the later one.
>
> b) The citations in the text below are somewhat convoluted/stacked. How can something be (basically) "..defined in Section 4.1.2 of [RFC5357]...which is defined in Section 4.1.2 of [RFC4656]...so it follows Section 4.1.2 of [RFC5357]"?  Please clarify.
>
> Original:
> ...all the other fields are the same as defined in Section 4.1.2 of TWAMP [RFC5357], which is defined in Section 4.1.2 of OWAMP [RFC4656].
> Therefore, it follows the same procedure and guidelines as defined in Section 4.1.2 of TWAMP [RFC5357].
>
> Perhaps:
> ...all the other fields depecited in Figure 3 are the same as defined for OWAMP in Section 4.1.2 of [RFC4656], which is further built on for TWAMP in Section 4.1.2 of [RFC5357]; the same procedure and guidelines defined in Section 4.1.2 of [RFC5357] apply.
>
> c) The text before Figure 2 seems very similar to the text we point out in b) above.  Should this text be made more similar (i.e., Section
> 4.1.2 of RFC 5357 seems to build on Section 4.1.2 of RFC 4656 as well, right?)?
>
> Original:
> The micro TWAMP Session-Sender packet format is based on the TWAMP Session-Sender packet format as defined in Section 4.1.2 of [RFC5357].
> Two new fields (Sender Micro-session ID and Reflector Micro-session
> ID) are added to carry the LAG member link identifiers.
>
> Perhaps:
> The micro TWAMP Session-Sender packet format is based on the TWAMP Session-Sender packet format described in Section 4.1.2 of [RFC5357], which is based on the OWAMP format in Section 4.1.2 of [RFC4656].  Two new fields (Sender Micro-session ID and Reflector Micro-session ID) are added to carry the LAG member link identifiers.
>
> Note: for b) and c) above, we could also simply point the reader to Section 4.1.2 of RFC 5357 and let them follow the citations in that document to RFC 4656 (i.e., remove mentions of RFC 4656).
> -->
>
> ZTR> I agree with the Note. For both b and c, we can simplify the description. Your interpretation is correct. Section 4.1.2 of TWAMP [RFC5357] does not actually gives the specification, it just refers to Section 4.1.2 of OWAMP [RFC4656].
>
> 7) <!--[rfced] For Figures 4 and 5, we note that the "bit ruler" at the
>     top is aligned differently than appears in Figures 2 and 3.  We
>     note that these figures seem to be copies of the figures in
>     Section 4.2.1 of RFC 5357.  May we adjust Figures 4 and 5 to match
>     Figures 2 and 3?-->
>
>
> ZTR> Yes, you are right. We should shift the bit ruler. We adjust Figures 4 and 5 to match Figures 2 and 3.
>
> 8) <!--[rfced] We had two questions based on reviewing Figure 5:
>
> a) In RFC 5357, the figure that Figure 5 is based on is introduced with "For authenticated and encrypted modes".  Please confirm that this document should use only "For authenticated mode".
>
> b) We note that the figure in RFC 5357 uses "MBZ (6 octets)" following "Error Estimate" while this document does not mention the number of octets in that position (but does mention octet counts for the other two MBZ entries).  Please review if an update should be made.
>
> -->
>
> ZTR> For a), it should be "authenticated and encrypted modes", not only figure 5, but also figure 3.
>           For b), no need for update. The proposal just uses the later 4 octet for Sender Micro-session ID and Reflector Micro-session ID.
>
> 9) <!--[rfced] [IEEE802.1AX] 802.1AX-2008 has been superseded by 802.1AX-2014. Would you like to update the reference?
>
> Current:
>   [IEEE802.1AX]
>              IEEE, "IEEE Standard for Local and metropolitan area
>              networks - Link Aggregation", IEEE Std 802.1AX-2008,
>              DOI 10.1109/IEEESTD.2008.4668665, November 2008,
>              <https://ieeexplore.ieee.org/document/4668665>.
> -->
>
> ZTR> I checked the IEEE802.1AX standard. The latest one is 802.1AX-2020.  I would like to update the reference information as follows:
> IEEE, "IEEE Standard for Local and Metropolitan Area Networks - Link Aggregation", IEEE Std 802.1AX-2020, DOI 10.1109/IEEESTD.2020.9105034, May 2020, <https://ieeexplore.ieee.org/document/9105034>.
>
> 10) <!--[rfced] Please note that we have removed the reference entry for
>     RFC 9256 as we see no corresponding citation in the document.
>     Please review and let us know any objections.-->
>
> ZTR> Agreed.
>
> 11) <!-- [rfced] Please review the "Inclusive Language" portion of the
>     online Style Guide
>     <https://www.rfc-editor.org/styleguide/part2/#inclusive_language>
>     and let us know if any changes are needed.
>
> Note that our script did not flag any words in particular, but this should still be reviewed as a best practice.
>
> -->
>
> ZTR> I don't find any updates.
>
> 12) <!-- [rfced] We had the following questions about terminology as it
>     appeared throughout the document:
>
> Please let us know if the following instance should be made "test" (lowercase) or "OWAMP-Test".
>
> Original:
> If there is no such a session, the Test packet MUST be discarded.
>
> Perhaps A:
> If there is no such a session, the test packet MUST be discarded.
>
> Perhaps B:
> If there is no such a session, the OWAMP-Test packet MUST be discarded.
> -->
>
> ZTR> A is preferred.
>
> Thank you.
>
> RFC Editor/mf
>
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>
> Updated 2024/01/23
>
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> Files
> -----
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> The files are available here:
>   https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9533.xml
>   https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9533.html
>   https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9533.pdf
>   https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9533.txt
>
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>   https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9533-diff.html
>   https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9533-rfcdiff.html (side by side)
>
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>   https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9533-xmldiff1.html
>
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>
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>
> --------------------------------------
> RFC9533 (draft-ietf-ippm-otwamp-on-lag-08)
>
> Title            : One-way/Two-way Active Measurement Protocol Extensions for Performance Measurement on LAG
> Author(s)        : Z. Li, T. Zhou, J. Guo, G. Mirsky, R. Gandhi
> WG Chair(s)      : Marcus Ihlar, Tommy Pauly
> Area Director(s) : Martin Duke, Zaheduzzaman Sarker