[Gen-art] Gen-ART review: draft-ietf-pwe3-pw-typed-wc-fec-03

Mary Barnes <mary.ietf.barnes@gmail.com> Mon, 09 April 2012 19:21 UTC

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Date: Mon, 9 Apr 2012 14:21:45 -0500
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From: Mary Barnes <mary.ietf.barnes@gmail.com>
To: draft-ietf-pwe3-pw-typed-wc-fec.all@tools.ietf.org
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Subject: [Gen-art] Gen-ART review: draft-ietf-pwe3-pw-typed-wc-fec-03
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I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on
Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at
< http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>gt;.

Please wait for direction from your document shepherd
or AD before posting a new version of the draft.

Document: draft-ietf-pwe3-pw-typed-wc-fec-03.txt
Reviewer:  Mary Barnes
Review Date:  9 April 2012
IESG Telechat Date: 12 April 2012

Summary:  Ready with nits.

Comments: there are some editorial nits, many summarized below.  There are
several cases where an article - i.e., "the", "an", etc. is missing.   I
believe these can be fixed in AUTH48 and I imagine the RFC editor will
catch them. But, if the doc needs any other updates, it would be good to
make these fixes at the same time.

Nits:
-----
Section 1:
- first paragraph, second sentence is very awkward and could be rewritten
something like (unless I've misunderstood the objective of that sentence:
OLD:
   This can be used when it is
   desired to request all label bindings for a given type of FEC
   Element, or to release or withdraw all label bindings for a given
   type of FEC element.
NEW:
   This can be used to request, release or withdraw all label
   bindings for a given type of FEC element.

- second paragraph, last sentence - missing articles (PWID, same)
OLD:
   The procedures for Typed Wildcard processing for PWid and
   Generalized PWid FEC Elements are same as described in [RFC5918] for
   any typed wildcard FEC Element type.
NEW:
   The procedures for Typed Wildcard processing for the PWid and
   Generalized PWid FEC Elements are the same as described in [RFC5918] for
   any typed wildcard FEC Element type.

Section 3:
- third paragraph, last sentence before list:
OLD:
 provide
  more generalized and comprehensive solution by allowing:
NEW:
  provide a
  more generalized and comprehensive solution by allowing:

- list item 2: "constraint" -> "constrain"



Section 4.1:
OLD:
 "… had learnt from LSR B over LDP session."
NEW:
 " … learned from the LSR B over the LDP session."

OLD:
 "…such request…"
NEW:
 "…such a request…"  OR "..the request…"

OLD:
 (no stale)
NEW:
 (not stale)

OLD:
  completes consistency check
NEW:
  completes the consistency check

Section 4.3:
- first paragraph, last sentence:
OLD:
  with large number
NEW:
  with a large number

Section 4.4:
- 1st para, 2nd sentence:
OLD:
   These procedures use LDP Address Withdraw message
NEW:
   These procedures use an LDP Address Withdraw message

- 2nd paragraph, last sentence:
OLD:
  This per PW (VPLS instance) MAC Withdraw messages
NEW:
  These per PW (VPLS instance) MAC Withdraw messages

3rd paragraph - 1st sentence:
OLD:
  this document allows use of
NEW:
  this document allows the use of