[Gen-art] Gen-ART review of draft-ietf-avt-avpf-ccm-09.txt

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Document: draft-ietf-avt-avpf-ccm-09.txt
Reviewer: Vijay K. Gurbani
Review Date: 18 Oct 2007
IESG Telechat date: 22 Oct 2007

Summary: This draft is ready for publication as a Proposed
Standard.

Some nits follow:

* In S1, it is mentioned that "This makes the use of more
  traditional control protocol means, such as Session Initiation
  Protocol (SIP) re-INVITEs [RFC3261], undesirable when used for
  the same purpose."

  I am curious: I don't believe that SIP re-INVs are used to affect
  the sort of codec control messages being discussed in this draft.
  I believe that you are pointing out that folks should not use
  other means -- like SIP re-INVs -- for this purpose in the
  *future.*  If so, I would suggest the following change:
   s/undesirable when used/undesirable if used/

* S3.2: s/There are multiple reasons/There are two reasons/

* S3.5.4: There appears to be some presentation error (or maybe it
  is an error in the underlying XML) on line three and four of that
  section.

* S3.5.4.2: You may want to consider breaking into two lines the
  equations labeled (1) and (2) at the top of page 25.  The reason
  is that as the labels appear now, they are hidden.  Thus, when you
  refer to equations (1) and (2) later, it is hard to visually see
  where these equations are.  I had to go back and use the browser's
  find command to help me locate them.

  So, if re-arranged, these equations will look like:

  OLD:
  Max_net media_BR_A = TMMBR_max total BR_A - PR * TMMBR_OH_A * 8 ...
  (1)
  Max_net media_BR_B = TMMBR_max total BR_B - PR * TMMBR_OH_B * 8 ...
  (2)

  NEW:
  Max_net media_BR_A =
      TMMBR_max total BR_A - PR * TMMBR_OH_A * 8 ... (1)
  Max_net media_BR_B =
      TMMBR_max total BR_B - PR * TMMBR_OH_B * 8 ... (2)

* S4.2.1.2, top of page 39: There appears to be some
  presentation error (or maybe it is an error in the underlying
  XML) on the first two lines of the page, and this is repeated
  in the second paragraph of the page.

* S4.2.2.2: s/.Note: if any media/Note: if any media

* S4.3.3.5: Is a sub-section warranted at all if there aren't
  any remarks?

That's it.

Thanks,

- vijay
-- 
Vijay K. Gurbani, Bell Laboratories, Alcatel-Lucent
2701 Lucent Lane, Rm. 9F-546, Lisle, Illinois 60532 (USA)
Email: vkg@{alcatel-lucent.com,bell-labs.com,acm.org}
WWW:   http://www.alcatel-lucent.com/bell-labs

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